25 January 2009

All the Fat is the Lord's: What the Bible says about Fat People

First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)
All the fat is the Lord's.-- Leviticus 3:16
Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).
The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness. -- Isaiah 34:6
God likes fat animals, too. He plans to feed people to to them to make them even fatter.
Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth ... And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. -- Ezekiel 39:17-19
God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are skinny and poor.)
The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 13:4
God makes liberals fat, too. (I guess religious liberals should be the fattest of all.)
The liberal soul shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 11:25
If you trust God, he will make you fat. (So if you want to lose weight, don't trust him.)
He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 28:25
Being fat is is sure sign of righteousness. (Wicked people are skinny and hungry.)
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree ... they shall be fat. -- Psalm 92:12-14
How to tell the good from the bad: Good people are fat and get plenty to eat; the wicked are the ones who go hungry.
The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul: but the belly of the wicked shall want.-- Proverbs 13:25
So don't bother with the diet. Trust in God and be good, righteous, diligent, an liberal. And fat.

God - He's just a fat fairy

6 comments:

busterggi said...

Thus America's obesity problem is the lord's will.

I think I'll have some pie.

Bobbertsan said...

Yesssssssssss!!!!!!

Kiss my diet goodbye!

Kamachari said...

So clogged arteries are holy? God bless this heart attack!

I Am said...

And here I thought only phat was good. No wonder Weird Al's "Fat" parody was so popular, even God likes fat.

In any case, it's interesting because these verses show that God didn't know that trying getting fat isn't a good thing. You'd think God would be smart enough to know that, wouldn't you?

larry said...

YOU STUPID PLONKER!

FAT IS THE BEST MACRONUTRIENT & CAN CREATE EVERYTHING THE BODY NEEDS.

GOOGLE:

The Optimal Diet – Fat is the most important macronutrient!

SonyaJean said...

Now I know why I would respond to comments about me gaining weight with, " Yeah I'm just living good!". I fat does do the BODY Good!