12 September 2008

Victoria Jackson: Vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin or God will force you to eat your children

The (batshit crazy) celebrities are starting to line up for John McCain, now that Sarah Palin has joined the ticket. Here, for example, is what Victoria Jackson (former SNL cast member) says on her home page:
Thank you God above for giving us George W. Bush, and for giving us John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Why am I voting for the fantastic McCain/Palin ticket? Simply because my "world view" is based on the belief that The Bible is the inerrant, holy, Word of God....

You see, Obama just isn't Christian enough for Victoria Jackson. Here's her advice for him:
Obama, call me. I'll explain Christianity to you.

Maybe you'll get saved and start loving unborn babies.

Maybe, but probably not, since he looks a lot like the Anti-Christ.
I don't want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti- Christ...
But the part I like best is when she explains Leviticus to us.
I was reading the other day in Leviticus 26:3-13, and Leviticus 26:14-25 and on, where God was warning the Israelites to obey him. In Lev. 26:14-16 it even says, "...if you despise my statutes...I will even appoint terror over you." I couldn't help but see a parallel to our country which was founded on the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob.
See what Obama could learn by calling Ms. Jackson? Terrorists are just God's way of punishing us for not loving him enough. It's all spelled out in Leviticus 26.
But if ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments; And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it. Leviticus 26:14-16

Listen up, America! If you don't elect John McCain and Sarah Palin, God will "appoint terror" over you and feed your children to the terrorists. (And if wasn't for George Bush keeping your sorry ass safe the last 7 years, your eyes would be rotting in their sockets and some Muslim would be chewing on your kid right now.)

But that's not the worst of it. As Victoria notes on her homepage, God's plans in Leviticus 26 go on and on and on. Elect McCain and Palin or:

  1. Ye shall be slain before your enemies. Leviticus 26:17

  2. They that hate you shall reign over you. 26:17

  3. I will punish you seven times more for your sins. 26:18

  4. I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins. 26:21

  5. I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children. 26:22

  6. Then ... I... will punish you yet seven times for your sins. (That makes 24 or so, I've lost count. Ask Victoria.) 26:24

  7. And I will bring a sword upon you. 26:25

  8. I will send the pestilence among you. 26:25

  9. Ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy. 26:25

  10. And when I have broken the staff of your bread, ten women shall bake your bread in one oven, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied. (I'm not sure what this means. But it sounds serious.) 26:26

  11. I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins. (That makes 35, I think.) 26:26

  12. And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. 26:27

So for the sake of your children, elect John McCain and Sarah Palin. Otherwise God will force you to eat them (your chldren, that is, not John and Sarah).

22 comments:

J. John Johnstown said...

I knew I liked Julia Sweeney better for a reason.

Brian_E said...

I'm...dumbstruck. I mean literally, these words a from former SNL bimbo are so dumb that they made me stupider just by reading them.

How do you get through to people this stupid? She actually quotes Leviticus! As a christian! The book that chrisitans have been telling me for years is no longer relevant! I'm gonna have to bookmark this for the next christian that comes along that tells me the OT is no longer relevant.

E. D. Malone said...

What a pathetic bimboid. Another sad instance of letting your Bible do your thinking for you. It must be nice to be so certain about absolutely everything and never have to struggle to squeeze out an original thought or judgment. Makes it easier, I guess, to focus on getting those guest roles on "Law and Order." Truly lamentable.

sconnor said...

Holy crap! I thought for sure this was whacked-out christian parody, but she's a true believer -- she, truly, believes all that crap, she spews. Man, she is bat-shit-crazy.

--S.

Sheldon said...

Oh my fucking god! I can't believe this post! I mean, I believe it, but I can't believe it! I always thought Victoria Jackson was so funny and quirky, and now my stomach churns at the idea that I've been laughing at a crazy woman! It's the same feeling I get when I see that crazy man, Tom Cruise, jumping on Oprah's couch.

I think S.Conner said it best: BAT SHIT CRAZY!

StarCherub said...

She overlooks Leviticus 20:9, which advocates death to children. The woman is insane, sure.

GAD said...

Oh their fucking god! When will this madness end!

1minionsopinion said...

I never watched SNL so I don't actually know who she is. I can tell what she is pretty clearly, though. Considering the book of Leviticus is a set of rules written for a specific group of people at a specific point in time in a specific area of the world, I've never been able to take anyone who quotes from it seriously.

I'll bet, though, that their God really misses the days of sacrificing animals to Him. I wonder how many flocks and fowl gave up their fluffy/feathery lives for these ridiculous demands.

Anon said...

Sconnor, I also thought maybe it was some sort of hoax. When I realized it was the real deal, I just felt a deep sense of pity. If her brain is that messed up, there probably isn't hope for her. Although the information she cites about Barack are very obviously skewed, misquoted, and/or simply false, I think she must honestly believe them. That's sad.

The scary thing is that she has two daughters. I just hope her daughters didn't turn out as brainwashed as she apparently is.

GAD said...

The scary thing is that she has two daughters. I just hope her daughters didn't turn out as brainwashed as she apparently is.

I'd bet she sends them to Jesus Camp.

llewelly said...


Vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin or God will force you to eat your children

As a baby-eating atheist, what do I lose by voting against McCain & Palin?



It seems Victoria Jackson is forever trapped acting out the script of a parody of religion. A script that might have been used on SNL.

ruthie123 said...

Jesus would have hated Victoria Jackson. It's a pity she is too stupid to even realize this.

jc said...

When I first read the comments, I thought "These people are too stupid to realize this is a parody", then I realized it wasn't and my head nearly exploded. My guess is she's trying to be fast tracked for a regular seat on The View.

questionsaboutfaithetc said...

Very interesting blog.

Thanks.

God Almighty Himself said...

So the dumb blond act wasn't an act after all?

Holy mackerel is she stupid.

"I don't want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti- Christ and I'm scared to death that un- educated people will ignorantly vote him into office."

The Anti-Christ? lol

The only place the term is even used in the Bible is in the letters of John, where it is used as a slur against the gnostic sects.

The character she is ignorantly trying to refer to is the 'Beast' of Revelation, which was a nickname used for Nero and a few other Roman Emperors back in the day.

What I'm most looking forward to after Obama is elected, aside from reversing the disastrous Reaganomics of the last eight years, is watching nut jobs like Victoria burn like marshmallows over a campfire inside their apocalyptic bunkers.

RedKnight said...

My sister, Amy, is exactly like her, and would agree with all of her comments. She's been saying similar, and even more outrageous things to me. She knows that I am now a registered Democrat, and that I support Obama.I do hope, and like to think however, that many of the people voting for McCain will do so for good, valid, reasons. Not because they're afraid of God's wrath, or think that christian Republicans should completely dominate the country. I'm telling you, the christian dominionists are just as bad as the muslim islamists.

sherry said...

victoria jackson, you must be very dissapointed to realize that your misleading message full of hate did not really make anyone change their minds about Obama. On the flipside, you just made your former funs realize that you are an idiot. You owe them and apology. the uneducated people are the ones that think and reason like you. How many parts of the world have you travelled? As one blogger said, I hope people will vote for Mcain for other reasons and not because they believe the other one is the devil himself. Personally, I hope you're not an organ donor especially of the brain and heart variety. You know, they don't recondition those things so....you might wanna keep the hate and stupidity to yourself. Tell your daughters I said 'good luck!'

Aaron said...

I stumbled upon Victoria Jackson's website too and I was shock at her nutcase ravings. This women is out of her mind!

As a Christian she should practice the act of love, understanding and forgiveness. But I've never met a Christian who has done this effectively.

Bethany said...

Think about it, she's Victoria Jackson! This is classic SNL. Note the sarcasm. I mean, she doesn't really think that, right? She HAS to be kidding!

BluberryNights said...

**As a Christian she should practice the act of love, understanding and forgiveness. But I've never met a Christian who has done this effectively.**


Yeah OK...

(Luke 19:27), Take my enemies, who would not have me RULE over them, bring them here, and KILL them before me.

There goes your Anti Christ..
Right in front of your faces..
Though they are hoping that you won't notice..

People really need to READ their so called "Good" Book...

http://www.evilbible.com/

BluberryNights said...

**As a Christian she should practice the act of love, understanding and forgiveness. But I've never met a Christian who has done this effectively.**


Yeah OK...

(Luke 19:27), Take my enemies, who would not have me RULE over them, bring them here, and KILL them before me.

There goes your Anti Christ..
Right in front of your faces..
Though they are hoping that you won't notice..

People really need to READ their so called "Good" Book...

http://www.evilbible.com/

BluberryNights said...

I know they like to say that the OT Law just does not count anymore...
However..
That is NOT true AT ALL..

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." Matthew 5:17

"Jesus" IS the OT GOD..

He did not just take the time to give ALL of those Laws and Instructions in the OT..

And then just say POOF!..
They don't count anymore...

OH they count!..

As nutty as they are..They do..

Repulsive!