28 June 2014

It's Ramadan, bitches! Sleep all day, party all night.

For those of you who don't know, it's Ramadan -- the month in which Muslims believe the Quran was revealed to Muhammad (pb&jbuh). 

Here's how it's put in the Quran:
The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for mankind, and clear proofs of the guidance, and the Criterion (of right and wrong). And whosoever of you is present, let him fast the month.... 2:185
So Muslims fast every day during the month of Ramadan from dawn to dusk. It's one of the five pillars of Islam.

And what does fasting entail? Here's a list of things that invalidate the fast.
1- Intercourse
2- Masturbation
3- Eating and drinking
4- Anything that is regarded as coming under the same heading as eating and drinking
5- Letting blood by means of cupping and the like
6- Vomiting deliberately
7- Menstruation and nifaas
(For a more extensive see here, where a list of 201 "things which violate the fast" is given. My personal favorite is #34.)

Well, that's clear enough, I guess. No sexual intercourse, masturbating, eating, drinking, bleeding, vomiting, or menstruating. (That's right, ladies, menstruating. Because Allah, like the God of the Bible, hates menstruating women.)

You have to go without all that stuff all day long. What's a person to do?

There's really only one good answer to that: sleep. Sleep as much as you can as long as you can during the day. Fasting is much easier while you're asleep and sleeping all day doesn't invalidate the fast.

That works great if you're a man (unless you have to work, that is), but not so well if you're a woman. Because a woman must spend all day in the kitchen preparing the huge feast (iftar) that breaks each day's fast, as well as shop for the food, clean up after last night's party, and prepare the morning meal (suhoor) that begins the fast the following day.

(There's a huge a competition among Muslim women to produce the most elaborate and extravagant iftar feast. Much more food is produced each night than can possibly be consumed, with the excess thrown away the next day, since leftovers are discouraged. And this goes on for the entire month of Ramadan.)

But for Muslim men there's only one plan for Ramadan: Sleep all day, party all night.

(I'm not making this Ramadan plan up. It is followed by most Muslim males, in so far as work, school, and other activities permit.)

Here's a song that expresses the idea exactly.


26 comments:

Tiny Rajan said...

Who said God hated women with menses in the Bible? He just said they are unclean. He created it in the first place, so hw can He hate it.
N also Jesus came so that we maybe no more under law but under grace. So don't compare Bible and Quran God's.

Steve Wells said...

Oh, so God doesn't hate menstruating women, he's just disgusted by them. Thanks for clearing that up, Tiny!

No said...

There's really only one good answer to that: sleep. Sleep as much as you can as long as you can during the day. Fasting is much easier while you're asleep and sleeping doesn't invalidate the fast.

To be in a coma for Ramadam would also be an interesting option, as long as the medical staff gives you your intravenous when the sun is down.

Belle said...

It's actually fairly civilised to release women from the obligation to fast during periods of presumed disability or bleeding (the nifaas is post partum bleeding). It may not be scientific but you make it sounds as if God commands women to stop bleeding during Ramadhan so I just wanted to correct that impression. Apparently women just have to do the fast later.

Only the men who invented God dislike menstruation but they weren't all anti-woman (though many were, of course).

Stephen said...

2:31 And He taught Adam all the names, then showed them to the angels, saying: Inform Me of the names of these, if ye are truthful.
2:32 They said: Be glorified! We have no knowledge saving that which Thou hast taught us. Lo! Thou, only Thou, art the Knower, the Wise.
2:33 He said: O Adam! Inform them of their names, and when he had informed them of their names, He said: Did I not tell you that I know the secret of the heavens and the earth ? And I know that which ye disclose and which ye hide.
2:34 And when We said unto the angels: Prostrate yourselves before Adam, they fell prostrate, all save Iblis. He demurred through pride, and so became a disbeliever.

-quoted from The Skeptic's Annotated Quran, though I'm sure it makes more sense in the original Arabic. Iblis was the only one with any sense.
Steve Weeks

No said...

the Merciful
It is always interesting to see this title given to a God, Allah in this case, when you think about the billions of people who were/are non muslims past/present, and who are being tortured in hell eternaly by this "Merciful" God of yours as per his prophet.

Read you book, not just the parts that uplifts you, but the parts that you conveniently turn a blind eye to and there are many.

Look at non muslim around you that you enjoy the presence on a daily basis, can't you see what Allah's got in store for them ? Or does it really matter as long as you got your salvation, the rest doesn't really count right ?

Steve Wells said...

Well, Belle, I'm not sure I agree with you there. Allah is completely grossed out by menstruating women; they can't pray or touch a Quran while they're menstruating, for the same reason that they're not allowed to fast during Ramadan. (And it's not because Allah is just being nice.)

No said...

Sleep all day and party all night
... and what can be better, once the believer is full like an egg, then to read a few lines from the book of mormons as Mark Twain suggested, to find deep replenishing sleep when the sun starts to rise ?

Julia - Finding My Way Softly said...

I had a Muslim friend in grade school and a fairly large group of us at least fasted lunch in solidarity. I never knew that we would be breaking God's law by fasting during our periods. Thank goodness I didn't start my period until after Ramadan in 6th grade. ;-)

I am not sure about God, but I certainly wish I didn't have periods. Maybe this is just in solidarity for the curse that makes us unclean, but also provides us the chance to bear sons who will grow up in righteousness and go out and kill the terrible Christians.

Julia
poetrysansonions.blogspot.com

nazani said...

Can women prepare food while on their period? Morbidly curious.

Steve Wells said...

Yes, nazani. Muslim women may prepare food for the nightly Ramadan feasts, as long as she doesn't fast, pray, touch a Quran, or have sex while doing so.

Stephen said...

Steve, I can't believe I actually read the entire page on "The Fiqh of Menstruation". Whoever wrote that (after making it up) must have cotton balls for brains. I feel sorry for those poor women who have to deal with that bullshit.
Steve Weeks

shahsawar mumtaz said...

um...i am a Muslim woman and this is not true, menstruation is a natural thing and we have no control over it you have to stop fasting during your periods, Allah doesn't disapprove of it...we don't touch the Quran,fast or pray during periods,however we can start praying after it,please dont write biased stuff :)

Steve Wells said...

shahsawar mumtaz,

And why can't you fast, pray, or touch a Quran during your periods? Is a woman's prayer of less value when she is menstruating? And if Allah isn't disgusted by menstruating women, why does he forbid them to touch a Quran?

lovebeingamuslimah said...

Yet another ignorant article.

1.) No one I knows sleeps all day during Ramadhaan. Not men or women. Part of the blessing of Ramadhaan is that it helps people who may have sort of gone off the path come back and strengthen the connection with God. So why would most people waste the day away when time can be much better spent gaining good deeds?

As for the night time, I'd hardly call it partying. We break our fast with a date, go pray, come back to eat, and shortly after go for prayers at the masjid where we will pray until about midnight (when it's Ramadhaan in the summer)

2.) It is not encouraged to stuff oneself. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us to fill our stomachs 1/3 with food, 1/3 with water, and 1/3 with air (i.e. have a slightly empty stomach still).

3.) Who the hell told you that leftovers are not encouraged?! My family eats leftovers every morning before we start fasting (unless we're out of leftovers in which case we prepare something else).

4.) Allaah does not hate menstruating women, just as he does not hate those who just had intercourse. There are just rules to when a person can pray/fast/hold the Qur'aan (in the case of sexual impurity, even reciting it).

mark tag said...

My parents are currently performing or getting ready to perform the hajj rituals.
I know that everyone says its very dangerous and risky due to the large, stubborn crowds.
And, my mom did say that every hour or so, the speaker announces a death.
Should I be concerned?
Cheap Umrah packages 2013

Christian said...

I have always found it really strange that Muslim women are excluded from Ramadan. They are not allowed in the last week in temples and surely once a month they menstruate (unless they are to young or to old). Let me guess Islam is the religion of equality or so our Islamic friends like to tell us.

Ryan Jeanes said...

What happend to "Rock all Night, Sleep all day!"

Ryan Jeanes said...

You forgot this one, homie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Za0gWXJW1w

Sabio Lantz said...

If only Ramadan were 24 hours of fasting and lasted several months, Islam may have gone the way of the Shakers.

Cultural Muslim said...

Speaking as an ex-Muslim: I will say that the sleeping all day thing really depends on social status and culture. Poor people, obviously, have to work. Well-to-do people do tend to take it easy during Ramadan. I would not sleep the whole day, but I would get a couple hours in, especially at the end of fast because by then it becomes very difficult to do anything productive. Overeating and being wasteful of food are actually discouraged by Islam but happen anyway (wealthy people act like wealthy people, regardless of their religion). But you are correct about the stress that Ramadan puts on Muslim women. And there is definitely a party atmosphere during the nights of Ramadan in the Muslim world, as anyone who has lived there can tell you. This is especially true in the Gulf Countries.

Brucker said...

Years back, I had a Muslim friend who told me that it's typical for Muslims to gain weight during Ramadan. That's some ironic fasting. Anyway, I got to go to a Ramadan feast at a Pakistani restaurant, and dang, it was a lot of food, no doubt.

Dr. Wisdom said...

STOP SPREADING THE CANARD, MUSLIMS ARE SUPPOSED TO EMULATE THE PROPHET, THE PROPHET DIDN'T SLEEP ALL DAY IN RAMADAN, WHILE IT IS PERMISSIBLE TO SLEEP, IT IS DICOURAGED TO WASTE YOUR DAY ON YOUR BED IN THIS MONTH WHEN GOOD DEEDS HAVE THEIR TEWARDS MULTIPLIED MANY TIMES. IN ANY CASE, EVEN THEORETICALLY IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO SLEEP ALL DAY AS THERE ARE 5 PRAYERS SPREAD ALL THROUGH THE DAY. IF ONE SLEEPS ALL DAY THEN WHO WILL GO AND EARN MONEY TO BRING ALL THOSE FOODS, CONSERVATIVE FAMILIES ALSO MAKE SURE THAT WOMEN DONT GO OUT TO BUY STUFF.SPENDINH TIME ON FOOD IS A CULTURAL EXPRESSION NOTHING TO DO WITH ISLAM GUIDELINES, SOME PEOPLE DO GAIN WEIGHT AND IT IS INDEED AGAINST ISLAM TO SPEND RAMADAN IN GAINING WEIGHT, THERE ARE ALSO OTHERS WHO RUN IN THIS MONTH TO LOOSE WEIGHT, WHICH IS AGAIN NOTHING PRESCRIBED IN ISLAM. MENSTRUATING WOMEN ARE GIVEN EXEMPTION FROM THE ISLAMIC DUTY OF FASTING RATHER THAN CALLING THEM IMPURE, IN THE SAME WAY ANY BLEEDING MAN MAY NOT KEEP FAST OR PARTICIPATE IN RITUAL PRAYER.

Stephen said...

Dr. Wisdom,
You need to pay less attention to your CAPS LOCK key and more to your spelling. It sort of makes it seem like you are SHOUTING. Try to relax, or you may get a bleeding ulcer and be unable to keep fast or participate in ritual prayer. Not that you would be considered "impure", but as a bleeding man...


Back on topic... I followed a couple of Steve's links and found the following. This poor guy gets a woody and creams his pants when he sees a woman if he doesn't get his gaze lowered fast enough. His laundry bills would be terrible if most of those women weren't fully wrapped!

"37715: Emission of madhiy (prostatic fluid) does not invalidate the fast

"I suffer from easily-provoked desire which happens for many reasons, such as when I walk down the street and see a woman, I lower my gaze immediately, but it so happens that something is emitted. Or when I am sitting thoughts come to my mind which I try to put a stop to immediately, but it so happens that something is emitted. This is not something I do deliberately; I cannot help it. Does this invalidate the fast?.
Praise be to Allaah."

Maybe it would be better for him to wear a sanitary pad.
Steve Weeks

Mauricio said...

John 14:6(King James Version)

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

We can't get to know God or His thoughts or His plans without first getting to know Jesus. I doubted God, too, still do sometimes, but I'm learning to just trust in Jesus, because one, makes me feel good :), two, I want to obey my Father's will regardless of what my mind, heart, body, or the worlds tells me to do. It seems to work better that way. He, Lord Jesus Christ, tends to make me want to love Him more and love what He has given me, new life, a family, church, family, job, and everyday life. If you have a question, ask God in the name of Jesus, pray, read His word, He'll answer if you ask the right way, if it's an honest question. Talk to Jesus. And God bless you guys in the name of Jesus.

Stephen said...

Mauricio, what flavor is that Kool-Aid? ;-)

Think about the level of evidence for your fondness for Jesus: "it makes me feel good". There are a lot of things that make me feel good, but I don't know if I'd structure my life around them.

BTW, do you love Jesus enough to follow his advice in Matthew 10 (below)?

10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Steve Weeks