Have you ever wondered why the God of the Bible likes the phrase "piss against the wall" so much? I know I have.
Well wonder no more, because Pastor Steven L Anderson explains it all for you.
Here are some of the good pastor's words in the sermon.
And God says, "A man is someone who pisses against a wall." ... And you say, "Ah, you're being vile." I'm not being vile. God's the one who wrote the Bible.
...
We got pastors that pee sitting down. We got the president of the United States who probably pees sitting down. ... The editors of the NIV pee sitting down. The editors of the New King James all pee sitting down. I'm gonna tell you something. I will never pee sitting down.
So there you have it. According to the Bible, real men pee standing up.
And in case you want to mark them in your Bible, here are the six verses where God uses the phrase "piss against the wall."
So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall. 1 Samuel 25:22...surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.1 Samuel 25:34
Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall... 1 Kings 14:10
... he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.1 Kings 16:11
Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall....1 Kings 21:21
For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall,.... 2 Kings 9:8
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14 comments:
Oh. my. goodness.
I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Thanks for this!
The next time I hear a christian say that god is so awesome that we can't begin to comprehend him, they're getting this link. Thanks Steve.
Well I guess that explains why there are stone walls running through woods and fields all over New England. Too bad the Christian 'heartland' doesn't have them, must make it tough to hold it until one gets into town.
Wow. If peeing standing up is the only thing that makes one a man, I feel sorry for the women in that congregation.
The info at You Tube seems to indicate that the man is Pastor Steven L Anderson, not Perry Noble. Still very funny, all the same.
Thanks Steven B. I've made the correction.
I sent this to the pee preacher:
Hey piss boy, great piss sermon. I kind of looked at it, as a tinkle-party. Your sermon was exciting and full of piss and vinegar. The sermon was like a golden shower from god's lips. I laughed so hard, I pissed myself (No, not really, just a figure of speech), but I was standing up. People everywhere are going to want to hear your piss sermon. You might, even say, URINE huge demand. After the sermon we should all get pissed. I hope this doesn't piss you off; I wouldn't want you to be a piss poor loser, about it. Weeeeeeeeee should all be tolerant, and I don't want to get into a pissing contest with you.
I can hardly wait to hear your sermon on shit. That will be one shitty sermon!
Mal. 2:3 -- Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
And when you get really ambitious, you can preach a sermon about eating shit and drinking piss.
2 Kings 18:27 -- But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
Purer words have never been spoken.
--S.
Wow, I'm just curious, has no one stopped to think that "piss against the wall" maybe a term implying disrespect. None of those phrases state anything directly saying, "Give he who pisses against the wall a medal, for he surely is a man." ACTUALLY, in every verse, God is talking about punishing the one who "pisseth against the wall" - even killing them! I think I'd get mad if someone peed on the wall of my house too! As for the phrases used "He" ... well, the Bible is rarely, if ever, politically correct when it comes to gender during interpretation, eh?
Personally, I think this Pastor is a dumbass and needs to rethink his sermons. Not because I'm offended as a Christian, merely as a writer and human being. Pastors are supposed to be leaders, and he's LEADING people with a sermon on piss.... don't say much about his congregation.
thank god i am an atheist...
I wonder what this guy would think about a literal pissing contest I witnessed while in the USAF, when a woman stepped up and said she could piss further than any of the guys. So they all had their turn, then the woman stepped up, and got her pee so up and high that it went over the hood of a Camaro. None of the guys could do that! So I don't think a wall would be a problem, save for maybe going over it.
For years after that, anytime some dinosaur sexist would say women couldn't do what men could, all of us who witnessed the piss contest burst out laughing.
Guess you had to be there...
Howdy do, Steve,
I bet you'll dig moi's wee YouTube film/research
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7iQRFP_e90
Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor
I was primed to point out how The Reverend Anderson's presentation was misrepresented to make his words seem so stupid. Sadly, it wasn't misrepresented in the least. The man clearly illustrates the reason evangelical Christianity attracts so much well-deserved criticism.
Fundamentalists of all stripes like to cling to the absurd, whether Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, or adherents to any other of the uncountable belief systems. You may have trouble with this, but every human practices a belief system, even if it is belief in the nonexistence of something. Of all the fanatically held beliefs, however, Atheism is the most pitiful, in that its whole shtick is a negative.
At one time I tried to defend my Christian faith with valid logic. And don't bother telling me that using the term "christian" with "logic" is an oxymoron. I could make the same prejudiced statement about anyone who disagrees with me. Such verbiage proves less-than nothing. But after years of striving with bitter Atheists, I finally concluded I was "pissing into the wind."
Now, please think before you get all mad and start flaming me. Emotionalism is, after all, religion's fertilizer.
Jimmy,
Jimmy said, Fundamentalists of all stripes like to cling to the absurd, whether Christian, Jewish...
Evidently you do not lump yourself with fundamentalists, but do you consider your beliefs absurd?
1. Do you believe in talking snakes?
2. Do you believe in talking donkeys?
3. Do you believe the sun can stop in the middle of the sky and stay in one position, all day?
4. Do you believe in virgin births?
5. Do you believe a man can magically walk on water?
6. Do you believe a man can magically bring people back from the dead?
7. Do you believe the act of sacrificing Jesus, somehow, magically atoned for humanities sins?
8. Do you believe God answers prayers?
Jimmy, hitting the nail on the head, said, You may have trouble with this, but every human practices a belief system, even if it is belief in the nonexistence of something.
Yeah, right, that's why, every minute, of every day, I have to believe, with all my heart, there is no such thing as Santa. I have to have an unwavering faith, that he will not come down my chimney and deliver toys to me. The nonexistence of Santa and the belief that he doesn't exist, consumes me and the whole shtick has been a huge negative, in my life. [sarcasm]
The only thing that is absurd, is you trying to make the case, atheism is a belief. You try to make this ridiculous comparison to associate atheism to your own beliefs. You are in essence trying to put atheism on the same playing field as theism and you want people to conclude they are equal, so as to justify your faith.
What you have is faith. Faith is believing in something that has no evidence, no logical proof or material evidence. Do you believe in leprechauns? Can they magically grant you wishes? Do you believe in leprechauns even though the evidence is largely conclusive that they do not exist? If you did believe in them, then you could only believe in them, on faith. But being a reasonably, educated person do you really go around living day to day practicing in a belief system that believes in the non-existence of leprechauns? NO, that's absurd. You just, simply DO NOT believe in leprechauns, because you see zero proof of them existing -- you don't have to have faith that they don't exist. And, in exactly the same way, we simply do not believe in your Bible-God -- It doesn't take belief or faith, there is just no evidence.
There is an infinite amount of conceivable things we can come up with that are non-existent: The list is only limited to the imagination. Do you have a belief in the non-existence of all those things that can be imagined? Take for example Allah, Zeus, Aphrodite, Thor, Mother Earth, Krishna, Brahma, or any of the 330,000 deities in the Hindu religion, alone -- are you going to honestly say you have a belief system in place that has to BELIEVE that all these deities are non-existent? Or is it simply you don't have any knowledge or evidence of these deities existing?
The God's honest truth (pun intended) is you are just as atheistic in regards to those Gods. The same way you dismiss those (think real hard why you dismiss those Gods without having a belief system in the non-existent) Gods is the same way I dismiss your God. And guess what? -- You are not wallowing in a pit of atheistic negativity over the non-existence of those Gods.
--S.
What a great sermon! This is the stuff that really matters, but you so rarely hear it preached.
It's clearly time I threw away my NRSV (which glosses "one who pisses against the wall" as "male") and got a KJV instead.
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