28 April 2010

David killed Rechab and Baanah, cut off their hands and feet, and hung their bodies over the pool

After Saul’s death, David became king of Judah and Saul’s son, Ishbosheth, king of Israel. Things didn’t go well for poor Ishbosheth, though. First his father and brothers were killed by God. Then his captain, Abner, was killed by David’s captain, Joel. And his army was always fighting a losing battle with David’s. He was about ready to call it quits.
When Saul's son heard that Abner was dead in Hebron, his hands were feeble, and all the Israelites were troubled. 2 Samuel 4.1
After Abner died, Rechab and Baanah became Ishbosheth’s captains.
Saul's son had two men that were captains of bands: the name of the one was Baanah, and the name of the other Rechab. 4.2
One day Rechab and Baanah went to visit Ishbosheth, who was taking a nap at the time.
Rechab and Baanah, went, and came about the heat of the day to the house of Ishbosheth, who lay on a bed at noon. 4.5
They pretended to be picking up some wheat, but they really stopped by to kill him. And they “smote him under the fifth rib” (the preferred place to smite someone in the Bible).
They came thither into the midst of the house, as though they would have fetched wheat; and they smote him under the fifth rib. 4.6
After smiting him, they cut off his head and took it to David.
When they came into the house, he lay on his bed in his bedchamber, and they smote him, and slew him, and beheaded him, and took his head. And they brought the head of Ishbosheth unto David. 4.7-8
They figured David would be pleased, since he and Ishbosheth were enemies. But they were wrong.

David told them about how he killed the Amalekite who killed Saul, even though Saul asked him to since he was mortally wounded. Now he was going to kill them for killing Saul’s son, Ishbosheth.
When one told me, saying, Behold, Saul is dead, thinking to have brought good tidings, I took hold of him, and slew him … How much more, when wicked men have slain a righteous person in his own house upon his bed? 4.10-11
So David had his “young men” kill Rechab and Baanah, cut off their hands and feet, and hang their bodies up over the pool in Hebron.
David commanded his young men, and they slew them, and cut off their hands and their feet, and hanged them up over the pool in Hebron. 4.12
Mutilated bodies hanging over pools make such nice decorations!

(We know that God approved of this killing because God approved of all of David’s killings, with the single exception of the matter of Uriah. See 1 Kings 15.5.)


twillight said...

This is very close to, what you can find at "Girls Eater"...

busterggi said...

That's worse than adding flouride to the water!

Matthew Blanchette said...

Poor Ishbosheth; he's got both the worst lot and the worst name in the Bible...

Also, David? Really? Hanging corpses over the swimming pool is not a turn-on for your lady, despite what "God" might have "told" you.

nazani said...

There's a lot of this sort of this thing in Assyrian art. Dining near heads on pikes, piles of severed hands, etc. It makes me wonder if the Israelites borrowed some of this mayhem to macho up their David legends. Could be part of a psyops ploy to deter others from attacking them.
Ever notice how the Vlad Tepes/Dracula legends incorporate many bits from both David and Christ stories?