Here's one that I forgot to add to God's list.
It's about two of God's favorite people: Abraham and Lot.
God gave Abraham (God called him "Abram" back then) pretty much everything on earth, as far as he could see.
The LORD said unto Abram … Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward … All the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever. Genesis 13:14-15Lot had lots of stuff, too – too much stuff, in fact, to keep it all separate from Abraham’s.
Lot … had flocks, and herds, and tents. And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together. Genesis 13:5-6So Lot decided to move to Sodom.
Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in … Sodom. Genesis 13:12Soon after Lot got settled in Sodom, a war broke out between the kingdoms of Sodom and Gomorrah and some of the other local kingdoms. The Sodomites were defeated and Lot was taken prisoner.
They took Lot, Abram's brother's son, who dwelt in Sodom, and his goods, and departed. Genesis 14:12That’s when Abraham got involved. He and 318 of his slaves took off after the anti-Sodomites.
And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan. Genesis 14:14And they “smote” the heck out of them, chasing them all the way to Damascus.
He and his servants … smote them, and pursued them unto Hobah, which is on the left hand of Damascus. Genesis 14:15Abraham brought back Lot, the women, and the Sodomite stuff.
And he brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people. Genesis 14:16When Abraham returned “from the slaughter,” the king of Sodom went out to greet him, along with Melchizedek, “the priest of the most high God,” who brought some bread and wine.
The king of Sodom went out to meet him after his return from the slaughter … And Melchizedek … brought forth bread and wine: and he was the priest of the most high God. Genesis 14:17-18(Melchizedek, by the way, had no father or mother, no beginning or end, just like the Son of God.)
Without father, without mother, without descent, having neither beginning of days, nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God. Hebrews 7:3And Melchizedek thanked God for helping Abraham slaughter the anti-Sodomites.
Blessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. Genesis 14:20aThen Abraham gave Melchizedek a tenth of all the stuff he got in the slaughter.
And he gave him tithes of all. Genesis 14:20bA nice fee for such a puny prayer.
(I gave this the usual 1000 for a regular God-assisted slaughter.)
God's next killing: Sodom and Gomorrah
7 comments:
Where to begin on the idiocy of the bible on this?
Lot is a supposed to be a shepherd with huge flocks - since when do huge flocks of sheep graze in cities?
Abram was given all the land by Yahweh - wouldn't that put Abram in charge of Sodom & make him responsible for what was happening on his property?
...
Somehow, I doubt the residents of Sodom would take kindly to Abram claiming that God gave him possession of all of their land...
Wow - the bible is awesome.
How many more have been missed out ?!
So god sent Abraham to slaughter the anti-sodomites?
Now that's what I call irony.
I fail to see the part where "God told Abram" to do anything in this story. Maybe I'm just blind, but when I read the story I see a man who mounts a rescue mission for his brother, ends up saving a city in the process and refuses to accept any payment for the deed because he had sworn to his God that he wouldn't take anything from them. What I don't see is the part where God told Abram to do any of it.
Unless of course the mere fact of it being in the Bible means that God must be behind it. If that's the case, where's the murder of Abel?
Do you even realize that you're commenting on a text that is thousands of years old? Written in a culture totally different than ours and by some man who was himself in a culture probably removed from the actual events by thousands of years and relying on stories passed by word of mouth for generations? Of course the stories in Genesis are filled with anachronisms and facts that are just plain wrong. It would be (and is) ridiculous to claim otherwise!
You know, there is room for doubt and uncertainty and tough questions in the Christian faith. Many Christians would try to claim otherwise, but they're just building a house of cards. The existentialist within me refuses to simply sell my mind to a prescribed set of beliefs and practices blasted into my head from the time I was born.
Please recognize that its possible to have faith without giving up independent thought.
Tommy,
I fail to see the part where "God told Abram" to do anything in this story.
The evidence is circumstantial, but still, I think, conclusive.
The story doesn't say that God told Abraham to fight the anti-Sodomites. But it does say that God delivered them into Abraham's hand.
"Blessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand." Genesis 14:20.
Do you even realize that you're commenting on a text that is thousands of years old? Written in a culture totally different than ours and by some man who was himself in a culture probably removed from the actual events by thousands of years and relying on stories passed by word of mouth for generations? Of course the stories in Genesis are filled with anachronisms and facts that are just plain wrong. It would be (and is) ridiculous to claim otherwise!
Yes, I am aware of these things. That's why I don't believe in the Bible (among many other reasons). What is your excuse for believing in it, Tommy?
"Then Abraham gave Melchizedek a tenth of all the stuff he got in the slaughter."
Be careful when reading it. The Hebrew text does NOT actually say that. It merely says HE offered HIM a tenth; the antecedents need to be determined from the context.
I believe from the context it is clear that the King of Sodom is offering Abraham a tenth of the recovered loot as a reward for his heroism, but Abraham turns it down. See the following verses. (That only difficulty here, is the text switches from talking about the King of Salem to the King of Sodom. I am persuaded that is a later revision to the text, and the original source simply said King of Sodom in both places. One can easily understand why later scribes would change it, to not have the righteous Melchizedek be ruler of evil Sodom.)
Back to the issue of confusion over who is doing what to whom. That is a common problem in the Pentateuch. Sometimes modern translators will, for clarity replace pronouns with what they believe the antecedents are. But I find the translators often guess wrong and get it backwards. Consider the story in Genesis 32 of a man wresting Jacob at night. Some translations, like the NRSV, get it mixed up who is demanding a blessing from whom. I think that story was originally about Esau, not giving up wrestling with his twin brother until he got his stolen blessing back! And I think when he asks his name, and the answer is "Jacob", it was actually meant to be understood as Jacob asking and Esau answering! It's a reversal of the earlier story of Jacob pretending to be Esau. When Jacob asks his name again, and the response (paraphrased) is "you shouldn't need to ask", Jacob immediately realizes what's going on and gives the blessing his brother was asking for. (I believe certain verses at the end of that passage are later additions, placed there to indicate Jacob was wrestling an angel or God himself, for the purpose of avoiding two conflicting accounts of the reunion of Jacob and Esau, that resulted from different source texts being combined. And that would have been added in ancient times; the prophet Hosea refers to Jacob wrestling with God and with an angel.)
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