Taking Bible Stories Literally

Oh boy, a new Barna survey is out!

This one is trying to find out if Americans still believe those cute Bible stories they were taught as kids. And, not too surprisingly, most (about 2/3) still do.

Here are the "six renowned Bible stories ... offered to adults for their consideration," along with the overall percentage who believed the story was “literally true, meaning it happened exactly as described in the Bible”:

1) Jesus rising from the dead (75%)

2) Daniel and the lion den (65%)

3) Moses parting the Red Sea (64%)

4) David and Goliath (63%)

5) Peter walking on water (60%)

6) The six-day creation story (60%)

From the survey, the Barna group concluded that "these and other Bible stories inspire people to believe that their personal trust in that powerful God is warranted. Although some people may dismiss such writings as fairy tales for children, the data indicate that the typical American has adopted these accounts as the foundation of a valued faith in God."

Okay. But what I'd like to know is this: Why did Barna choose these six stories for the survey?

I suspect that there are two reasons:

1) They are the stories that most people are familiar with.

2) They are stories that most people can stomach.

The stories are familiar not because most people have read them, but because they were read to them when they were children (and very few have read them since). The text and illustrations made it all seem so appealing, comforting, and certain. They were included in the Barna survey because when it comes to religion, familiarity breeds, not contempt, but acceptance and belief. And belief was what the Barna survey was trying to find.

New Rule: A Religious Test with Bill Maher

Okay, this "New Rule" is a bit old (It was on Bill Maher's 21 Sept 2007 Real Time show), but it's a good rule to follow.

New rule: just because the constitution doesn't have a religious test for office, doesn't mean I can't.
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If you believe you're in a long-term relationship with an all-powerful space daddy who will, after you die, party with your ghost forever, you can't have my vote....
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Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Mitt Romney is right about the Bible

It's boring!

Here's what Romney said about it:

I find myself having to read for an hour or so before I can fall asleep. And thanks to the Gideons, I've got good material.

Yes, Mitt is right about that. The Bible is boring. So boring, in fact, I've considered adding it as a separate category at the SAB. Try reading 1 Chronicles sometime. Now that's good Romney bedtime reading material.

But Mitt should give the Book of Mormon a try when he has trouble sleeping. Here's what Mark Twain said about it:

The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle--keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.

Try the Mitt Romney bedtime test yourself.

Which do you think is more boring?

Landover Baptist Pastor Preaches to Atheists

Jesus, I love to hear Pastor Deacon Fred preach! Here are some excerpts.

When the Lord gets a bee in his bonnet about something, he turns into a killing machine.
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Now anyone familiar with this wonderful book [the Bible] will know that if there's one thing that the Lord enjoys more than making free booze at wedding parties, it is killing.
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Hosea 13:16 says, 'The people of Samaria must bear their guilt because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword. Their little ones will be dashed open. Their pregnant women, ripped to pieces.'
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Yes that's right. God wants us to constitutionally ban abortion, but he's not above using it to get back at folks that tick him off.
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We have an invisible friend on our side who is more powerful and diabolical than this Mohammad fella.

Glory!

It's about time someone sued God: Thanks Ernie!

A while back I counted the number of people killed by God in the Bible. I found a total of 2,270,971 (not including cases in which numbers are not given). Now you'd think that a guy with that many killings would have been accused and hopefully convicted of murder by now. Especially when the killer is so darned proud of his killings. But no. No one has ever taken God to court. Until now, that is.

But today Ernie Chambers, a Nebraska State Senator, filed suit in district court (Chambers v. God) against God for making terrorist threats and causing "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like."

To which I would add, "and admitted to the killing of 2,270,971 people."