05 March 2010

God killed a half million Israelite soldiers

Sometimes God has to kill a half million of his favorite people just to make a point of some kind. I'm not sure what the point was in this case, but that's beside the point, whatever it might have been.

Here's what happened.

There was a war between king Abijah of Judah and Jeroboam of Israel. Abijah had 400,000 "chosen men" and Jeroboam had 800,000 "mighty men of valor."
Abijah set the battle in array with an army of valiant men of war, even four hundred thousand chosen men: Jeroboam also set the battle in array against him with eight hundred thousand chosen men, being mighty men of valour. 2 Chronicles 13.3
Abijah stood on a hilltop and delivered a long, boring speech to all 1.2 million men. (He had a very loud voice.)

Abijah stood up upon mount Zemaraim, which is in mount Ephraim, and said, Hear me, thou Jeroboam, and all Israel; Ought ye not to know that the LORD God of Israel gave the kingdom over Israel to David for ever, even to him and to his sons by a covenant of salt?
And, behold, God himself is with us for our captain, and his priests with sounding trumpets to cry alarm against you. O children of Israel, fight ye not against the LORD God of your fathers; for ye shall not prosper. 13.4-12

When Abijah was done with his speech, Jeroboam's mighty men attacked from behind.
But Jeroboam caused an ambushment to come about behind them: so they were before Judah, and the ambushment was behind them. 13.13
But then the chosen men of Judah cried to God, blew some trumpets, and shouted all at once.
When Judah looked back, behold, the battle was before and behind: and they cried unto the LORD, and the priests sounded with the trumpets. Then the men of Judah gave a shout. 13.14-15a
And then God got involved, killing 500,000 Israelite soldiers.
As the men of Judah shouted … God smote Jeroboam and all Israel before Abijah and Judah. And the children of Israel fled before Judah: and God delivered them into their hand. And Abijah and his people slew them with a great slaughter: so there fell down slain of Israel five hundred thousand chosen men. 13.15b-17
But it was all for a good cause. I'm just not sure what the cause was.

God's next killing: Jeroboam


vp said...

There was a war between king Abijah of Judah and Jeroboam of Israel. Abijah had 400,000 "chosen men" and Jeroboam had 800,000 "mighty men of valor."

Given that the entire population of Israel was less than 400,000 at this time, and that of Judah far smaller still, this is very impressive!

twillight said...

The cause was, according to the Bible, that the people in the Land of Israel went astray (i.e. commited strange worship), so they had to be put to death, according to the Law, as it is explained in Sanhedrin.

busterggi said...

So just how did Jeroboam's men not notice the mighty men of Judah waiting to ambush them?

I mean, they had supposedly all been hanging around listening to speeches together.

Unless the 400,000 mighty men were all hiding behind a tree or something.

skanksta said...

I'd love to know... believers - how do you explain that the ancient Israelites, in about 2000BC witnessed battles twice the size of Stalingrad ? casualties in one day greater than the entire American Civil War ? Fireballs more deadly than nuclear strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki ?

How do you square all these ridiculous numbers ?

He's some facts...

The bible claims that the ancient Israelites of 5,000 years ago(!) maintained an army FIVE TIMES larger than modern Great Britain, the fifth richest nation on earth in 2010, with the fourth highest military spending per GDP and a population of 60million ?!

Isn't this OBVIOUSLY a load of bollocks ?

What do you think when you read this, I just don't understand... ?

skanksta said...

I mean... looking at all these stoopid numbers....

How does a pre-industrial society of 5,000 years ago rival the modern United States - a military power with more power and pre-eminence than the great Empires of Spain, Britain, ancient Persia and Rome combined ?!!

What is your mental block that doesn't proceed to.... what a load of hilarious bollocks ?

Person0123452 said...

@skanksta: It's god's miracles ofc. God loves slaughter, so if he gives the Israelites and their enemies more men, then he has more people to kill. Win for god. Lose for the people he killed of course, but who cares about them, they're going to burn in hell because their leaders sacrificed the wrong thing accidentally.

Abeille said...

You suddenly brought to mind the theory of Alantis being an advanced civilization.
Maybe they were more populated than we are now, with higher tech weapons than we use now... and thats why this strikes us as impossible but are, in fact, very real.
Maybe Alantis is just the name of the Earth back when this ancient civilization ruled it and somehow, over the years, we've renamed it.

Next, we need to prove that the earth is really flat!

skanksta said...

belated thanks.

Matthew Blanchette said...

Wow; Abijah must've been the William Henry Harrison of Israelite kings...

(Harrison had the long inaugural address of any U.S. President; curiously, he also served the shortest term of office, dying one month after his inauguration.)