28 April 2012

A Perfect Case for Biblical Justice: Thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her

When reading God's commandment in Deuteronomy 25:11-12, have you ever wondered if such a punishment is really necessary?

Here's the passage.
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.
Well, wonder no more.

China News 24 reports that a woman came to the assistance of her husband in a fight by grabbing the other man's testicles. She squeezed them so hard, in fact, that the man died.

Now, thanks to the Bible, we know what to do with her.

The Book of Job

27 April 2012

Mitt Romney: The Ryan budget is a marvelous work and a wonder

A few weeks ago, President Obama made fun of Mitt Romney for describing Paul Ryan's budget as "marvelous" by saying,
Marvelous is a word you don't often hear when it comes to describing a budget. It's a word that you don't often hear generally.
Which is true, generally, unless you're a Mormon.

Mormons love the word "marvelous." It was one of Joseph Smith's favorite words. He used it 50 times in the book of Mormon, compared to the 24 times it is found in the King James Version of the Bible. And since the Bible is nearly five times as big as the Book of Mormon, the Book of Mormon is about ten times as "marvelous" as the Bible.

Here's a table to summarize the marvelousness of these two marvelous books.

Bible Book of Mormon
Marvelous 24 50
number of verses 31,102 6553
Occurrences per 10,000 verses 7.7 76.3

But one of the phrases that Joseph Smith loved the most was "a marvelous work and a wonder." He used it to describe his own work, the Book of Mormon, and Mormons have used it as a code name for their sacred text ever since.

Here is how the phrase is used in Mitt Romney's third favorite book. (His favorite book is either Battlefield Earth or the Bible.)
And the Lord will set his hand again the second time to restore his people from their lost and fallen state. Wherefore, he will proceed to do a marvelous work and a wonder among the children of men. 2 Nephi 25:17
Therefore, I will proceed to do a marvelous work among this people, yea, a marvelous work and a wonder, for the wisdom of their wise and learned shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent shall be hid.2 Nephi 27:26
So when Romney called the Ryan budget "marvelous," he was using a word that is often heard in Mormondom. I suspect that if Romney was fully unzipped, he would say it is "a marvelous work and a wonder" just like the Book of Mormon.

23 April 2012

The Book of Mormon: The whiter the skin, the closer to God

Tim Giago, the founder of the Native American Journalist Association, has an excellent article with this title at the Huffington Post. It inspired me to find the verses in the Book of Mormon that mention skin color.

Here's what I found. Let me know if I missed any.

Mary (Jesus's mother) was exceedingly fair and white.
And it came to pass that I looked and beheld the great city of Jerusalem, and also other cities. And I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white. 1 Nephi 11:13
Jesus, of course, was as white as his mom, as were his disciples. Indeed, after they were blessed by Jesus, the disciples became whiter than anything else on earth -- as white as Jesus even!
It came to pass that Jesus blessed them as they did pray unto him; and his countenance did smile upon them, and the light of his countenance did shine upon them, and behold they were as white as the countenance and also the garments of Jesus; and behold the whiteness thereof did exceed all the whiteness, yea, even there could be nothing upon earth so white as the whiteness thereof. 3 Nephi 19:25
And when Jesus had spoken these words he came again unto his disciples; and behold they did pray steadfastly, without ceasing, unto him; and he did smile upon them again; and behold they were white, even as Jesus.  3 Nephi 19:30
The Nephites (God's favorite people) were also white and exceedingly delightsome.
It came to pass that the people of Nephi did wax strong, and did multiply exceedingly fast, and became an exceedingly fair and delightsome people. 4 Nephi 10
Even the Gentiles (white, non-Mormon Protestants in Mormon-speak) were exceedingly fair and beautiful.
 And I beheld the Spirit of the Lord, that it was upon the Gentiles, and they did prosper and obtain the land for their inheritance; and I beheld that they were white, and exceedingly fair and beautiful, like unto my people before they were slain. 1 Nephi 13:15
But the Lamanites (or Native Americans) were not. They were once "a delightsome people," but God made them a dark-skinned, "filthy and loathsome people, led about by Satan" because of their unbelief and idolatry.
This people ... shall become a dark, a filthy, and a loathsome people ... because of their unbelief and idolatry. ... They were once a delightsome people ... But now, behold, they are led about by Satan. Mormon 5:15-18
Still, there is some hope for Native Americans. If they convert to Mormonism, their skins will turn white, and they will become a "delightsome." (The original "white" in this verse was later changed to "pure" to soften the obvious racism of this prophecy.)
And then shall they rejoice; for they shall know that it is a blessing unto them from the hand of God; and their scales of darkness shall begin to fall from their eyes; and many generations shall not pass away among them, save they shall be a pure and delightsome people. 2 Nephi 30:6
It happened before. God removed his curse from the "good" Lamanites (the ones that "united with the Nephites"), and they "became exceedingly fair, with skins "white like unto the Nephites."
It came to pass that those Lamanites who had united with the Nephites were numbered among the Nephites; And their curse was taken from them, and their skin became white like unto the Nephites; And their young men and their daughters became exceedingly fair, and they were numbered among the Nephites. 3 Nephi 2:14
And it can happen to you, too. If you turn to God and become Mormon, God will make your skin spotless, pure, fair, and white.
O then ye unbelieving, turn ye unto the Lord; cry mightily unto the Father in the name of Jesus, that perhaps ye may be found spotless, pure, fair, and white. Mormon 9:6
So there you have it. According to the Book of Mormon, the whiter the skin, the closer to God.

21 April 2012

A Green Bible Verse for Earth Day

Repost for Earth Day

Here is a verse that is marked green in the world's most dishonest book -- The Green Bible.
Therefore thus says the Lord God: My anger and my wrath shall be poured out on this place, on human beings and animals, on the trees of the field and the fruit of the ground; it will burn and not be quenched. Jeremiah 7:20, The Green Bible
I have no idea why it's marked green, except that the words "animals", "trees", and "fruit" are in it.

And yet when you read chapter 7 of Jeremiah, the meaning of this verse is clear enough: God's wrath will be poured out on the environment to punish humans for worshiping incorrectly.

There are no green Bible verses. There are only verses dishonestly marked green in the Green Bible.

20 April 2012

Martin Basher: Book of Mormon condemns Mitt Romney to hell

Mitt Romney is going to hell, if the Book of Mormon is true, that is.

Martin Basher pointed this out on his MSNBC show by exposing a few of Mitt's more recent lies and quoting from Mormon scripture.

The first quote is from the Doctrine and Covenants.
(Mislabeled in the video as "Book of Mormon" -- The Doctrine and Covenants is a part of LDS scripture but it is not in the Book of Mormon.)
All liars, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie, and the whoremonger and the sorcerer, shall have their part in that lake which burneth with fire and brimstone which is the second death. Doctrine and Covenants 63:17
The second is from 2 Nephi. (9:34, not 2:34 as said in the video)
Wo unto the liar for he shall be thrust down to hell. 2 Nephi 9:34
Here's the video.

16 April 2012

Achieving a Celestial Marriage: What Mitt and Ann Romney believe about God, marriage, and working moms

What does Mitt Romney believe about working mothers?

Well, as with most things Mitt Romney says, it depends on when you ask. Lately he says  that "all moms are working moms"; a few months ago he said that "even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work." But the apparent inconsistency is easily resolved: the first statement referred to wealthy moms (like his wife, Ann) and the latter statement to everyone else.

So what does Mitt Romney really believe about working moms? To find out, we need to see what the Mormon church teaches about God, marriage, and working mothers.

Fortunately, it's all laid out in Achieving a Celestial Marriage, the LDS Church's official manual for instructing  young Mormons about marriage.

Here are some excerpts. (Emphasis in the original)

First, about God.

(1-2) He Lived on an Earth Like Our Own
"God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens!" Joseph Smith, Teachings, p. 345 
(1-3) He Experienced Conditions Similar to Our Own and Advanced Step by Step
(1-4) Our Father in Heaven Lives in an Exalted Marriage Relationship
(1-5) We are Literal Children of God, Part of His Family Unit
(1-6) We Lived with Our Heavenly Parents Prior to Coming to Earth
(1-7) We Have the Potential to Become like Our Heavenly Parents
About Marriage
(1-12) The Lord Commands Marriage
(1-13) Exaltation is Based on Celestial Marriage
 "No man shall receive the fulness of eternity, of exaltation, alone, no woman shall receive that blessing alone; but man and wife, when they receive the sealing power in the temple of the Lord, if they thereafter keep all the commandments, shall pass on to exaltation, and shall continue and become like the Lord." ( Joseph Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, 2:43-44)
(1-14) "Then Shall They Be Gods, Because They Have No End"
(1-15) Only Resurrected and Glorified Geings May Become Parents of Spirit Offspring
 (1-19) Celestial Marriage Makes it Possible for Us to Claim Our Mortal Children in Eternity As Well As to Propagate Ourselves Throughout Eternity
"We will become gods and have jurisdiction over worlds, and they worlds will be peopled by our own offspring." (Joseph Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, 2:43-44, 48)
About Contraception and Birth Control
(16-6) Those Who Practice Birth Control Will Reap Disappointment
(16-8) The Root Reasons for Birth Control
"... in most cases the desire not to have children has its birth in vanity, passion, and selfishness."
(16-10) Unwillingness to Have Children -- an Onslaught Against the Home 
 "The precepts of men would have you believe that by limiting the population of the world, we can have peace and plenty. That is the doctrine of the devil." (Ezra Taft Benson in CR, Apr. 1969, p. 12
And, finally, about working moms
(14-8) Present-Day Allurements Versus the True Responsibilities and Influence of Women
"It is of great concern to all who understand this glorious concept that Satan and his cohorts are using scientific arguments and nefarious propaganda to lure women away from their primary responsibilities as wives, mothers, and homemakers. We hear so much about emancipatioon, independence, sexuual liberation, birth control, abortion, and other insidious propaganda belittling the role of motherhood, all of which is Satan's way of destroying woman, the hom, and the famliy -- the basic unit of society. . . ."
(14-14) It is Seldom Justifiable for Mothers to Work
"How can mothers justify their abandonmnet of home when they are needed so much by their offspring? Rationalization must take over as they justfy themselves in leaving home and children." Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, pp. 116-17.)
So there you have it. That is what Mitt and Ann Romney believe about working moms. They believe that there shouldn't be any (Except for "working moms" like Ann Romney).

Your ziff is safe with Mitt (What the Book of Mormon says about taxes)

(Re-post for tax time)

I know Romney doesn't like to talk about his Mormon faith. And it's unconstitutional for us to ask him about it or even think about it. But I just can't help it.

What does the Book of Mormon say about politics? Taxes, for example.
Well here's a quote from Mitt's second or third favorite book, the Book of Mormon. (His favorite book is either Battlefield Earth or the Bible.)
And now it came to pass [things often come to pass in the Book of Mormon] that Zeniff [don't you just love Book of Mormon names?] conferred the kingdom upon Noah, one of his sons; therefore Noah began to reign in his stead; and he did not walk in the ways of his father. For behold, he did not keep the commandments of God, but he did walk after the desires of his own heart. And he had many wives and concubines. And he did cause his people to commit sin, and do that which was abominable in the sight of the Lord. Yea, and they did commit whoredoms and all manner of wickedness. And he laid a tax of one fifth part of all they possessed, a fifth part of their gold and of their silver, and a fifth part of their ziff, and of their copper, and of their brass and their iron; and a fifth part of their fatlings; and also a fifth part of all their grain. Mosiah 11:1-3
So King Noah was a bad guy (everyone in the Book of Mormon is either a good guy or a bad guy) who didn't keep God's commandments, had lots of wives (like Joseph Smith), and did all kinds of abominable things in front of God and everybody (also like Joseph Smith). And this bad king taxed the people 20% of all their gold, silver, copper, brass, iron, fatlings, and grain. Oh, and on their ziff, too.

Now only a bad king would put a 20% flat tax on everything, including ziff.
The point of these verses (if there is a point) is that taxes are evil and a flat tax of 20% is especially evil. Just what the heck ziff might be is another matter entirely.

Mormon apologists admit that they don't really know what ziff was, but they say it might have been some type of metal. But I doubt it.

I bet it was beer.

12 April 2012

Book of Mormon Action Figures: Before and After the Curse of Blackness

This is, without a doubt, one of my favorite items: Book of Mormon Action Figures. (They're even better than those from My Dinner with Andre.)

Here, for example, is Laman, before and after God darkened his skin.

But in order to really appreciate them, you need to know something about Laman and his descendants (the Native Americans), as told in the Book of Mormon.
  1. "Laman and (his evil brother) Lemuel ... were like unto the Jews."  (Being like a Jew is about as bad as it gets in the Book of Mormon.) 1 Nephi 2:11-13
  2. Laman  was "white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome" before the curse, but God caused "a skin of blackness" to come upon him for disobeying his older brother Nephi. 2 Nephi 5:21
  3. God also cursed the Lamanites  (Laman's descendants) causing their skin to turn dark and making them "loathsome" to His people (the Nephites). 2 Nephi 5:22, Alma 3:8
  4. God forbids intermarriage between the Nephites and Lamanites. Those who mix seed with the Lamanites will be cursed by God with "the same cursing". (Their skin will be blackened.) 2 Nephi 5:23, Alma 3:9
  5. God's curse on the Lamanites caused them to become a sinful, polluted, filthy, idle, ferocious, bloodthirsty, and loathsome people, who delighted in murdereing, robbing, and plundering. God cursed them because of what their fathers did.  2 Nephi 5:24Alma 17:14-1526:24Jacob 3:5Enos 1:20, Mosiah 10:12, 25:11
  6. If you don't repent, God will make your skin even darker than that of the Lamanites. Jacob 3:8
  7. The Lamanites "loved murder and would drink the blood of beasts." Jarom 1:6
  8. The Lamanites shaved their heads and ran around naked. Mosiah 10:8, Alma 3:5-643:37, 44:17
  9. God loved the Nephites, but hated the Lamanites "because of the iniquity of the tradition of their fathers." Helaman 15:3-4
  10. God removed his curse from the "good" Lamanites (the ones that "united with the Nephites"), and they "became exceedingly fair, with skins "white like unto the Nephites." 3 Nephi 2:14-16
  11. "The Lamanites ... did teach their children that they should not believe." 4 Nephi 38
  12. The Lamanites (or Native Americans) were once "a delightsome people", but God made them a dark-skinned, "filthy and loathsome people, led about by Satan" because of their unbelief and idolatry. Mormon 5:15-18
I wonder if Mitt Romney loves these action figures as much a I do.

06 April 2012

Bad Friday: Greater evil hath no man than this, that he is willing to kill his own son (for any fucking reason).

The three "great" Abrahamic faiths trace their origin to Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son to God. Jews and Christians believe the story told in Genesis 22, in which God tells Abraham to kill his son, Isaac, for him.
God ... said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and .. and offer him there for a burnt offering. (Genesis 22:1)
(Actually God was wrong about the "only son" thing, because Abraham, at the time, had two sons, not one. Abraham had already abandoned his first son, Ishmael, and his mother, Hagar -- with God's consent and blessing. So I guess Isaac was Abraham's only son, at least as far as he and God were concerned.)

God didn't make Abraham do the evil deed, though, substituting a ram instead at the last minute. But it was Abraham's willingness to do it that impressed God so much. Abraham passed the test because he was was willing to kill his son for God.

For his willingness to do the greatest evil any father could ever do, God blessed Abraham and made him the father of all believers.
Because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son ... I will bless thee ... And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice. Genesis 22:16
Muslims also honor Abraham for his willingness to slaughter his son, but they believe it was a different son. They believe it was Ishmael, not Isaac, that God told Abraham to kill.

Here's the story from the Quran:
When (his son) was old enough to walk with him, (Abraham) said: O my dear son, I have seen in a dream that I must sacrifice thee. So look, what thinkest thou ? He said: O my father! Do that which thou art commanded. Allah willing, thou shalt find me of the steadfast. Quran 37:102
(Notice, though, that the Quran doesn't actually name the son, so maybe a Muslim could believe that Isaac was the intended victim.)

The important thing, though, is this: Abraham was willing to kill his own son for God, and God rewarded him for it.

And then, of course, there's Jesus.

God supposedly tested himself, just like he did Abraham, only this time he went through with it. He killed his own son for some god-awful reason. I guess it was to keep himself from torturing others for stuff they didn't  do or didn't believe. Or something like that.

Believers call it Good Friday.

03 April 2012

Mitt Romney: The Book of Mormon is an attack on all religions

OK, that's not a direct quote.

Here's what Mitt actually said: (see video below)
We are now all Catholics. Those of us who are people of faith recognize this is — an attack on one religion is an attack on all religion.
But if what he said is true, then the Book of Mormon is an attack on all religions.

Take the Catholic church for example.

The Book of Mormon says that the Catholic church is is an abominable church founded by the devil to lead souls to hell. It is more abominable that all other churches (and they are all abominable, too). It is the mother of all abominations, the whore of Babylon, and the mother of harlots. It has taken away the plain and precious parts of the gospel and perverted the ways of the Lord. The wrath of God is poured out upon it, and someday God will force Catholics to get drunk on their own blood. Only those who join the Mormon church in its fight against Catholics will be saved.

Now you probably think that I'm exaggerating a bit. But I'm not. Here are just some of the verses from the Book of Mormon that refer to the Catholic church.
I beheld this great and abominable church; and I saw the devil that he was the founder of it. 1 Nephi 13:6
A great and abominable church, which is most abominable above all other churches; for behold, they have taken away from the gospel of the Lamb many parts which are plain and most precious; and also many covenants of the Lord have they taken away. And all this have they done that they might pervert the right ways of the Lord, that they might blind the eyes and harden the hearts of the children of men. 1 Nephi 13:26-27
After the book hath gone forth through the hands of the great and abominable church, that there are many plain and precious things taken away from the book. 1 Nephi 13:28
The plain and most precious parts of the gospel of the Lamb which have been kept back by that abominable church. 1 Nephi 13:32
That great and abominable church, which was founded by the devil and his children, that he might lead away the souls of men down to hell. 1 Nephi 14:3
That great and abominable church, which is the mother of abominations, whose founder is the devil. 1 Nephi 14:9
The wrath of God was poured out upon that great and abominable church. 1 Nephi 14:15
The wrath of God is poured out upon the mother of harlots, which is the great and abominable church of all the earth, whose founder is the devil. 1 Nephi 14:17
And the blood of that great and abominable church, which is the whore of all the earth, shall turn upon their own heads; for they shall war among themselves, and the sword of their own hands shall fall upon their own heads, and they shall be drunken with their own blood. 1 Nephi 22:13
That great whore, who hath perverted the right ways of the Lord, yea, that great and abominable church, shall tumble to the dust and great shall be the fall of it. 1 Nephi 22:14
They shall repent and fight not against Zion, and do not unite themselves to that great and abominable church, they shall be saved. 2 Nephi 6:12
So if we are all Catholics now, then the Book of Mormon is an attack on us all.
(And don't even get the Book of Mormon started on Jews, non-Mormon Protestants, or unbelievers.)

02 April 2012

Sam Harris on Free Will

If you haven't had time to read the book (it's only 60 pages or so), then you probably won't have time to watch this lecture either.

But you should do one or the other. Your choice.