14 June 2014

The Best Fathers in the Bible: Examples for Father's Day

Since it's getting close to Father's Day, I'm bumping this post up again.


  1. Noah, the just preacher of righteousness
    For some reason, God really liked Noah. He hated everyone else, though. Hated them so much, in fact, that he drowned every last one of them, except for Noah (and his family), that is.

     What was it that God liked about Noah? Well, the bible doesn't say. It only says that he was a "just and perfect preacher of righteousness." (Genesis 6:9, 7:1; 2 Peter 2:5)

    It isn't until after the flood, though, that we find out about his true character. Noah plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and lies around naked in his tent. His son, Ham, happens to see his father in this condition. When Noah sobers up and hears "what his young son had done unto him" (what did he do besides look at him?), he curses not Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father," but Ham's son, Canaan.
    And Noah ... planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. Genesis 9:20-25
     So drink up on Father's Day all you dads out there. Pass out and lie around naked in front of God and everybody. If any of your kids happen to see you, curse them in the name of the Lord -- or better yet, curse your unborn grandkids and all of their descendants with slavery. Just follow the example of that just and perfect, godly preacher of righteousness, Noah!

  2. Lot, the just and righteous
    Lot was a family man and one of God's special heroes. Out of all of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, God saved only Lot and his family, because Lot was, according to the bible, a just and righteous man (2 Peter 2:7-8). He was also, no doubt, an excellent father. Here is what the Bible says about him.

    He offered his two virgin daughters to a crowd of angel rapers, saying:
    "Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes." -- Genesis 19:8
    Later he got drunk and impregnated them.
    Lot ... dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him.... And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us ... Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. -- Genesis 19:30-36
    So if you are attacked by a sex-crazed mob of angel rapers on Father's Day, follow the just and righteous Lot's example. Offer your virgin daughters to the mob to do whatever they want to do with them and then (if your daughters survive that) get drunk and impregnate them.

  3. Abraham
    Abraham abandoned his first son, Ishmael, sending him and his mother into the desert to die.
    Wherefore she (Sarah) said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman (Hagar) and her son (Ishmael) ... And God said unto Abraham ... hearken unto her voice. ... And Abraham ... took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness. -- Genesis 21:10-14
    He then agreed to sacrifice his second son (his "only" son) to God as a burnt offering.
    And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and ... offer him there for a burnt offering.... And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. -- Genesis 22:2, 10
    So if your wife can't stand one of your kids and tells you to throw him or her out of the house, follow Father Abraham's example and do what she says. Then later, if God asks you to kill one of your other children, do that too. Don't worry about it. God will probably send an angel to protect the abandoned child and provide a goat for you to kill instead of your kid at the last minute. Just be willing to abandon and kill your children for God if he asks you to. That's the important thing.

  4. Isaac
    Isaac had two sons, Esau and Jacob. Isaac loved Esau (because he liked to eat his venison), Rebekah loved Jacob (God knows why), and God hated Esau.
    Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. -- Genesis 25:28
    Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. -- Romans 9:13
    The Bible doesn't say anything more about Isaac's relationship with his two sons until he is about to die, when Rebekah, Jacob, and God all work together to steal Isaac's blessing of Esau and make it apply to Jacob instead. It's a bit too long to tell here, so I suggest you read the Brick Testament story instead. There is an important message for fathers here. Every father should understand that God will love some of his children and hate others. Don't worry about it. Just try to find out which of you children God hates and then go and do likewise.

  5. Jacob
    Jacob loved Joseph more than his other children, and he made it pretty obvious. So the other kids in the family hated Joseph. (God didn't seem to mind; he liked Joseph best, too.)
    Now Israel [Jacob] loved Joseph more than all his children ... And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him. -- Genesis 37:3-4
    So don't fall for the modern secular lie that a father should love all of children as much and as equally as possible. Follow the example of Jacob and love one of your children more than all of the others.

  6. Aaron
    Aaron watched quietly as his sons were burned to death by God.
    And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron ... offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. .... And Aaron held his peace. -- Leviticus 10:1-3
    So if God decides to burn your children to death for burning incense or whatever, just watch quietly. And for God's sake, don't complain about it.

  7. Caleb
    Caleb was one of the twelve scouts that Moses sent out during the Exodus to check out the land of Canaan. Since Caleb told Moses what he wanted to hear (that it would be easy to conquer the Canaanites), he was rewarded, while the ten honest scouts (who filed more discouraging reports) were killed by God in a plague (God's 18th killing).

    Forty years later, when the Israelites were busy killing Canaanites, Caleb offered a reward to whomever could smite (kill all the inhabitants of) the city of Kirjathsepher. The reward was his daughter, Achsah.
    Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. Joshua 15:16
    The guy who won the reward happened to be one of Caleb's relatives.
    And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife. Joshua 15:17
    It's hard to tell from that verse whether Othniel was Caleb's brother or nephew, but whichever it was God approved of the whole thing. Because Caleb was "God's servant."
    And the LORD said ... my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed shall possess it. Numbers 15:20-23
    So to all you dads out there, God says it's OK to give your daughter to someone who commits genocide for you, even if the someone is a close relative, like a uncle or even a brother. What the heck.

  8. Gideon
    Gideon is a great example for all Christian men. He had many wives and seventy sons.
    And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives. -- Judges 8:30
    He taught taught his sons what it means to be a real man.
    And he said unto Jether his firstborn, Up, and slay them. But the youth drew not his sword: for he feared, because he was yet a youth. ... And Gideon arose, and slew [them]. -- Judges 8:20-21
    This one is pretty obvious. Try to have as many wives and sons as possible. And teach your sons what it means to be real men. (Real men are not afraid to kill people.)

  9. Jephthah
    When the spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah, he promised to offer to God as a burnt offering whatever came to greet him when he returned from battle. When his daughter greeted him after a successful God-assisted slaughter, he honored his promise to God by killing and burning his daughter for God.
    Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah.... And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands. And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter. ... And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances.... And ... when he saw her... said, Alas, my daughter! ... I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back. And she said unto him ... Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows. ... And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed. -- Judges 11:29-39
    So when the spirit of the Lord comes upon you and you promise God to kill whomever you happen to see first when you get home from your latest God-assisted genocide, remember Jephthah and fulfill your promise to God, even if it means you have to kill and burn your daughter as a sacrifice to God.

  10. Saul
    Saul offered to sell his daughter for 100 Philistine foreskins.
    And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines. -- 1 Samuel 18:25
    David bought her for twice the asking price (200 foreskins).
    Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. -- 1 Samuel 18:27
    And since "David did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD ... save only in the matter of Uriah the Hittite," we know that God approved of the transaction. So don't settle for just a few foreskins when selling your daughters.

  11. David
    You can tell a lot about a father by his last words to his children. Take David for example.
    David asked his son Solomon to murder Joab for him.
    Now the days of David drew nigh that he should die; and he charged Solomon his son, saying … thou knowest also what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me … let not his hoar head go down to the grave in peace. 1 Kings 2.1-6
    So Solomon sent Benaiah to murder Joab.
    It was told king Solomon that Joab was fled unto the tabernacle of the LORD; and, behold, he is by the altar. Then Solomon sent Benaiah … saying, Go, fall upon him … So Benaiah … fell upon him, and slew him. 1 Kings 2:29-34
    And another person that David asked his son to murder was Shimei.
    Thou hast with thee Shimei … which cursed me with a grievous curse in the day when I went to Mahanaim: but he came down to meet me at Jordan, and I sware to him by the LORD, saying, I will not put thee to death with the sword. Now therefore hold him not guiltless: for thou art a wise man, and knowest what thou oughtest to do unto him; but his hoar head bring thou down to the grave with blood. 1 Kings 2:8-9
    So Solomon sent Benaiah to “fall on” Shimei, too.
    So the king commanded Benaiah ... which went out, and fell upon him, that he died. 1 Kings 2:44-46
    The lesson here is this: have a list of people you'd like your children to kill for you after your die.

  12. Job
    Job was a perfect man (and perfect father) with ten children, seven sons and three daughters.
    There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect ... There were born unto him seven sons and three daughters. Job 1:1-2
    As part of a bet, God and Satan killed Job's children. After the killing, Job "blessed God" and didn't "foolishly" blame God for his murderous Satanic bet. (See here for details. Or read all 8 of the Brick Testament stories about Job.)

    In the end, God rewarded Job for not complaining by replacing the dead children with a completely a new set of ten kids. And the new daughters were even prettier than before!
    So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning ... He had also seven sons and three daughters ... And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job. Job 42:12-13
    So remember dads, if you don't like your children all that much, or have some ugly daughters or whatnot, just ask God and Satan to kill them for you. That way you're sure to get a better set of kids.
      
  13. Hosea
    Hosea's family life was prearranged by God, and was, therefore, perfect by definition.

    God told him to take ... a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms" because the land has "committed great whoredom." So Hosea did as God commanded and "took" a wife named Gomer.
    The LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD.  So he went and took Gomer. Hosea 1:2-3
    Gomer had a daughter, which God told Hosea to name "unloved."
    Gomer ... conceived ... and bare a daughter. And God said unto him, Call her name Loruhamah. Hosea 1:3-6
    Hosea tells his unloved daughter that her mother is a whore who is not his wife. He asks her to tell her  mother to "put away her whoredoms" and "her adulteries from between her breasts" or he (Hosea or God?) will "strip her naked ... and slay her with thirst."
    Plead with your mother, plead: for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts. Lest I strip her naked, and set her as in the day that she was born ... and slay her with thirst. Hosea 2:
    God (or Hosea, it's hard to tell them apart) says he will not have mercy on Hosea's children, because their mother is a whore.
    I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the children of whoredoms.
    For their mother hath played the harlot. Hosea 2:4-5
    So there you have it: the perfect example for godly fathers.

    Marry a whore, give your children nasty names like "unloved," tell them their mother is a whore, and have no mercy on them since they are "the children of whoredoms."

  14. Simon Peter
    We don't know from the gospels whether or not Peter was a father, but he was definitely a married man, since Jesus rebuked Peter's mother-in-law's fever.
    He [Jesus] arose out of the synagogue, and entered into Simon's house. And Simon's wife's mother was taken with a great fever; and they besought him for her. And he stood over her, and rebuked the fever; and it left her: and immediately she arose and ministered unto them. Luke 4:38-39
    Since Peter was married, it's reasonable to suppose that he had children, not that it matters much since Jesus encouraged his disciples to abandon their wives and children. (The first pope abandoned his family for Jesus in Luke 5:11.)
    Jesus said ... Every one that hath forsaken ... wife, or children ... for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Matthew 19:28-29 Mark 10:29-30, Luke 18:29-30
    So to hell with fatherhood. Forsake wife and children for Jesus. (He'll give you a big reward for it!)

  15. God the Father
    Somehow I forgot about him. But you can read all about his fathering skills here: here.

55 comments:

dwerf said...

Well ... how can we mere mortals know God's true intentions? God, of all creatures, surely must have his (very good and understandable) reasons, reasons we are just completely incapable of understanding, because He gave us brains too small to understand. You see, we simply aren't SUPPOSED to understand, because Our Super Mega Lord Almighty chose to create us in his image, but just of a tad less quality (being mortal and wrecking our habitat and such), because, how else can he remain Almighty! It was all part of his plan you see, a plan that is so cunning and clever, that we will never understand, and certainly not you!

You see, for this blog post you shall burn in Hell for all of Eternity. God doesn't like you taking the Bible so out of context.

Oh well, God will keep loving you anyways, also while you're burning in Hell. And there's absolutely nothin' you can do about it.

God Bless ;-)

Paul said...

Noah, clearly. He was just a terrible grandfather.

What do I win?

sconnor said...

My vote, for the worst father, is the imaginary, vindictive, vile, abusive, almighty, father in the Bible.

Mark Twain says it best.

The best minds will tell you that when a man has begotten a child he is morally bound to tenderly care for it, protect it from hurt, shield it from disease, clothe it, feed it, bear with its waywardness, lay no hand upon it save in kindness and for its own good, and never in any case inflict upon it a wanton cruelty. God's treatment of his earthly children, every day and every night, is the exact opposite of all that, yet those best minds warmly justify these crimes, condone them, excuse them, and indignantly refuse to regard them as crimes at all, when he commits them. Your country and mine is an interesting one, but there is nothing there that is half so interesting as the human mind. -- Mark Twain


--S.

Jeremy Gibson said...

There's not much I can say, really. The bible isn't too big on love and care.
Sorry if that comment added absolutely nothing to this topic, but I felt like contributing something.

Brucker said...

Yeah, it's not a well-hidden fact. My own pastor yesterday said, "I figured for Father's Day, I'd share a story of a really good father in the Bible. After thinking about this for a few minutes, I realized I needed a diffierent topic."

Cikgu Screwtape said...

Hi there,

Thanks for your entries on this blog. We have been having troubles with Christian fundamentalists lately (especially those from Singapore) who oppose us because we refuse to take a hard anti-gay stance. One in particular even threatened to have my son raped/sodomized on his birthday. The rest have been anathemizing us.

Our blog is Jeremiah Blues (http://jeremiahblues.blogspot.com). They have also been bragging about their higher authority because of their supposed learning (getting degrees and doctorates, learning Greek, etc.)

Do your part and add your voice to ours. We welcome all comments.

Thanks.

~ Edmund

Cikgu Screwtape said...

Thanks again for your work.

~ Edmund

McGuire said...

Perhaps this guy was following Jephthah's example;

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/16/toddler.killed.ap/index.html

TURLOCK, California (AP) -- Police killed a 27-year-old man as he kicked, punched and stomped a toddler to death despite other people's attempts to stop him on a dark, country road, authorities said.


Thoughts from the folks who are Ok with Jephthah killing his daughter?

v_quixotic said...

When I compare the Abraham story to the Jephthah story, the message I get is God doesn't care much for girls. This is odd, especially as Jephthah's (unnamed) daughter is an exemplar of dutiful obedience returning to be sacrificed and apparently not using the opportunity to relieve herself of that bemoan-worthy virginity when the opportunity was there to get 2 months head-start on the posse.

Hugo said...

Just thought about this, wasn't Jesus supposed to be God's son.
I know there are some other weird explanations 1+1+1=1??? but they're always saying that god sent his only son to be tortured, good father example!!!

Anon said...

brucker, is that a true story? If so, I don't know if it's funny or sad. Some preachers out there must have come to realize, if they didn't at the beginning, that the Bible really isn't all it's cracked up to be. So I guess they have a choice: continue to do their job, or quit, be shunned, and try to find another job. Not an easy choice.

Good point, hugo. That's maybe the worst father story of all. They say that God loved the world so much that he sent his Son to suffer and die, but they don't say what that means about what he thinks of his son (Jesus, I could just forgive humanity's sins, but I want to see blood: off you go!)

Erp said...

Of the lot given, I would say Aaron. He may well have kept silent because he still had two sons left alive and feared what God might do to them if he spoke up. I note he did refuse to eat some of the sacrifice that day.

Ian G. said...

Yeah, I have to agree with Hugo and Anon. God himself, rather than just forgiving mankind for its sins, decides to send his son to be tortured and killed to atone for mankind's sins. What a great father!

Steve Wells said...

Yeah, Erp, I think I agree with you on that. Still, I don't understand how Aaron could have continued to serve a god who burned his sons to death.

But then I don't see how Christians could serve a god that will torture their disbelieving friends and family forever in hell. Can some believer explain that to me?

Erp said...

Well we are speculating about pure legend but what would you do in Aaron's position knowing that to refuse to serve would probably get you and your entire family killed and some other poor fellow put in the same position? It is not as though there was any chance of escaping.

L. S. Allen said...

I give the worst Father's Day example to dwerp, who left the first post in the comment section.

dwerp, if you're such a righteous person and great Christian, what would Jesus say about the horrible things you said to the author of the blog? He will "burn in Hell for all of eternity"...nice! Are you judging? Didn't Jesus say "Judge not, lest ye be judged."?? I wonder what Jesus would say about your smart ass comment "there's nothin' you can do about it....wink, wink." Is that the kind of person Jesus wants you to be?

What sort of example are you setting for other Christians AND none believers by judging the article so harshly? Are none believers supposed to be convinced to convert by your arrogant, self-righteous tone? Of course your pompous view is backed by zero evidence or counterargument, aside from your own naive interpretation (and by the way, I've heard a lot of arguments, and yours is by far the worst). Even if you disagree with the content, is that the sort of thing that your God would encourage? To be hateful and pass judgment and damnation to another person simply because of conflicting opinion? Your post made me want to vomit.

Despite religious beliefs or affiliations, dwerp is the problem, and, without question, deserves the title of Worst Father Ever.

Cristiano SamZZ said...

Steve, you can't forget also that Saul tried to kill his own son with a spear when he found out that he was gay:


1 Samuel 20:32 And Jonathan answered Saul his father, and said unto him, Wherefore shall he be slain? what hath he done?

1 Samuel 20:33 And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him


Pretty good example to christians who have gay childrren eh?

Steve Wells said...

Thanks Christiano.

I added a note about that in the post and in the SAB. Somehow I missed that before!

Cristiano SamZZ said...

Wow, cool Steve. It's very hard for you to miss something, really, so I'm glad I could help. Just another little correction, the link in "Homosexuality in the Bible" is not 1 Samuel 21:31-33, its 1 Samuel 20:31-33.

See ya. ;)

Steve Wells said...

Thanks again, Cristiano. I've corrected the 1 Samuel link.

skanksta said...

Steve,

I think I've read all of your wonderful blog and I don't remember you covering the 'Jonathan - gay or not?!' question.

Was he ? What do the beleivers say ?
Might be a good topic; apologies if you have already covered.

@dwerf - I thought this was nailing it satire ! Was it ?

Matthew Blanchette said...

I doubt it, skanksta; he never showed up again to explain the "joke".

Steve, very good link that you provided... but it misses out on how nice God was in forcing his "people" to once again be enslaved by the Bablyonian Empire after they wanted freedom of thought; what a great dad! :-P

Steve Wells said...

skanksta,

You know, I'm not really sure about Jonathan's sexual orientation. Saul was clearly upset about his relationship with David, and it might have been because it was a homosexual affair, but it might have been because of Jonathan's political support of, and friendship with, David (Saul's enemy). Their relationship sure does seem gay, but it might just be a language thing. I honestly don't know. That's why I haven't discussed it much.

Erp said...

Thinking over things, I suspect the best father in the Bible is Joseph. He takes care of a child that isn't even his. This includes fleeing to Egypt so the kid isn't murdered and then moving permanently to a new place (according to Matthew).

For less than good fathers, also see Hosea who called two of his children "not loved" and "not my people". His third child was named after the site of a massacre.

Steve Wells said...

Yeah, I can see why you'd choose Joseph, Erp. But the Bible doesn't really say much about what kind of father he was. (Though it does sound like he tried to protect the Jesus from Herod by moving to Egypt for a while. Kind of a crazy thing to do based only on a dream, though, don't you think?)

And as for Hosea, well, he gave his kids some lousy names, but the Bible doesn't say anything else about him as a father, does it?

Jim4901 said...

Steve Wells asked how Christians could worship at God who sends people and their family to hell where they will burn forever.

God does not send people to Hell. He send Jesus to pay the price of our sin, and through faith in Him, we can live in Heaven for all eternity.

God also gave people free will, and He honours our choices. Some people choose not to believe in God, or to live by faith in Jesus. That choice results in rejecting eternal life in Heaven. God honours that choice, even though it breaks His heart.

According to Revelation 20:12-15, unbelievers will be cast into the Lake of Fire, which will be their second death. They will not burn in hell forever; they will be dead forever.

Erp said...

It doesn't take a dream just some knowledge of Herod. Going by Matthew, the kid gets visited by a group of well to do magi and proclaimed king by them. These same magi have also talked to the real king, Herod, and told them what they were doing. Any halfway intelligent man up on current politics would know it might be wise to get out of town fast before Herod moved to get rid of another rival (Herod had killed his own children as potential rivals). The other option is to get rid of the kid. Admittedly the whole Bethlehem/magi story never happened but within the story Joseph does seem to have been a concerned foster father.

Gordon Napier said...

If you extend 'Bible' to include the apocrypha, one might nominate St Peter from the apocryphal Acts of Peter, who prays for his daughter to become paralysed! http://jewishchristianlit.com/Resources/Nag/bActPet.html

skanksta said...

ty Steve and Blanchette,

lol @ dwerf then, I DIDN'T occur to me he meant it !

@Jim902010,

run that by me again ?!

Matthew Blanchette said...

Exactly, skanksta; it doesn't make a heapin' lick o' sense. :-P

Steve, this site might interest you; it hasn't been updated in a while, and the fellow's a little long-winded, but his arguments make a hell of a lot of sense: http://jesuspuzzle.humanists.net/home.htm ;-)

A Heathen with a Bible said...

Even as a kid, it always baffled me that practically every story in Genesis has the moral, "Sometimes God doesn't like you, probably because you were born first, and that's all there is to it". I recently started reading the bible beginning-to-end(aheathenreadsthebible.blogspot.com); my children's comic book bible left out a lot of these charming tales, but not all of them!

parthianking1 said...

You have, unwittingly, fallen into the "trap" Scripture sets for the reader. The assumption woven into your redaction of the ancient texts is that those who first wrote, edited, and read them were unaware of the human frailties you point out--and that readers today are /still/ unaware of them. This is a vain assumption.

Romans 4 speaks of Abraham (="Exalted Father") trusting in God who justifies the ungodly. He wasn't trusting for someone other than himself. The message of Scripture is for soft-hearted sinners who are only sure that they don't have all the answers, not know-it-alls who feel they have the God question worked out because they can tap out a blog.

Turtle said...

Wow. That took a lot of work. I too am struggling to find a perfect father in the scriptures... Short God of course who loved his creation enough to sacrifice His Son... But I find that how true that is to life around me, every father seems to have such major issues. It's a wonder any of us make it out of home alive. Guess it's just the grace of God.

mtcci said...

Please read the scriptures for yourself, asking GOD to help you understand.If you are not willing to understand what GOD has to say to you in the scriptures by asking with sincere heart, then it will just be foolishness to you.

Richard said...

Out of fairness I decided to mention someone who really was an awesome and loving father in the Bible. But then I came up blank. Man, it's hard to think of anyone there who exemplifies loving fatherhood.

The only example I can think of is the Pharaoh during Exodus; he lost his firstborn son to Yahweh's plagues and then, in great sadness, permitted the Israelites to leave. Sure, the story claims that he was guilty of enslaving God's favored people and any halfway decent father would mourn his deceased son, but it does show that he loved his son more than anything else in Egypt.

It's funny and ironic that the only example that came to my mind is the story's villain!

Richard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matteo said...

I hope this solves your doubts about Caleb: in the Vulgata (Latin) version of the Bible, it is apparent that
Othniel is Caleb's younger brother "Othonihel filius Cenez frater Chaleb iunior" because of nominative case concord :-)

Matteo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephen said...

Hey, Steve,
Thanks for that analysis. I'm not too concerned about the fathers in the bible because, good or bad, they do't have much to do with fatherhood today. I try to be the best father I can be; so far, so good.
And Happy Father's Day to you!

@ Blogger mtcci...
"If you are not willing to understand what GOD has to say to you in the scriptures by asking with sincere heart, then it will just be foolishness to you."

Er... no, it's just foolishness. :-)
Steve Weeks

Stephen said...

Blogger mtcci said...
"If you are not willing to understand what GOD has to say to you in the scriptures by asking with sincere heart, then it will just be foolishness to you."

Er... it *is* just foolishness!

Steve, Happy Father's Day!
Steve Weeks

rodrick rajive lal said...

This is a most enlightening post, just what we need today, in times when fewer and fewer of our youth go to church. I am preparing to speak on the occasion of Father's Day on the 24th. of June in my Church. I have gained a lot of inspiration from your post! Keep it up, God Bless

Stephen said...

rodrick rajive lal said...
"This is a most enlightening post, just what we need today, in times when fewer and fewer of our youth go to church."
Wed Jun 13, 09:30:00 PM 2012

Your sarcasm is wasted here.
Mine; not so much. :-)

Happy Father's Day anyway!
Steve Weeks

Stephen said...

Heh... I looked at the detail of that Meister Bertram painting in #15. It resembles the "money shot" from some porn movie, and Adam appears to have an actual "woody".
:lol:
Steve Weeks

Godless Poutine said...

This is really awesome! I've started something similar on my blog. But it's all here! Well done! ... Hope you don't accuse me of copying!

Ashwedster Ministryvac said...

Your Blog:
"Then later, if God asks you to kill one of your other children, do that too. Don't worry about it. God will probably send an angel to protect the abandoned child and provide a goat for you to kill instead of your kid at the last minute. Just be willing to abandon and kill your children for God if he asks you to. That's the important thing""



I was reading your blog for some ideas for Father's Day and the below comment that you make under Abraham section caught me off guard because I truly believe that's now how it should be interpret.

You said that "if God ask you to kill your children then you should do it" is an inaccurate interpretation of the bible and his message. This violate the "Do not murder" commandment (Exodus 20). He will not ask you to do such a thing because He will never going to ask or put you in a situation where there's not an alternative to do the right thing and you HAVE to sin. That will violate everything about God and His characters. He is love and He cares for his children

Also, the bible also tells us to not test God (Luke 4:2) but trust that "All things work together for the God of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

I hope that you reconsider my comment here because my intention here is pure and I hope that may the word of God give you a clearer understand of His word and Himself.

Stephen said...

Ashwedster Ministryvac said...
"He is love and He cares for his children..."

"I hope that you reconsider my comment here because my intention here is pure and I hope that may the word of God give you a clearer understand of His word and Himself."

You can keep repeating "god is love", etc., but that doesn't make it true. You really should read Steve Wells's book "Drunk with Blood". But, luckily, all those killings aren't true because god doesn't exist. Your intention may be pure, but the bible is pure make-believe.

I'll see your bible quotes about not testing god, and raise you these: Matthew 7:7-8, Luke 11: 9-10, and, if you're mor(m)on, 3 Nephi 14:7-8. Why don't you take these to heart and ask god to change my mind? Is he not capable of this?
I thought not.

Steve Weeks

JKerber said...

I'm sure I'm not the first one to point this out, but Matthew 23:9 says that you shall call no man father.. So much for father's day. I hope that my Catholic father doesn't get offended that I always do something for him on that day. =/

I've gone on a few websites like catholic.com but they don't really answer this question of Matthew. They all seem to just point to other verses where "father" is used. It just seems to emphasize more that the Bible contradicts itself, rather than explain why this verse doesn't mean what it says.

Unknown said...

This post is so misleading! Yes, Noah, Lot and ALL of the other righteous men in the bible weren't PERFECT. They were pretty much terrible sinners. JUST like the rest of us. Praise be to God that even sinners can be seen as righteous and pure in His eyes when we believe in Him and give our lives to Him!
All this post does is illustrate God's love, grace and forgiveness for those of us who turn to Him. Thank goodness! Because I am just as much of a sinner as Noah and all the rest of them.

Steve Wells said...

Unknown said: "This post is so misleading! Yes, Noah, Lot and ALL of the other righteous men in the bible weren't PERFECT."

Really? Then why does the Bible say they were. Take Noah, for example.

"Noah was a just man and perfect." Gen 6:9

And Job.

"There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect." Job 1:1

These two guys were perfect, according to God anyway.

There is nothing in the Bible that condemns the atrocious behavior of the fathers on the list. The Bible, in fact, praises them for it. And you should, too, if you believe in the Bible.

Antonio LeBron said...

One small note on the word "perfect". Referring to Noah, he was said to be "perfect in his generations" alluding to perfection as being relative. We must also consider that our translations of the original scriptures are just that, translations. Many of our translations were taken from the Greek where words take on different meanings based on inflection and context.

Pamela Moore said...

God is the best Father, just saying.
fathers day messages

William Foster said...

Wow. How ignorant the person is who took so much time to read these scriptures and write this great blasphemy. The way you have it written proves where your heart is and how hard it is. You have completely taken every scripture out of context and obviously don't know how to interpret the bible. One of my favorite old testament prophecies Hosea, you have took it as if the words were literal. The mother isn't Gomar and the children weren't their children. The mother is is real and the children is Israel's sons, daughters and grandchildren. Hosea is the mortal can see representative of God and his wife Gomar is the representative of Isreal. They have turned away from God and took on idolatry. God is the husband and Isreal is the wife, much like today Jesus is the husband and Christians are his wife. What then is it called when you step out on your spouse and go to other people for what your spouse is supposed to be the only one to give you? It's called adultery and Isreal going to something other than God is spiritual adultery. Hosea 1:2 says "When the LORD began to speak by Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea 'Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry and children of harlortry, for the land has committed great harlotry by departing from the LORD.
You must first be saved and be filled by the HOLY SPIRIT before you can be able to truly understand the Bible. So before you start criticizing and degrading God's Holy Word get right with Him.

Stephen said...

Blogger William Foster said...
"You...obviously don't know how to interpret the bible."

OK, Bill... so the bible isn't the literal inerrant transcription of god's word. Fine. What guidelines do you use to determine what's allegorical and what isn't?

Before you call Steve Wells "ignorant", I'd suggest you get your own spelling and punctuation in order:
"One of my favorite old testament prophecies Hosea, (sic)you have took (sic)it as if the words were literal. The mother isn't Gomar and the children weren't their children. The mother is is real (sic)and the children is (sic)Israel's sons, daughters and grandchildren. Hosea is the mortal can see (sic, WTF)representative of God and his wife Gomar is the representative of Isreal. They have turned away from God and took (sic)on idolatry."

But Happy Fathers' Day to you anyway; just don't be like those fathers in the bible!

And, Steve, Happy Fathers' Day to you as well!
Steve Weeks

Michael Sewell said...

Wow. It's always the bible with you bitter ones. Again and again, it's always God and His Holy word that constantly gets laughed and scorned by you types. Never do I see an attack on the Quran and Mohammed insatiable appetite for war and bloodshed and pedophelia.
So really, thanks so much for fortifying my Faith in GOD. You are doing an awesome job of making folks aware of just how wicked some are willing to be. Great job of confirming the scriptures. A couple that come to mind right now are, "Take heed that no man deceive you" and "Professing themselves to be wise, men became FOOLS"
Your tactic of singling out the one True Light just confirms which Truth the lost need to seek. I'd advise you to consider attacking other "false" faiths, just to kinda throw off those who are searching. Big Thanks! Keep working for the adversary! I think I just fell in Love with Jesus even more! God Bless You and all you pompous ways!

Stephen said...

@ Michael Sewell...

Happy to be of service! Good luck with your reinvigorated love affair with Jesus.

Why is it always the bible and not the quran? Well, I'm more familiar with the bible (it's a cultural thing). The book of mor(m)on is another good source.

Though I can't speak for all atheists, I *can* assure you that I'm not "bitter" at all. But I *do* enjoy seeing people make idiots of themselves over imaginary relationships with made-up entities.
Cheers!
Steve Weeks