Jesus will search your kidneys

I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23

Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.

You see, according to the Bible, your conscience is in your kidneys (called "reins" in the King James Version). So by inspecting them, Jesus can tell if you've been naughty or nice.

Here are some other verses that give a God's eye view of kidneys.

Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Psalm 7:9

I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. Pslam 16:7

Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. Psalm 26:2

Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. Psalm 73:21

Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things. Proverbs 23:16

But, O LORD of hosts, that judgest righteously, that triest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 11:20

I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10

But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 20:12

The seven spirits of God (including the Holy Spirit?)

I beheld ... a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God. Revelation 5:6

The book of Revelation is obsessed with the number seven. God's magic number is used 52 times in 30 verses, with 19 things grouped into sevens.

But the most interesting grouping is the number of God's spirits. Who knew that he had seven of them?

Here's the whole crazy list, with links to the verses so you can read them in context (like that would help or something).

1	churches of asia	1:4, 1:11, 1:20(2)
2	spirits before God's throne	1:4
3	golden candlesticks	1:12, 1:13, 1:20(2), 2:1
4	stars in the Jesus' right hand	1:16, 1:20, 2:1, 3:1
5	angels	8:2, 8:6, 15:1, 15:6, 15:7, 15:8, 16:1, 17:1, 21:9
6	spirits of God	3:1, 4:5, 5:6
7	lamps	4:5
8	seals	5:1
9	horns	5:6
10	eyes	5:6
11	trumpets	8:2, 8:6
12	thunders	10:3, 10:4(2)
13	thousand people killed in an earthquake	11:13
14	heads	12:3, 13:1, 17:3, 17:7, 17:9
15	crowns	12:3
16	plagues	15:1, 15:6, 15:8, 21:9
17	golden vials filled with the wrath of God	15:7, 16:1, 17:1, 21:9
18	mountains	17:9
19	kings	17:10

Carlton Pearson: No Hell below us

Carlton Pearson is an Evangelical preacher from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He had a large church and a huge following until a few years ago when he publicly renounced his belief in Hell.

The story of his changing views on Hell is the topic of an excellent episode of This American Life. Here's what Bishop Pearson had to say about Hell.

The God we've been preaching is a monster. He's worse than Saddam; he's worse than Osama ben Laden; he's worse than Hitler. Because Hitler just burned 6 million Jews, but God is going to burn at least 6 billion people. And burn them forever. He has this customized torture chamber called Hell were he's going to torment and torture people, not for a few minutes, hours, days, or weeks, but forever.

Here are two of the verses that he uses to justify his belief (or lack of belief) in Hell. (I've added them to Does Hell exist? at the SAB.)

We trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe. 1 Timothy 4:10

He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for our's only, but also for the sins of the whole world. 1 John 2:2

Where the worms never die

Where are immortal worms mentioned in the Bible?

And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh. Isaiah 66:24

And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:43-44

And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:45-46

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:47-48

It's not clear (to me at least) what Jesus and Isaiah meant by these verses. Do worms live forever in hell? Is human hell worm heaven? Do nonbelievers suffer and die so that worms may live forever?

Do moderate Muslims believe in hell?

Christians are divided on hell. Some believe in it, some don't. And those that do aren't sure what it's like or who goes there. That's not surprising since the Bible has no clear, consistent teaching about hell (or anything else).

But the Quran has no such problem. If you believe in the Quran, you believe in hell. You know what it's like and who is going there.

I counted 98 passages in the Quran that mention hell. Here's a summary.

Who is going to hell?

1. Those who deny the existence of hell

   This is hell which the guilty deny. They go circling round between it and fierce, boiling water. 55:43-44

2. All non-muslims

   They who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, such are rightful owners of hell. 5:10

   But those who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, they are owners of hell-fire. 5:86

   Those who disbelieve will be gathered unto hell. 8:36

   Lo! hell verily is all around the disbelievers. 9:49

   We have appointed hell a dungeon for the disbelievers. 17:8

   Lo! We have prepared hell as a welcome for the disbelievers. 18:102

   That is their reward: hell, because they disbelieved, and made a jest of Our revelations and Our messengers. 18:106

   Hell verily will encompass the disbelievers 29:54

   But as for those who disbelieve, for them is fire of hell; it taketh not complete effect upon them so that they can die, nor is its torment lightened for them. 35:36

   This is hell which ye were promised (if ye followed him). Burn therein this day for that ye disbelieved. 36:63-64

   Those who disbelieve are driven unto hell in troops. 39:71

   Those who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, they are owners of hell-fire. 57:19

3. Anyone who kills a Muslim

   Whoso slayeth a believer of set purpose, his reward is hell for ever. 4:93

4. Muslims that refuse to serve and fight for Allah

   When ye meet those who disbelieve in battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso on that day turneth his back to them, unless manoeuvring for battle or intent to join a company, he truly hath incurred wrath from Allah, and his habitation will be hell, a hapless journey's end. 8:15-16

   Those who scorn My service, they will enter hell, disgraced. 40:60

5. Muslims that oppose or disobey Allah, Muhammad, or the Quran

   Whoso opposeth the messenger after the guidance (of Allah) hath been manifested unto him, and followeth other than the believer's way, We appoint for him that unto which he himself hath turned, and expose him unto hell - a hapless journey's end! 4:115

   Know they not that whoso opposeth Allah and His messenger, his verily is fire of hell, to abide therein? 9:63

   Whoso disobeyeth Allah and His messenger, lo! his is fire of hell, wherein such dwell for ever. 72:23

What's it like in hell?

On the day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of hell, and their foreheads and their flanks and their backs will be branded therewith. 9:35

Hell is before him, and he is made to drink a festering water, Which he sippeth but can hardly swallow, and death cometh unto him from every side while yet he cannot die, and before him is a harsh doom. 14:16-17

Hell, where they will burn, an evil resting-place. Here is a boiling and an ice-cold draught, so let them taste it. 38:56-57

Lo! the guilty are immortal in hell's torment. It is not relaxed for them, and they despair therein. 43:74-75

Take him and drag him to the midst of hell, Then pour upon his head the torment of boiling water. 44:47-48

On the day when they are dragged into the Fire upon their faces (it is said unto them): Feel the touch of hell. 54:48

Then the welcome will be boiling water And roasting at hell-fire. 56:92-94

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are some moderate Muslims (like Cat Stevens?) that don't believe in hell. If so, I'd love to hear about it.