20 January 2010

David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines

In 1 Samuel 24, David snuck in and cut off Saul's skirt while he (Saul, that is) was defecating. And Saul didn't even notice.

Yeah, well, that worked out so well for David that he decided to try something like it again. This time, though, he snuck into Saul's camp and stole his sword and water jug while Saul was sleeping.
So David and Abishai came to the people by night: and, behold, Saul lay sleeping within the trench, and his spear stuck in the ground at his bolster: but Abner and the people lay round about him … So David took the spear and the cruse of water from Saul's bolster; and they gat them away, and no man saw it, nor knew it, neither awaked: for they were all asleep; because a deep sleep from the LORD was fallen upon them. 1 Samuel 26.7-12
Not nearly as impressive, I'd say. Especially when you consider that "a deep sleep from the LORD was fallen upon them." That sounds like cheating to me.

But Saul went gaga over it, just like he did for David's last trick. Here's what he said when David waved Saul's sword and water jug in front of him.
I have sinned: return, my son David: for I will no more do thee harm, because my soul was precious in thine eyes this day: behold, I have played the fool, and have erred exceedingly. ... Blessed be thou, my son David: thou shalt both do great things, and also shalt still prevail. 26.21- 25
But David still didn't trust Saul, so he decided to join up with the Philistines. And every day he and his men would go out and slaughter people. The Philistine king would ask him, "Hey David, who'd you slaughter today" and he'd say, "Oh the south of Judah, or the Jerahmeelites, or the Kenites, or the Geshurites, or the Gezrites, or the Amalekites, or the Egyptians."
And David and his men went up, and invaded the Geshurites, and the Gezrites, and the Amalekites ... even unto the land of Egypt. ... And Achish said, Whither have ye made a road to day? And David said, Against the south of Judah, and against the south of the Jerahmeelites, and against the south of the Kenites. 27.8-10
He was a killing machine. Every day he slaughtered thousands of people for the Philistines. And he killed everyone: women, children, babies, the aged, the sick, the poor. Everyone.
And David saved neither man nor woman alive. 27.11
So the Philistine king, Achish, loved David because David killed Israelites along with everybody else.
And Achish believed David, saying, He hath made his people Israel utterly to abhor him; therefore he shall be my servant for ever. 27.12 
(David brags about at least six genocides in 1 Samuel 27.8-10. So I’ll add another 60,000 to the total, 10,000 for each genocide.)


twillight said...

Don't forget that jug wasn't just keeping water. It was a potty! And we all know what Elohim said about toileting in a war-camp. So that was prime evidence against Saul.

On the second part: it seems obvious. The biblegod doesn't care for "my poeple" and "other people". What "he" cares is genocide. Genocide is good. The more you commit the better. That's the message of the Bible.

Amelia said...

How do you come up with God believes Genocide is good. The ten commandments tell you not to kill, it's a sin and God hates anything sinful.

God cares about every single person on this earth. A single soul is worth more than everything in the world combined. "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

I'm just curious, what do you believe happened to all the people in Haiti who passed away? Where are the going to spend eternity?

busterggi said...

Its all part of the mysterious plan Yahweh has.

Steve Wells said...


"How do you come up with God believes Genocide is good."

I don't believe that God believes that genocide is good. I don't believe that God believes anything at all. Imaginary beings have no beliefs; they are atheists.

"I'm just curious, what do you believe happened to all the people in Haiti who passed away?"

Nothing. They died, Amelia. Not a single one survived his or her death. Death is final; that's why life is so precious.

twillight said...

Amelia, there is no ten commandment. Or at least noone know what they are. In the part the Bible would tell "the" ten commandment are actually hundred+ "commandments".

Also you refer to something out of context. Right after the "ten commandment" are parts commanding genocide towards some 6 nations, killing raped women, killing homosexual men etc. etc. etc., and now these stories what Steve writes posts and so on.

About "caring": from what it seems Yahwe cares to murder each and every human by himself. YOU shall not kill - until he commands. If he do not commands, then he do it himself.

Now about the Haiti-earthquake: the biblegod DOESN'T EXIST, never did, never will. Earthquakes are natural things, and Haiti is famous built above a crack, so when you live there you take that risk volunteerly (more or less). Also Haiti is way overpopulated. And because it is overpopulated is poor. (Unfortunatelly things turn overpopulated when you're poor, but that's another question.)
So everything happened on Haiti was predictable, and not surprising at all for me. I even say: if they'd be less, less dead. Also if they'd be less, the more money to spend on more stable houses = even less dead.

About the question of "spending eternity": they are dead. See? Dead. They aren't "spending eternity" anywhere. They are dead. Decomposing. Dead. They are no longer living, so no longer coscious, so they aren't "they" anymore. They are dead.

BUT if you ask me what to do with Haiti, according to the Bible: their soul are in Sheol, where all dead are, except those who go to heavens. And the biblegod cared for them this way: "he" is almighty, so HE is responsible for everything. HE made them poor, HE made them starving, HE made them overpopulated, HE put them above a crack of the Earth, HE started the earthquake, HE MURDERED THEM.
That's how your god cares.

matt311 said...

Wow. I don't think I've ever heard of this story before, even before I left the Church.

David with the Philistines? The fuck? Let's see Handel try and make an oratorio out of that, suckas...

Robert Rand said...

"They are dead. Decomposing. Dead. They are no longer living, so no longer coscious, so they aren't "they" anymore. They are dead."

Isn't that a line from a Monty Python sketch?

He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin choir invisible! This is an ex-Haitian!