22 September 2010

Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day

Don Savage has a great idea: A Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day! (Or actually 41 days -- every day until the election on November 2nd.)

Christine O'Donnell is the Tea Party wacko who won the Republican nomination for a U.S. Senate seat in Delaware. She is famous for three things: getting her loony ass endorsed by Sarah Palin, viciously gay-baiting her straight primary opponent, and opposing masturbation because it makes the baby Jesus cry.

I'm all for masturbating to Christine O'Donnell, HATEFUCK, but why limit it to one day? So I hereby declare every day between now and November 2 — when O'Donnell's nomination costs the GOP a Senate seat — to be Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day. Rub one out for freedom, people!

Still, I think it would be even better to declare a single day for committing adultery (in your heart, so to speak) with Christine O'Donnell. This is something everyone can do by him-or-herself and yet enjoy with millions of others at the same time (with Christine O'D's help, of course).

What do you think? A single day or 41 days? And if a single day, which day would be best?

How about Halloween, since she dabbled in witchcraft? Or October 30, the day of the Rally to Restore Sanity and the March to Keep Fear Alive? I don't know. On the one hand, I wonder if people would be too busy rallying and marching to take care of their O'D business. But on the other hand, it would give those of us who can't attend something else to do.

In any case, whether one day or 41, using one hand or the other, let's all make up our minds to do it together, alone.

9 comments:

Buffy said...

It's a nice idea, but the very thought of Christine O'Donnell would ruin the mood.

not said...

Considering the people that will be offended by such a day (or 41 days), I feel they'd be more offended by an international 'masturbate for christ' day. Rub one out in the name of the LORD?
As for the mood, consider it practice for later in life when you're with your ageing partner.

Markus said...

Is God against a practice that might prolong our lives and make us happier human beings?

http://tiny.cc/9a8r3

1. Reduces sexual tension and stress

2. Releases endomorphins and improves mood

3. Provides cardiovascular benefits in form of muscle tension relief, improved blood flow and calorie burn

4. Improves sexual self-control, endurance and sexual performance

We're supposed to believe that God has a plan for each of us and He is only has our best interests at heart, yet His Word would indicate "not all the time".

Not now, hand, remember you have a headache.

busterggi said...

Of course its even easier because with all her biblebabble there must be clips of her saying "oh, God!". Since she provided a soundtrack...

Bukko Canukko said...

I'd rather wank wile thinking about Sarah Palin, especially with images of the porn movie playing off her image comes to mind. (Not that I've ever seen it, just publicity stills in which the Palin/Hillary/Condi stand-ins had their clothes on. But I can imagine.) O'Diddle has a pretty face, but she's a bit wide in the caboose for my taste in masturbation. Plus, you just KNOW she wouldn't shut up during sex, and would pop off with something SO awkward that you'd have to stop. Palin would be wild in the sack, but you'd have to make yourself go deaf after the act because to lay around in bed and listen to her later, well, one of you all would have to die just to make it stop.

John said...

Buffy and Bukko- You gotta work a woman like O'D in slow. You can't just give her full attention all at once. I mean, start with the basics to get things moving, Robin Meade oughta do it. As your mind creates the movie, let brief glimpses of O'D enter the show. Move along as we all do...Bella Abzug...Madeleine Albright...Susan B. Anthony...Nina Bang...Barbara Boxer(aka Boss)...etc...then just when you are about to grab the tissues for Golda Meir, let Christine play a leading role. By day three you can forget all the others.

Joker_SATX said...

I am all in....

Tiger said...

I'll be in my bunk. ;-)

Catherine said...

Are there going to be any activities for us ladies?