14 April 2010

God's Top 50 Killings

Here is the list that I put together based on your ratings. Thanks for your help!

(See here for a complete list and estimated total for all of God's killings in the Bible.)

More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible

1 God killed every first born Egyptian child Ex 12:29-30
2 God sent two bears to rip apart 42 boys for making fun of a prophet's bald head 2Kg 2:23-24
3 God killed 14,700 for complaining about his killings Num 16:49
4 The Amalekite genocide 1Sam 15:2-3
5 God killed 70,000 because David had a census that he (or Satan) inspired him to have 2Sam 24:15, 1Chr 21:14
6 God slowly killed David's baby boy to punish David for adultery 2Sam 12:14-18
7 Jephthah sacrifices his daughter to God as a burned offering (to pay him back for helping him slaughter 20 cities) Jg 11:39
8 The Flood of Noah Gen 7:23
9 When the people complained, God burned them to death Num 11:1
10 Sodom and Gomorrah Gen 19:24
11 God killed 50,070 for looking into the ark of the Lord 1Sam 6:19
12 God and Satan kill Job's children in a bet Job 1:18-19
13 The opposing party is buried alive (with their families) Num 16:27
14 Jeroboam's son: God kills another child 1Kg 14:17
15 Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest 1Kg 18.22-40
16 God killed one million Ethiopians 2Chr 14:9-14
17 The Midianite Massacre: Have you saved the women alive? Num 31:1-35
18 Onan for spilling his seed Gen 38:10
19 The massacre of the peaceful, unsuspecting people Jg 18.27
20 Who is on the Lord's side? (Family and friends are forced to kill each other because of Aaron's golden calf) Ex 32:27-28
21 God made Jehoram's bowels fall out 2Chr 21:14-19
22 David killed 200 Philistines for their foreskins (to buy his first wife) 1Sam 18.27
23 Phinehas' double murder stops God's plague (after 14,000 were killed) Num 25:1-11
24 God burns Aaron's sons to death for offering him "strange fire" Lev 10:1-3
25 God sent snakes to bite people for complaining Num 21:6
26 God commands a blasphemer to be stoned to death Lev 24:10-23
27 God burned to death 102 men for asking Elijah to come down from his hill 2Kg 1:10-12
28 Herod was eaten by worms for not giving God the glory Acts 12:23
29 God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet 1Kg 20:35-36
30 God smote them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts 1Sam 5:1-12
31 God sent lions to eat those that don't fear him enough 2Kg 17:25-26
32 An angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers 2Kg 19:34, Is 37:36
33 250 are burned to death for burning incense Num 16:35
34 Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death Jos 7:10-12, 24-26
35 Ananias and Sapphira were killed by God for not giving Peter all their money Acts 5:1-10
36 God kills Ezekiel's wife and tells him not to mourn her death Ezek 24:15-18
37 God killed Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling 2Sam 6:6-7, 1Chr 13:9-10
38 Samson kills 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack Jg 16:27-30
39 Ehud delivers a message from God: A knife blade into a fat man's belly Jg 3:15-22
40 A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day Num 15:32-35
41 Seventy heads in two heaps 2Kg 10:6-10
42 Samson murders 30 men for their clothes Jg 14:19
43 Jehu assembles the followers of Baal and then slaughters them all 2Kg 10.18-25
44 God killed Nabal (and David got his wife and other stuff) 1Sam 25:38
45 Samson kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass Jg 15:14-15
46 A holy civil war (called by rotting concubine body part messages) Jg 20:35-37
47 Jeroboam's family: God kills a family 1Kg 15:29
48 God stops the sun so Joshua can kill in the daylight Jos 10:10-11
49 Baasha's family and friends: God kills another family 1Kg 16:11-12
50 A tale of two prophets 1Kg 13:11-24

12 comments:

Eric Cernyar said...

A lot of the top 50 killings are faithfully taught to children in illustrated Bible stories. I learned more than 1/3 of them in children's Bible lessons, many of them presented quite vividly in felt. There's an impressive list of Bible stories in "felt" at http://www.thefeltsource.com/Bible-List-of-Lessons.html.

The series includes -- of course -- "Lot's wife disobeys." But it may surprise you that the series even includes "Nadab And Abihu Disobey." Imagine teaching children that one. Never pass up a chance to teach a child obedience.

Steve, do you plan to rank the top 50 based on our "rantings" or just our "ratings" or maybe both?

Steve Wells said...

Eric, it amazes me that any of these stories would be told to children or to anyone else. They are absurd, cruel, and immoral.

I'm not sure yet how I'll rank them. But I'm pretty happy with the way the ratings are turning out. Any rating is subjective, but it helps to spread it out a bit.

Matthew Blanchette said...

I think I remember the entire story of Jehu being told in one version of a children's illustrated Bible I had...

joshua said...

I think that God stopped the sun for Joshua's slaughter should make the list - and not just because of my connection to Joshua via my first name. After all, when else does God add time for a killing? He could have just smitten them with some hail, or fire, or smoke - but no, they had to all die at the end of a blade.

Intrinsic said...

You know those "Good News Bible Clubs"? The one sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship -- probably the largest Children's Bible lesson developer in the country?

God's Top 50 Killings are popular CEF flannelgraph stories.

Take, for instance, CEF's "Biblegram" teacher's guide on the "Life of David." Vol. 1, Lesson 2 is on "Saul's Disobedience." In scene 4, on page 9, the manual (1972 edition) guides teachers to tell the children gathered around the following story, in flannelgraph:

It was some time later that Samuel came again to King Saul and said, "Listen to the Lord's message. (Place figures 13 and 17, Samuel and Saul) You are to go and entirely destroy the Amalekites -- people -- animal --every living thing. Nothing shall be left."

The Amalekites were a very wicked nation who tried to get rid of God's people many years before. God took care of His people and promised that some day He would destroy the Amalekites (Exodus 17:8-16). Now, that time had come. And Samuel went home, leaving Saul to carry out the command of the Lord. (Remove figures).

Soon afterward Saul and his army met the Amalekites on teh battlefield. The Amalekites were completely defeated. But all was not well....

And the story continues, complete with Samuel's rebuke of Saul:

"The Lord chose you to be king over Israel when you didn't think you were so important." Samuel must have been thinking about that monument that Saul had built to honor himself. He continued, "The Lord sent you out under His orders. He said 'Completely destroy the Amalekites, those evil doers.' Now why haven't you done it?"

Proud Saul refused to admit the sin of disobedience. Not only was he disobedient, he also was dishonest. He lied when he said he did all that God told him to do. It is a very serious thing not to agree that we are wrong when the Lord points it out to us. The Lord can neither save nor bless us if we do not admit our sins....

This is followed by a lecture on sin:

....When Saul heard again that he was to be rejected as king, he was sad. But he was not sorry about his sin. If we truly want God to forgive us our sins, we must not only admit that we have sinned, but we must be sorry about sin and turn from it....

How dreadful to refuse God's way for our own proud way. God is not satisfied with anything but complete obedience. But you cannot obey the Lord until you've trusted Him as your Savior from sin.

This is, of course, followed by a teacher-directed sinner's prayer.

The section on I Sam 15 is 2 pages long. It's a whole lesson. It's long.

CEF has since updated their teacher's manuals in some way -- but I don't know how. This is what the cover of the current version looks like:

http://cefpress.com/product.php?productid=250&cat=14&page=1

The summary mentions the guide covering the "victory over the Amalekites."

Gotta inoculate children to the barbarity of the Bible while they are still young.

Steve Wells said...

Joshua, I agree with you about the sun-stopping killing in Joshua 10. I've added it to the list (#48).

Thanks for the suggestion.

Matthew Blanchette said...

Holy fucking crap, joshua; that's... that's even worse than the Watchtower's stuff. :-O

XO said...

Include the biggest that is yet to come. Where everyone will be wiped out, save the elect: 2 Peter 3:10

Maria V said...

Thanks Steve for all the insight because I was once in a trance state of mind...Now that I'm free it feels really good..you have really done your homework..I wish I could've have encountered this info a long time ago...

Margarita Passion said...

I know I'm preaching to the choir here (for lack of a less abhorrant metaphor), but opponents of religion need to come out and say it: religion is child abuse. not just the murders perpetrated against children in the old testament, and not just jesus's curses upon successive generations after an initial trespass. But here, in the present, in every church and synagogue and mosque, millions of children are being taught that God will murder them, often painfully and slowly, for disobeying him. That, once murdered, their immortal souls will burn and rot in a very real hell with very real fire, torment, and torture for all of eternity. That our human nature is inherantly evil. That our very instincts, urges, appetites, though god-given, are abominations before an all-powerful murderer who, in the words of Christopher Hitchens, can convict us of thought crime even while we sleep."

We, as rationalists, need to be vocal advocates for the emotional and psychological well-being of children everywhere and say loudly and forecfully that religion is emotional and mental child abuse. The intent of the abusers is of no consequence. When a misguided father beats his children becuase that was how he was taught to discipline kids, we don't condone his violence because his intentions were good. We take his kids away, lock him in prison where he belongs, and offer the children various methods of recovery.

I have suffered for years, and still do, from anxiety, nightmares, panic attacks, and self-hatred because my mind was molded by these hateful beliefs and, like all mental habits, especially those of born of abuse, they are intractable to a large extent. No child should have to suffer like this and it's time we said so.

komal mahmood said...

I WONDER WHY GOD HASNT KILLED YOU AS YET....

praestans said...

Hi Steve,

many don't realise that in xtian doctrine, God's top 50 killings are in fact Jesus' top 50 Killings. since the Trinity means he/yahweh are the one and the same. thus God sayeth..means thus Jesus sayeth...

Xtians seem to thing meek Jesus is waiting in the wings whilst daddy is slaughtering the innocents..but Jesus is the very one killing them..