In my last post, I included an Onion news story entitled, "Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming." It was, of course, a parody. But it was also based on fact.
Christian teabaggers are trying to force schools to stop teaching about global warming. The earth may be warming, they say, but if so, it's not caused by people; it's caused by God. God is going to burn all non-believers to death (and then burn them forever in hell) and the believers are looking forward to it.
Here's Revelation 8:8-9.
The second angel sounded, and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became blood; And the third part of the creatures which were in the sea, and had life, died.
But if that's true, what happened to the first angel? Where was the hail and fire mingled with blood? When were a third of the trees and all of the grass burned? Did God forget to send his first angel?
The first angel sounded, and there followed hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of trees was burnt up, and all green grass was burnt up. Revelation 8:7
And here's Revelation 16:3.
The second angel poured out his vial upon the sea; and it became as the blood of a dead man: and every living soul died in the sea.
Which, of course, makes BP an angel of God.
But if so, what about the first angel? God was supposed to send some kind of nasty sores on everybody who had the mark of the beast. I'm pretty sure that if anyone had that mark, I'd have one. Where is my mark and "noisome and grievous sores?"
The first went, and poured out his vial upon the earth; and there fell a noisome and grievous sore upon the men which had the mark of the beast, and upon them which worshipped his image. Revelation 16:2
No, until God's first evil angel gives me some hemorrhoids in my secret parts or something, the ocean is safe from God's nasty plans (though obviously not from BP's).
The believers are wrong about the oil spill.
Not even BP is evil enough to be an angel of God.
(Unless BL1Y is right and God is punishing us for ignoring his prohibition against eating shellfish.)