New Brick Testament Stories

If you haven't seen the Brick Testament before, you should.

It's just the Bible, plain and simple, illustrated with Legos. One of the latest additions is also one of my favorites. Here's a link.

God Commands Amalekite Genocide

And be sure to see the follow-up story.

Saul Rejected for Incomplete Genocide

These Bible stories are a great opportunity for Pope Benedict and the Vatican, who encourage all "faiths to say 'no' to violence in the name of God."

Why not begin by removing 1 Samuel 15 from the Bible? Since that chapter claims that God ordered the genocide of the Amalekites, it couldn't have been inspired by God, right? Get it the hell out of the Bible, I say.

Just say no to violence in the name of God (and thereby reject the violence in the Bible, Quran, and Book of Mormon).

Jesus will search your kidneys

I [Jesus] am he which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts. Revelation 2:23

Yes, it's true. Jesus is going to search through your kidneys. And if he doesn't like what he finds there, he's going to send you to hell.

You see, according to the Bible, your conscience is in your kidneys (called "reins" in the King James Version). So by inspecting them, Jesus can tell if you've been naughty or nice.

Here are some other verses that give a God's eye view of kidneys.

Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Psalm 7:9

I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. Pslam 16:7

Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. Psalm 26:2

Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. Psalm 73:21

Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things. Proverbs 23:16

But, O LORD of hosts, that judgest righteously, that triest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 11:20

I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10

But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart. Jeremiah 20:12

The seven spirits of God (including the Holy Spirit?)

I beheld ... a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God. Revelation 5:6

The book of Revelation is obsessed with the number seven. God's magic number is used 52 times in 30 verses, with 19 things grouped into sevens.

But the most interesting grouping is the number of God's spirits. Who knew that he had seven of them?

Here's the whole crazy list, with links to the verses so you can read them in context (like that would help or something).

1	churches of asia	1:4, 1:11, 1:20(2)
2	spirits before God's throne	1:4
3	golden candlesticks	1:12, 1:13, 1:20(2), 2:1
4	stars in the Jesus' right hand	1:16, 1:20, 2:1, 3:1
5	angels	8:2, 8:6, 15:1, 15:6, 15:7, 15:8, 16:1, 17:1, 21:9
6	spirits of God	3:1, 4:5, 5:6
7	lamps	4:5
8	seals	5:1
9	horns	5:6
10	eyes	5:6
11	trumpets	8:2, 8:6
12	thunders	10:3, 10:4(2)
13	thousand people killed in an earthquake	11:13
14	heads	12:3, 13:1, 17:3, 17:7, 17:9
15	crowns	12:3
16	plagues	15:1, 15:6, 15:8, 21:9
17	golden vials filled with the wrath of God	15:7, 16:1, 17:1, 21:9
18	mountains	17:9
19	kings	17:10

Carlton Pearson: No Hell below us

Carlton Pearson is an Evangelical preacher from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He had a large church and a huge following until a few years ago when he publicly renounced his belief in Hell.

The story of his changing views on Hell is the topic of an excellent episode of This American Life. Here's what Bishop Pearson had to say about Hell.

The God we've been preaching is a monster. He's worse than Saddam; he's worse than Osama ben Laden; he's worse than Hitler. Because Hitler just burned 6 million Jews, but God is going to burn at least 6 billion people. And burn them forever. He has this customized torture chamber called Hell were he's going to torment and torture people, not for a few minutes, hours, days, or weeks, but forever.

Here are two of the verses that he uses to justify his belief (or lack of belief) in Hell. (I've added them to Does Hell exist? at the SAB.)

We trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe. 1 Timothy 4:10

He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for our's only, but also for the sins of the whole world. 1 John 2:2

Where the worms never die

Where are immortal worms mentioned in the Bible?

And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh. Isaiah 66:24

And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:43-44

And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:45-46

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Mark 9:47-48

It's not clear (to me at least) what Jesus and Isaiah meant by these verses. Do worms live forever in hell? Is human hell worm heaven? Do nonbelievers suffer and die so that worms may live forever?