God's 108th Killing: God smote Ahaz with the king of Syria

Ahaz was another king that God didn't like very much. He just wasn't enough like David to suit him.

Ahaz ... did not that which was right in the sight of the LORD, like David his father. 2 Chronicles 28:1

And, it's true, he did seem to lack parenting skills.

Moreover he ... burnt his children in the fire. 2 Chronicles 28:3

But worst of all, he was a compulsive incense burner, burning incense in the high places, and on the hills, and under every green tree in Judea.

He burnt incense in the high places, and on the hills, and under every green tree. 2 Chronicles 28:4

So, of course, God had to put a stop to that.

He did it in the usual way; he delivering him into the hand of another king (this time the king of Syria).

Wherefore the LORD his God delivered him into the hand of the king of Syria; and they smote him. 2 Chronicles 28:5

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The text doesn't say how many of Judah's soldiers died in this smiting. But since in the next verse 120,000 soldiers die in one day, I figure it must have been at least 10,000.

God's 107th Killing: God destroys Amaziah

The first thing we are told about king Amaziah (besides when he began to reign and the name of his parents) is that "did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, but not with a perfect heart."

Amaziah ... did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, but not with a perfect heart. 2 Chronicles 25:1-2

And the first thing that he did was murder the murderers of his father.

Now it came to pass, when the kingdom was established to him, that he slew his servants that had killed the king his father. 2 Chronicles 25:3

Next he killed 10,000 Edomites (children of Seir).

And Amaziah strengthened himself, and led forth his people, and went to the valley of salt, and smote of the children of Seir ten thousand. 2 Chronicles 25:11

And then he rounded up another 10,000 Edomites and pushed them all off a cliff. And "they all were broken in pieces."

And other ten thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock, that they all were broken in pieces. 2 Chronicles 25:12

(Note: So we know that these killings were "right in the sight of the Lord," and, therefore, are God-approved killings.)

But then, after he got back from slaughtering the Edomites, Amaziah began to worship the Edomite gods.

After that Amaziah was come from the slaughter of the Edomites, that he brought the gods of the children of Seir, and set them up to be his gods, and bowed down himself before them, and burned incense unto them. 2 Chronicles 25:14

Which, unlike throwing 10,000 people off a cliff, was not right in God's eyes.

So God sent a prophet to tell Amaziah that God was going to destroy him.

Wherefore the anger of the LORD was kindled against Amaziah, and he sent unto him a prophet, which said unto him ... God hath determined to destroy thee. 2 Chronicles 25:15-16

Next Amaziah had a meeting with king Joash of Israel, who has this to say to Amaziah:

The thistle that was in Lebanon sent to the cedar that was in Lebanon, saying, Give thy daughter to my son to wife: and there passed by a wild beast that was in Lebanon, and trode down the thistle. 2 Chronicles 25:18

Which means nothing at all to me.

But then Joash says something a bit more comprehensible.

Thou sayest, Lo, thou hast smitten the Edomites; and thine heart lifteth thee up to boast: abide now at home; why shouldest thou meddle to thine hurt, that thou shouldest fall, even thou, and Judah with thee? 2 Chronicles 25:19

Which means, I guess, "Back off, big guy."

But Amaziah didn't back off and Joash defeated him ("for it came of God").

But Amaziah would not hear; for it came of God, that he might deliver them into the hand of their enemies, because they sought after the gods of Edom. ... And Judah was put to the worse before Israel. 2 Chronicles 25:20-22

Although Amaziah's army was defeated by Joash's, Amaziah survived the battle. But years later there was a conspiracy against him and he was killed.

Now after the time that Amaziah did turn away from following the LORD they made a conspiracy against him in Jerusalem; and he fled to Lachish: but they sent to Lachish after him, and slew him there. 2 Chronicles 25:27

It's clear that God caused the defeat of Amaziah's army, and, therefore caused the death of many of his soldiers. But did God also cause Amaziah's death? That seems a bit less clear to me.

What do you think?

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I've added the deaths of Amaziah's soldiers to the list of God's killings. Since the Bible doesn't say how many were killed by Joash's army, I'll give it the usual 1000.

I'm not sure what to do about Amaziah, though. It's clear that God was out to get him and that he was eventually assassinated, so I suspect God was involved somehow in his killing. But I couldn't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, so I'll leave him off the list for now.

Did God kill Uzziah?

Uzziah was one of God's favorite kings. He did right in the sight of the Lord just like his father, Amaziah.

Uzziah ... did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Amaziah did. 2 Chronicles 26:3-4

God helped him kill Philistines, Arabians, and Mehunim.

He went forth and warred against the Philistines ... And God helped him against the Philistines, and against the Arabians that dwelt in Gurbaal, and the Mehunims. 2 Chronicles 26:6-7

But one day Uzziah did something really awful. He burned some incense without a license.

He transgressed against the LORD his God, and went into the temple of the LORD to burn incense upon the altar of incense. 2 Chronicles 26:16

Azariah and 80 priests descended upon him and told him that only priest can burn incense.

And Azariah the priest went in after him, and with him fourscore priests of the LORD, that were valiant men ... and said unto him, It appertaineth not unto thee, Uzziah, to burn incense unto the LORD, but to the priests. 2 Chronicles 26:

So God, who saw the whole thing, did what he had to do: he gave Uzziah leprosy. (He was out of small pox at the time.)

"Behold, he was leprous in his forehead ... because the LORD had smitten him. 2 Chronicles 26:20

And Uzziah had leprosy for the rest of his life.

And Uzziah the king was a leper unto the day of his death. 2 Chronicles 26:21

The Bible doesn't say that Uzziah died of leprosy. But since leprosy is often fatal when untreated, it is likely that he did.

So what do you think? We know that God gave Uzziah leprosy. But did he kill him?

All God's Killings: Search the scriptures to find them all

Those who have been following along with me know that I'm nearing the end of God's killings, at least those that I've included on the list. I worry, though, that I've missed some and I'd like to make the list as complete as possible, giving God all the credit or blame that is due, depending on one's point of view.

So I'll be starting another series of posts on God's suspected killings, those killings in which God would be a "person of interest" based upon the evidence provided by the Bible.

And I'd like you all to help me with this. Search the scriptures to uncover the bodies in the Bible and find scriptural evidence for God's guilt or innocence. Then let me know in the comments or by email, so we can start an investigation. Let's not let any of these cases become cold.

I'd especially like help on this from believers (I know you're out there). It's your book and your God. So you should be interested in knowing whom he has killed and why. Once you are convinced that God was responsible for a particular killing, why not explain why the killing was justified in the comments or guest post?

Because when it comes to these cases, we are all believers, with the Bible our only witness and its words infallible (except when it contradicts itelf).

God's 106th Killing: Joash, the princes of Judah, and the Judean army

Here's another one that I missed. It's a bit boring. So boring, in fact, that it's not even covered in the Brick Testament.

It starts with the spirit of God coming on Zechariah, which, of course, makes him condemn everybody else.

And the Spirit of God came upon Zechariah the son of Jehoiada the priest, which stood above the people, and said unto them, Thus saith God, Why transgress ye the commandments of the LORD, that ye cannot prosper? because ye have forsaken the LORD, he hath also forsaken you. 2 Chronicles 24:20

Then the people get pissed off at him, so they stone him (with stones).

And they conspired against him, and stoned him with stones. 2 Chronicles 24:21

As Zechariah died he asked God to avenge his death.

And when he died, he said, The LORD look upon it, and require it. 2 Chronicles 24:22

So God sends "the host of Syria" to Judea to kill its princes.

And it came to pass at the end of the year, that the host of Syria came up against him: and they came to Judah and Jerusalem, and destroyed all the princes of the people from among the people. 2 Chronicles 24:23

And defeat the "very great" Judean army, which the Syrians were able to do with "a small company of men" because the Lord delivered the army of Judah into their hand.

For the army of the Syrians came with a small company of men, and the LORD delivered a very great host into their hand, because they had forsaken the LORD God of their fathers. So they executed judgment against Joash. 2 Chronicles 24:24

In the process, Joash was wounded and then killed in his bed.

When they were departed from him, (for they left him in great diseases,) his own servants conspired against him for the blood of the sons of Jehoiada the priest, and slew him on his bed, and he died 2 Chronicles 24:25

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The Bible doesn't say how many died, but since the Lord delivered "a very great host" into the hand of the Syrians, I'll say 10,000.

ZJ hanging out with some friends

For those of you who don't have Ezekiel 23:20 and Leviticus 26:29 memorized:

For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses. Ezekiel 23:20

And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. Leviticus 26:29

God's 105th Killing: God kills Jehoram's sons

In Elijah's letter to Jehoram, he said that God would smite his children and his wives with a great plague.

Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives. 2 Chronicles 21:14

From that, I expected God to send a disease to kill Jehoram's wives, children, and people. But he sent some Arabians instead.

Moreover the LORD stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians, that were near the Ethiopians: And they came up into Judah, and brake into it, and carried away all the substance that was found in the king's house, and his sons also, and his wives; so that there was never a son left him, save Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons. 2 Chronicles 21:16-17

So I figured the Arabians just enslaved Jehoram's wives and sons (Elijah, God, and the Bible say nothing about the daughters). But then, the next chapter starts with this:

And the inhabitants of Jerusalem made Ahaziah his youngest son king in his stead: for the band of men that came with the Arabians to the camp had slain all the eldest. 2 Chronicles 22:1

Which means that the Arabians didn't just take his sons and wives away; they killed them. And since God was the one who stirred them up in the first place, he deserves credit for killing Jehoram's sons. (The verse doesn't say what happened to the wives, daughters, or the rest of the people of Judah.)

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How many sons were killed by the Arabians? The text doesn't say, so I'll guess 3.

There are some interesting things that I should mention about Jehoram's only surviving son.

1. 2 Chronicles 21:17 calls him Jehoahaz, but 22:1 calls him Ahaziah.

2. 22:2 says, "Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign," which is interesting since his father (Jehoram) died when he was 40 (21:20). So the son was two years older than his father!

God's 104th Killing: God made Jehoram's bowels fall out

Jehoram was not a very nice guy. When he became king he killed all of his brothers along with some Israelite princes.

Now when Jehoram was risen up to the kingdom of his father, he strengthened himself, and slew all his brethren with the sword, and divers also of the princes of Israel. 2 Chronicles 21:4

And then he did something that really pissed off God: he made all the people commit fornication.

Moreover he made high places in the mountains of Judah and caused the inhabitants of Jerusalem to commit fornication. 2 Chronicles 21:11

When the news got to Isaiah, he sent Jehoram a letter telling him he was in big trouble with God. God will smite his children, wives, and all the people of Judah with a great plague.

Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives. 2 Chronicles 21:14

And he will smite Jehoram with a disease of his bowels until his bowels fall out.

And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out. 2 Chronicles 21:15

God first "stirred up" some people to carry away his sons and wives.

the LORD stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians, that were near the Ethiopians: And they came up into Judah, and brake into it, and carried away his sons also, and his wives ... save Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons. 2 Chronicles 21:16-17

And then God smote Jehoram in his bowels with an incurable disease.

And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease. 2 Chronicles 21:18

For two years Jehoram suffered from the disease, until his bowels finally fell out.

And ... after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness: so he died of sore diseases. 2 Chronicles 21:

God is no smarter than Sarah Palin (He writes on his palm, too!)

Remember how Sarah Palin wrote crib notes on her hand at the Tea Party Convention?

Yeah well, she's not the only one. God did it, too!

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands. Isaiah 49:16

And now she's quoting this verse to justify using her palm for a cheat sheet.

Here's what she said at a Ohio Right To Life fundraiser Friday night.

"If what was good enough for God, scribbling on the palm of his hand, it's good enough for me, for us,"

Of course the Right To Life folks loved it. They're all palm writers, too.

God's 103rd Killing: God killed one million Ethiopians

In the killing before last, God killed 500,000 Israelites. That was pretty impressive. But here, in the next chapter, God killed a million Ethiopians.

God got involved in this killing because he liked Asa, the king of Juda, so much. Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord, just like his ancestor David. (See here for some of the good and right things that David did.) He destroyed the temples of other gods and forbade their worship.

And Asa did that which was good and right in the eyes of the LORD his God: For he took away the altars of the strange gods, and the high places, and brake down the images, and cut down the groves. 2 Chronicles 14:2-3

And he drove homosexuals out of the land.

And he took away the sodomites out of the land. 1 Kings 15:12

So when the Ethiopians attacked Judah, you know which side God was on.

There came out against them Zerah the Ethiopian with an host of a thousand thousand. 2 Chronicles 14:9

All Asa had to do was ask.

And Asa cried unto the LORD his God, and said, LORD, it is nothing with thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power: help us, O LORD our God; for we rest on thee, and in thy name we go against this multitude. 2 Chronicles 14:11

And God killed all 1,000,000 Ethiopians, apparently all at once, in a single day.

So the LORD smote the Ethiopians ... they were destroyed before the LORD. 2 Chronicles 14:12-13

It was the largest, single, God-assisted slaughter in the Bible.