28 February 2009

Onan spilled it on the ground (so the Lord killed him, too)

And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife... And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground... And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. Genesis 38:7-10


This is one of my favorite Bible stories.

God kills Er for being wicked, and then kills Er's brother, Onan, for ejaculating outside the vagina of his dead brother's wife.

I think you can see what God was thinking here.

But if not, listen to Pastor Steven L. Anderson. He'll explain it all for you.



Here's an excerpt.
Tonight I want to look at this story about what caused God to kill somebody.
I mean, we're talking about a man who did one thing wrong that we know of in the whole Bible. I mean, one thing was mentioned that he did that was amiss, and yet God took it upon himself to personally kill him.
Now ask yourself this question.
How many people in the Bible did God personally kill?
Now that's a good question.

I counted 2,552,452 that God killed directly or indirectly (only included those that the Bible gave exact numbers for) and 25 million or so (with rough estimates when exact numbers are unknown).

But how many people did God kill directly? That, I haven't yet counted.

I guess I better get busy and do that.

God's next killing: God's seven-year, world-wide famine

8 comments:

Ian G. said...

Damn, I was hoping he was talking about the Masters of the Universe. That's the only "He-Man" I know!

Ian G. said...

OK, I've watched the whole thing and it's DEEPLY disturbing. I was raised Catholic and the priests were never like this lunatic, and I really, really hope for the sake of this country that the vast majority of Baptists are reasonable people.

One other thought:

Anyone else notice that in the totalitarian context of Christianity, that Satan is sort of a Leon Trotsky to God's Stalin? I mean, we're never quite told why Satan is so bad, but the commissars like Comrade Anderson here rant about Satan day and night. I guess (like the Soviets) that they're afraid people might try to find the truth themselves. I did, and now I don't believe in God at all.

Star said...

I was also disappointed it was the wrong He-man

As for the story, that guy shrieks the words 'what did he do wrong?' so vehemently I assume he secretly sympathises with Oman, or he's just frustrated about the moral of the story...

I like your blog =)
Come have a look at mine sometime- www.starless-midnight.blogspot.com

Brian_E said...

Precious. I really do love the brick testament illustrations - they bring the stories to life that words just can't accomplish.

Makes me think of this book, Illustrated Stories From The Bible (that they won't tell you in sunday school). When I saw the cover for this book I just had to get it, and I wasn't disappointed. Laughed my ass off!

FrodoSaves said...

God kills Er for being wicked, and then kills Er's brother, Onan, for ejaculating outside the vagina of his dead brother's wife.

I actually choked on some food when I read this. In a good way.

Timothy said...

"He could just have Tamar spit in his face, and be done with it" - Comrade Anderson( I like that, and what with early Christianity in the Bible sounding exactly like Stalin's Russia, look to Peter taking up all the money from the people, and killing those two who decide "Maybe this isn't such a good idea, maybe we'll save something in case this doesn't pan out...", Christianity is a lot like Stalin's communism...)
Taking the context of the time, the whole "spitting in his face" would seem to me that it would have been a very bad thing, something akin to castration today... Yeah, he really had a lot of choice in that matter.

"You think I'm crazy, or something [. . .] HEY, THIS IS THE BIBLE I'M PREACHING" - Comrade Anderson

The Bible does have the tendency to make people sound insane...

You'd think that just because you don't have a child every time semen comes out of you there has to be a child as the product, or you'll never be able to have children again...

Prometheus said...

Every time I see the name Onan I think of the Farside Cartoon with a drawing of a chubby nerdy looking kid wearing a t-shirt with the words "Friends of Onan" on it.

Peter said...

I've seen a few of these "Anderson Tapes" before, and he comes across as an unhinged, narrow-minded bigot, with serious rage and control issues.
In his "chewers of cud, cloven hoof" sermon, he tells of a plane journey he took where the "male queer stewardess" [HUH?] was plying the guy next to him with booze, supposedly to "extort" a big tip.
As he continues the story he refers to the aforementioned male stewardess [SIC] as a "stinking faggot", and shouts, "yes he is, and if you don't like that then you can go to a different church, 'cause at this church we don't mollycoddle to a bunch of QUEERS!" and actually kicks the front pew (pretty hard!) in anger.

He seriously does *not* like gays, although methinks the gentleman... lets just say he reminds me of that Col. Fitts character in American Beauty. Looks a bit like him too, with that military haircut.

Then there's his multiple "innocent victim of police bullies" videos, also on YouTube, where he deliberately tries to provoke cops into over-reacting.
And the one where he holds a book-burning, except the book is the bible (but the heretical New King James version not the god-approved original King James version).
There's more, much more, but suffice to say he manages to piss off more christians than anyone else, as he gives the whole bunch a bad name.
I think somebody needs a hug (but not from me, sorry).

p.s. This blog's great. I emailed a link to a friend in England.