Pope vs. Islam cartoons (and a modest proposal)

Here are some of my favorites. (More here)

"Violence is incompatible with the nature of God"? Then why doesn't the Pope remove all the cruel and violent passages in the Bible? Catholics have (thankfully) ignored them (along with most of the Bible) anyway. Why not use the Pope's infallibility to get rid of the bad stuff in the Bible for good?

A good place to start would be to remove 2 Chronicles 15:13. Such a verse "is incompatible with the nature of God" and therefore could not have been inspired by him (her, etc.)

Christians, Jews, and Muslims should either accept the fact that their religions are based upon violent texts or clean up those texts so they are no longer violent.

Holy War and the Holy Father: the Bible vs the Quran

Believers ... shall slay and be slain. It is a promise ... in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur'an. -- Quran 9:111

Pope Benedict should have known better. When it comes to holy war and other "evil and inhuman" things, the Bible and the Quran are pretty evenly matched.

Here are some evil and inhuman holy war instructions from the Quran.

1. Slay them wherever ye find them, and drive them out of the places whence they drove you out ... if they attack you (there) then slay them. Such is the reward of disbelievers. 2:191
2. Warfare is ordained for you, though it is hateful unto you. 2:216
3. Fight in the way of Allah who sell the life of this world for the other. Whoso fighteth in the way of Allah, be he slain or be he victorious, on him We shall bestow a vast reward. 4:74
4. Those who believe do battle for the cause of Allah; and those who disbelieve do battle for the cause of idols. So fight the minions of the devil. 4:76
5. They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them. 4:89
6. If they keep not aloof from you nor offer you peace nor hold their hands, then take them and kill them wherever ye find them. Against such We have given you clear warrant. 4:91
7. The only reward of those who make war upon Allah and His messenger and strive after corruption in the land will be that they will be killed or crucified, or have their hands and feet on alternate sides cut off, or will be expelled out of the land. Such will be their degradation in the world, and in the Hereafter theirs will be an awful doom. 5:33
8. I will throw fear into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Then smite the necks and smite of them each finger. 8:12
9. When ye meet those who disbelieve in battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso on that day turneth his back to them, unless manoeuvring for battle or intent to join a company, he truly hath incurred wrath from Allah, and his habitation will be hell, a hapless journey's end. Ye (Muslims) slew them not, but Allah slew them. And thou (Muhammad) threwest not when thou didst throw, but Allah threw. 8:15-17
10. And let not those who disbelieve suppose that they can outstrip (Allah's Purpose). Lo! they cannot escape. Make ready for them all thou canst of (armed) force and of horses tethered, that thereby ye may dismay the enemy of Allah and your enemy, and others beside them whom ye know not. Allah knoweth them. 8:59-60
11. Exhort the believers to fight. If there be of you twenty steadfast they shall overcome two hundred, and if there be of you a hundred (steadfast) they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they (the disbelievers) are a folk without intelligence. 8:65
12. It is not for any prophet to have captives until he hath made slaughter in the land. 8:67
13. Slay the idolaters wherever ye find them, and take them (captive), and besiege them, and prepare for them each ambush. 9:5
14. If they ... assail your religion, then fight the heads of disbelief ... Will ye not fight a folk who broke their solemn pledges, and purposed to drive out the messenger and did attack you first? What! Fear ye them? Now Allah hath more right that ye should fear Him, if ye are believers Fight them! Allah will chastise them at your hands, and He will lay them low and give you victory over them. 9:12-14
15. O Prophet! Strive against the disbelievers and the hypocrites! Be harsh with them. Their ultimate abode is hell, a hapless journey's end. 9:73
16. Believers ... shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain. It is a promise which is binding on Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur'an. 9:111
17. O ye who believe! Fight those of the disbelievers who are near to you, and let them find harshness in you. 9:123
18. Now when ye meet in battle those who disbelieve, then it is smiting of the necks. 47:4

And here are some from the Bible.

1. The Lord is a man of war. Exodus 15:3

2. The LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation. Exodus 17:16, Deuteronomy 25:19
3. And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people ... So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive: and they possessed his land. Numbers 21:34-35
4. And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites ... And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones ... And they burnt all their cities....

   And Moses was wroth with the officers ... And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. Numbers 31:1-18

5. And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain: Deuteronomy 2:33-34
6. And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them. Deuteronomy 7:2, 7:16
7. If thou shalt hear say ... Certain men ... saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known ... Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:12-15
8. When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it ... And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword: But the women ... shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the LORD thy God hath given thee. ... But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth: But thou shalt utterly destroy them ... as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee. Deuteronomy 20:10-17
9. And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. Joshua 6:21
10. So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded. Joshua 10:40
11. For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly, and that they might have no favour, but that he might destroy them, as the LORD commanded Moses. Joshua 11:20
12. Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. 1 Samuel 15:2-3

13. Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel. Psalm 2:8-9

14. He teacheth my hands to war. Psalm 18:34

15. That thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same. Psalm 68:23

16. Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight: Psalm 144:1
17. Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. Matthew 10:34
18. He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. Luke 22:36

So which holy book wins the Pope's holy war contest? I guess it depends on who is keeping score.

Satan vs God: past and future killings

In previous posts, I've tried to total the number of people killed by God and Satan in the Bible, as well as provide some estimates of their future plans in that regard. Here's a table that summarizes the results. (Follow the links in the table for the details.)

	God	Satan
Total number killed (not including un-numbered killings)	2,301,417	10
Total killings (estimated)	33 million	60
Planned future killings	3,300,000,000	0

Satan vs God: an updated body count

For those of you keeping score, I've made some additions to the list of people killed by God.

	SAB, Brick Testament	Number killed
God tells Joshua to stoned to death Achan (and his family) for taking the accursed thing.	Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26, BT	5+
God tells Joshua to attack Ai and do what he did to Jericho (kill everyone).	Joshua 8:1-25, BT	12,000
God delivered Canaanites and Perizzites	Judges 1:4, BT	10,000
Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife into the king's belly	Jg.3:15-22, BT	1
God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other.	Jg.7:2-22, 8:10, BT	120,000
Seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord	2 Sam.21:6-9	7
God sent a lion to kill a man for not killing a prophet	1 Kg.20:35-36	1
Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god.	2 Kg.1:2-4, 17, 2 Chr.22:7-9	1
Trampled to death for disbelieving Elijah	2 Kg.7:17-20	1
Jezebel	2 Kg.9:33-37	1
God sent lions to kill some foreigners	2 Kg.17:25-26	3+
Saul	1 Chr.10:14	1

So chalk up another 142,021 for God, for a new total of 2,270,365. Satan's score remains at 10.

God's uncounted and uncountable killings

In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,270,365, but that didn't include the many massacres for which no body count is given. So, for the sake of completeness, I figured I ought to at least provide a list of God's un-named and un-numbered victims.

1. God drowns everyone on earth.

   Genesis 7:21-23, Brick Testament

2. God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.

   Genesis 19:24, BT

3. God kills all the firstborn Egyptian children.

   Exodus 12:29, BT

4. God drowns Pharaoh's army in the sea.

   Exodus 14:4-28, BT

5. God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites.

   Exodus 17:13, BT

6. God burned to death an unknown number for complaining.

   Numbers 11:1, BT

7. God sent a plague for complaining about the food.

   Numbers 11:33, BT

8. God killed those who murmured with a plague.

   Numbers 14:36-37, BT

9. Massacre of the Aradites

   Numbers 21:3, BT

10. For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.

    Numbers 21:6, BT

11. God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until their was none left alive."

    Numbers 21:34-35, BT

12. The slaughter of the Anakim, the childen of Esau, and the Horims

    A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them ... As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them. -- Deuteronomy 2:21-22

13. God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people.

    And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain: -- Deuteronomy 2:33-34, BT

14. God delievered the king of Bashan so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (60 cities)

    So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining. ... And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. -- Deuteronomy 3:3-6, BT

15. Massacre of Jericho

    And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city [Jericho], both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. -- Joshua 6:21, BT

16. God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.

    And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way ... the LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them unto Azekah, and they died: they were more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword. -- Joshua 10:10-11

17. Massacre of Makkedah

    Joshua 10:28, BT

18. Massacre of Libnah

    Joshua 10:29-30, BT

19. Massacre of Lachish

    Joshua 10:32, BT

20. Massacre of Gezer

    Joshua 10:33, BT

21. Massacre of Eglon

    Joshua 10:34-35, BT

22. Massacre of Hebron

    Joshua 10:36-37, BT

23. Massacre of Debir

    Joshua 10:38-39, BT

24. God delivers the Hazorites.

    The LORD delivered them into the hand of Israel ... and they smote them, until they left them none remaining. -- Joshua 11:8-12, BT

25. Massacre of the Anakim

    Joshua 11:20-21, BT

26. Massacre of the Canaanites

    Judges 4:15, BT

27. God delivered the Ammonites to Jephthah to slaughter.

    The LORD delivered them into [Jephthah's] hands. And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter. -- Judges 11:32-33

28. God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.

    Every man's sword was against his fellow, and there was a very great discomfiture. -- 1 Samuel 14:20

29. God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.

    Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. ... And Saul smote the Amalekites ... and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword. -- 1 Samuel 15:2-18

30. God delivers the Philistines.

    I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand. So David ... smote them with a great slaughter. -- 1 Samuel 23:2-5

31. God delivers the Philistines to David (again).

    And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? ... And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand. ... And David did so, as the LORD had commanded him; and smote the Philistines." -- 2 Samuel 5:19, 25

32. God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.

    Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the LORD. And the LORD answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites." -- 2 Samuel 21:1

33. Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."

    He smote all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 15:29-30

34. Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."

    He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 16:11-12

35. God calls for a seven year famine.

    The LORD hath called for a famine; and it shall also come upon the land seven years. -- 2 Kings 8:1

36. God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.

    The wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. Therefore he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand. -- 2 Chronicles 36:16-17