31 August 2006

Satan vs God: an updated body count

For those of you keeping score, I've made some additions to the list of people killed by God.
SAB, Brick Testament Number killed
God tells Joshua to stoned to death Achan (and his family) for taking the accursed thing. Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26, BT 5+
God tells Joshua to attack Ai and do what he did to Jericho (kill everyone). Joshua 8:1-25, BT 12,000
God delivered Canaanites and Perizzites Judges 1:4, BT 10,000
Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife into the king's belly Jg.3:15-22, BT 1
God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other. Jg.7:2-22, 8:10, BT 120,000
Seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord 2 Sam.21:6-9 7
God sent a lion to kill a man for not killing a prophet 1 Kg.20:35-36 1
Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god. 2 Kg.1:2-4, 17, 2 Chr.22:7-9 1
Trampled to death for disbelieving Elijah 2 Kg.7:17-20 1
Jezebel 2 Kg.9:33-37 1
God sent lions to kill some foreigners 2 Kg.17:25-26 3+
Saul 1 Chr.10:14 1

So chalk up another 142,021 for God, for a new total of 2,270,365. Satan's score remains at 10.

30 August 2006

God's uncounted and uncountable killings

In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,270,365, but that didn't include the many massacres for which no body count is given. So, for the sake of completeness, I figured I ought to at least provide a list of God's un-named and un-numbered victims.
  1. God drowns everyone on earth.
    Genesis 7:21-23, Brick Testament

  2. God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.
    Genesis 19:24, BT

  3. God kills all the firstborn Egyptian children.
    Exodus 12:29, BT

  4. God drowns Pharaoh's army in the sea.
    Exodus 14:4-28, BT

  5. God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites.
    Exodus 17:13, BT

  6. God burned to death an unknown number for complaining.
    Numbers 11:1, BT

  7. God sent a plague for complaining about the food.
    Numbers 11:33, BT

  8. God killed those who murmured with a plague.
    Numbers 14:36-37, BT

  9. Massacre of the Aradites
    Numbers 21:3, BT

  10. For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.
    Numbers 21:6, BT

  11. God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until their was none left alive."
    Numbers 21:34-35, BT

  12. The slaughter of the Anakim, the childen of Esau, and the Horims
    A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them ... As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them. -- Deuteronomy 2:21-22

  13. God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people.
    And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain: -- Deuteronomy 2:33-34, BT

  14. God delievered the king of Bashan so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (60 cities)
    So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining. ... And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. -- Deuteronomy 3:3-6, BT

  15. Massacre of Jericho
    And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city [Jericho], both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. -- Joshua 6:21, BT

  16. God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.
    And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way ... the LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them unto Azekah, and they died: they were more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword. -- Joshua 10:10-11

  17. Massacre of Makkedah
    Joshua 10:28, BT

  18. Massacre of Libnah
    Joshua 10:29-30, BT

  19. Massacre of Lachish
    Joshua 10:32, BT

  20. Massacre of Gezer
    Joshua 10:33, BT

  21. Massacre of Eglon
    Joshua 10:34-35, BT

  22. Massacre of Hebron
    Joshua 10:36-37, BT

  23. Massacre of Debir
    Joshua 10:38-39, BT

  24. God delivers the Hazorites.
    The LORD delivered them into the hand of Israel ... and they smote them, until they left them none remaining. -- Joshua 11:8-12, BT

  25. Massacre of the Anakim
    Joshua 11:20-21, BT

  26. Massacre of the Canaanites
    Judges 4:15, BT

  27. God delivered the Ammonites to Jephthah to slaughter.
    The LORD delivered them into [Jephthah's] hands. And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter. -- Judges 11:32-33

  28. God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.
    Every man's sword was against his fellow, and there was a very great discomfiture. -- 1 Samuel 14:20

  29. God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.
    Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. ... And Saul smote the Amalekites ... and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword. -- 1 Samuel 15:2-18

  30. God delivers the Philistines.
    I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand. So David ... smote them with a great slaughter. -- 1 Samuel 23:2-5

  31. God delivers the Philistines to David (again).
    And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? ... And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand. ... And David did so, as the LORD had commanded him; and smote the Philistines." -- 2 Samuel 5:19, 25

  32. God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.
    Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the LORD. And the LORD answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites." -- 2 Samuel 21:1

  33. Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."
    He smote all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 15:29-30

  34. Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."
    He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD. -- 1 Kings 16:11-12

  35. God calls for a seven year famine.
    The LORD hath called for a famine; and it shall also come upon the land seven years. -- 2 Kings 8:1

  36. God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.
    The wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. Therefore he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand. -- 2 Chronicles 36:16-17

25 August 2006

The worth of a woman: the Bible vs. the Quran

Don't you love it when the Bible and the Quran agree (more or less) on something? I do. Because whenever they do, you can be pretty sure they're both wrong.

Take the worth of a woman, for example. They go at it from slightly different angles, but come up with the same answer. A woman is worth about half as much as a man.

Here's what the Bible has to say.

And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver.... And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.

And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.

And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.

And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels. -- Leviticus 27:3-7

So, depending on their age, females are worth 1/2 to 2/3 as much as males.

But what does the Quran say?

Well it doesn't come right out, like the Good Book does, and place a monetary value on human life, male and female. But it does compare the value of men and women from a financial point of view.

Allah chargeth you concerning (the provision for) your children: to the male the equivalent of the portion of two females, and if there be women more than two, then theirs is two-thirds of the inheritance, and if there be one (only) then the half. -- Quran 4:11

... unto the male is the equivalent of the share of two females. -- Quran 4:176

And the Quran tells us just how much we should trust a woman's testimony: it's worth half that of a man's.

And call two witness from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men be not at hand, then a man and two women. -- Quran 2:282

So praised be Jesus and Muhammed (peanut butter and jelly be upon them)! The Bible and the Quran agree: a woman is worth half as much as a man.

24 August 2006

A tale of two prophets

Okay. I've missed another one. (Thanks Joshua Ditty)

In 1 Kings 13, there's a story about two prophets, where one prophet is killed by God (well, a lion that is sent by God) for believing another prophet's lie.

I know it's a silly story, and it's a bit complicated, but it ups the score for God to 2,124,335+ (not including Job's sons and daughters). Satan's score remains at 10.

Have ye saved all the women alive?

Oops! In my post, How many has God killed?, I forgot to include the Midianite massacre. But luckily David Plotz in Blogging the Bible reminded me.

Plotz calls it the "most hideous war crime in a Bible filled with them." And he's right about that. It is simply impossible to read this and still believe that it was inspired by a kind and loving God. Here's a brief summary, but if you haven't read the entire story, be sure to do so. (Numbers 31:1-35)

God tells Moses to "avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites." So "they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males," taking the women and children captive.

But when the officers returned from the battle, Moses was angry with them, saying, "Have ye saved all the women alive?" So he tells them to

...kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. (Numbers 31:17-18)

The soldiers do as they were told, killing all the women and children except for the virgins, of which there were 32,000. And since there must have been at least twice as many men, non-virgin women, and young boys, I used 90,000 for the Midianite massacre in the revised death toll.

The Brick Testament: Massacre of the Midianties

20 August 2006

Some suggestions for the next Left Behind Game

The Left Behind video game has been criticized for being too violent. But Jerry Jenkins defends it by saying, "It's not as violent as the Old Testament." And he's right about that. It isn't.

So Jerry has some work to do in future revisions, because the game should be just as violent as the Bible. To achieve that goal, I suggest that the following scenes be included in the next Left Behind game.

Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts is the land darkened, and the people shall be as the fuel of the fire: no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm. -- Isaiah 9:19-20

Their stink shall come up out of their carcases, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood. -- Isaiah 34:3

And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine. -- Isaiah 49:26

Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will fill all the inhabitants of this land ... with drunkenness. And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them. -- Jeremiah 13:13-14

And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. -- Jeremiah 19:9

Therefore the fathers shall eat the sons in the midst of thee, and the sons shall eat their fathers. -- Ezekiel 5:10

I will not feed you: that that dieth, let it die; and that that is to be cut off, let it be cut off; and let the rest eat every one the flesh of another. -- Zechariah 11:9

Their flesh shall consume away while they stand upon their feet, and their eyes shall consume away in their holes, and their tongue shall consume away in their mouth. -- Zechariah 14:12

And it's important to show the kids how they should view all this mayhem. The Bible is very clear on the subject and this should be an integral part of the game.

The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. -- Psalm 58:10

And their dead bodies shall lie in the street ... And they ... shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves. And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another. -- Revelation 11:8-10

Christian children should look forward to seeing their non-believing family, friends, and neighbors viciously killed, be willing to participate in the slaughter, and be eager to wash their feet in the freely-flowing blood of the unbelievers. Because the Left Behind game should not only be good clean fun; it should also help prepare the children for what is soon to come.

11 August 2006

God's death toll in the Bible, Book of Mormon, and Quran

In previous posts, I counted the number of people killed by God and Satan in the Bible: 2,821,364 and 10, respectively. That made me wonder how God's death toll in the Bible would compare with its rival holy books: the Quran and the Book of Mormon. Here's what I found.
(I'm only including killings that provide an exact number of victims.)

The Book of Mormon
Who Passage Number Killed
Laban 1 Nephi 4:10-18 1
Sherem Jacob 7:15-20 1
Noah Mosiah 19:16-24 1
Lamanites Mosiah 9:18 3043
Nehor Alma 1:15 1
Amlicites Alma 2:16-19 12532
Amlici Alma 2:30-31-19 1
KorihorAlma 30:591
Zerahemnah Alma 44:12 1
dissenters Alma 51:29 4000
Amalickiah Alma 51:33-34 1
Lamanites Alma 57:14 2000
Ammoron Alma 62:36 1
Paanchi Helaman 1:7-8 1
Zemnarihah 3 Nephi 4:28 1
Nephite soldiers Mormon 6:9-15 230,000
Mighty men Ether 15:2 2,000,000

The Quran
Who Passage Number Killed
Korah 28:79-81 1
Noah's wife and son 11:42 2
Lot's wife 66:10 1

And here's a summary of all three.
God's Death Toll
Bible 2,821,364
Book of Mormon 2,251,586
Quran 4

How are Jesus and Satan alike?

  1. They are both like a lion.
    Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Juda, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof. -- Revelation 5:5

    Your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. -- 1 Peter 5:8

  2. They are the morning star (Venus).

    I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star. -- Revelation 22:16

    How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! -- Isaiah 14:12

  3. They existed before the universe was created.

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. -- John 1:1

    Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? ... When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? -- Job 38:4-7

  4. They are sons of God.

    The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God -- Mark 1:1

    Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them. -- Job 1:6, 2:1

09 August 2006

Who has killed more, Satan or God?

And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. Job 1:7

In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,476,633, which, of course, greatly underestimates God's total death toll, since it only includes those killings for which specific numbers are given. No attempt was made to include the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc., with which the good book is filled. Still, 2 million is a respectable number even for world class killers.
But how does this compare with Satan? How many did he kill in the Bible?
Well I can only find ten, and even these he shares with God, since God allowed him to do it as a part of a bet. I'm talking about the seven sons and three daughters of Job.
There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job ... And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.
And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? Then Satan answered the LORD ... put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house...And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. -- Job 1:1-19
So it seems that both Satan and God share the blame (or the credit) for these killings. If so, then the tally would be:

God 2,476,633
Satan 10
No contest.

I've tried to assign numbers to the un-numbered killings in the Bible. You can see the detailed list here.
The results were even more lopsided: 25 million (plus or minus a few million) for God; 60 for Satan.

Here is a more complete table.
numbered killings estimated total killings
God 2,476,633 25 million
Satan 10 60
Much more information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible

02 August 2006

How many has God killed?

I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
How many people did God kill in the Bible?

It's impossible to say for sure, but plenty. How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? How many first-born Egyptians did he kill? There's just no way to count them all.

But sometimes the Bible tells us exactly how many were killed by God. So what happens if you total all of these killings? What number do you get?

Well, here's what I came up with: 2,476,633

Note that this number is a gross underestimate of the total number. It doesn't include, in many cases, women and children, and it completely leaves out some of God's more impressive kills. (Like the flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, the firstborn Egyptian children, etc.)

So what happens if you use estimates when the Bible provides only numbers for adult male victims or no numbers at all?

Here's my estimate: 25 million

And here is a complete list of all of God's killings in the Bible.

Much more information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible

01 August 2006

The Wisdom of Korihor

Korihor is a strange character. He shows up for the first time in Alma 30:12, where he is called the Anti-Christ.
...this Anti-Christ, whose name was Korihor -- v.12

After this rude introduction, Korihor speaks just about the only truth you'll find in the Book of Mormon. Here's what he says about the foolishness of faith:

O ye that are bound down under a foolish and a vain hope, why do ye yoke yourselves with such foolish things? Why do ye look for a Christ? For no man can know of anything which is to come.

Behold, these things which ye call prophecies, which ye say are handed down by holy prophets, behold, they are foolish traditions of your fathers. How do ye know of their surety? Behold, ye cannot know of things which ye do not see; therefore ye cannot know that there shall be a Christ. ... it is the effect of a frenzied mind; and this derangement of your minds comes because of the traditions of your fathers, which lead you away into a belief of things which are not so. -- vv.13-16

And to the religious leaders:

And Korihor said unto him: Because I do not teach the foolish traditions of your fathers, and because I do not teach this people to bind themselves down under the foolish ordinances and performances which are laid down by ancient priests, to usurp power and authority over them, to keep them in ignorance, that they may not lift up their heads, but be brought down according to thy words. Ye say that this people is a free people. Behold, I say they are in bondage. Ye say that those ancient prophecies are true. Behold, I say that ye do not know that they are true. Ye say that this people is a guilty and a fallen people, because of the transgression of a parent. Behold, I say that a child is not guilty because of its parents. -- vv.23-25

And thus ye lead away this people after the foolish traditions of your fathers, and according to your own desires; and ye keep them down, even as it were in bondage, that ye may glut yourselves with the labors of their hands, that they durst not look up with boldness, and that they durst not enjoy their rights and privileges. Yea, they durst not make use of that which is their own lest they should offend their priests, who do yoke them according to their desires, and have brought them to believe, by their traditions and their dreams and their whims and their visions and their pretended mysteries, that they should, if they did not do according to their words, offend some unknown being, who they say is God -- a being who never has been seen or known, who never was nor ever will be. -- vv.27-28

Korihor is arrested for his wise words of honest disbelief, and then taken before the high priest, Alma.

Alma said unto him: Believest thou that there is a God?

And he answered, Nay. -- vv.37-38

Korihor said unto Alma: If thou wilt show me a sign, that I may be convinced that there is a God, yea, show unto me that he hath power, and then will I be convinced of the truth of thy words.

But Alma said unto him: Thou hast had signs enough; will ye tempt your God? Will ye say, Show unto me a sign, when ye have the testimony of all these thy brethren, and also all the holy prophets? The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator. -- vv.43-44

Since Alma can't refute Korihor's arguments, he says he'll have God smite him so that he can no longer speak. It's better, he says, that Korihor's soul be lost than that he convince others that there is no God.

...it is better that thy soul should be lost than that thou shouldst be the means of bringing many souls down to destruction, by thy lying and by thy flattering words; therefore if thou shalt deny again, behold God shall smite thee, that thou shalt become dumb, that thou shalt never open thy mouth any more, that thou shalt not deceive this people any more. -- v. 47

So "Korihor was struck dumb, that he could not have utterance, according to the words of Alma." And he "was cast out, and went about from house to house begging for his food. ... And as he went forth amongst them, behold, he was run upon and trodden down, even until he was dead." (vv.50, 56, 59)

So there you have it. Korihor was a freethought martyr and is the true hero of the Book of Mormon. We would all do well to follow his advice.

Lot, the just and righteous

Lot was one of God's special heroes. Out of all of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, God saved only Lot and his family. And why did God save Lot, you ask? Because Lot was, according to the bible, a just and righteous man.

And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds.) -- 2 Peter 2:7-8

What did God like so much about Lot? Well, the bible doesn't say. About the only thing that we know about him is that he offered his two virgin daughters to a crowd of angel rapers, saying:

Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes. -- Genesis 19:8
(Lot was probably lying about the "virgin" part, just to make his daughters look more attractive to the lecherous mob. According to Genesis 19:14 both of his "virgin" daughters were married.)

And that he later allowed himself to get drunk and impregnate them.

And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him. ... And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. Genesis 19:30-36

But that should be enough to show us what God considers "just and righteous."

Sodom and Gomorrah

The Seduction of Lot