In last week's overtime win against the Steelers, Tim Tebow threw for 316 yards. And, of course, believers everywhere immediately knew that God was trying to tell us all something.
You see, God carefully arranged (fixed) the game so that Tebow's passing yards would match the numbers of his favorite verse -- the only verse that he and his followers seem to know or care much about -- John 3:16.
God, it seems, likes to communicate using Tim Tebow's stats.
So what was God saying in last night's game against the Patriots?
Well, God is really into passing yardage, and last night Tebow passed for 136 yards.
Which could only mean one thing: God wants us all to read and obey a particular Bible verse involving the digits in the number 136.
After a careful check of the Bible, I think I know what verse God had in mind: Deuteronomy 13:6 (and following verses).
Here's what God says in the passage beginning with that verse:
13:6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
13:8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:
13:9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.
13:10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die.
God wants us to stone to death our family and friends, without pity (God hates pity), if they encourage us to worship the wrong god. (Which, of course, would include any Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, etc.)
I can't wait to see Tebow's eye-black for next season's opening game!