16 January 2010

The LORD said unto David, Go, and smite the Philistines

After David bought Saul's daughter (Michal) with 200 Philistine foreskins, Saul told his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill his new son-in-law.
Saul spake to Jonathan his son, and to all his servants, that they should kill David. 1 Samuel 19:1

But Jonathan "delighted much in David" and talked his dad out of it.
But Jonathan Saul's son delighted much in David … And Jonathan spake good of David unto Saul his father, and said unto him, Let not the king sin against his servant, against David. 19.2-4  
So Saul swears he won't kill David.
Saul hearkened unto the voice of Jonathan: and Saul sware, As the LORD liveth, he shall not be slain. 19.6
Then David went out and slaughters some more Philistines.
David went out, and fought with the Philistines, and slew them with a great slaughter. 19:8
After David returned from the “great slaughter,” the evil spirit from the Lord came upon Saul again, while he sat in his house with his javelin and David played with his hand.
And the evil spirit from the LORD was upon Saul, as he sat in his house with his javelin in his hand: and David played with his hand. 19.9
Saul threw his javelin at David again, but shucks, he missed again!
Saul sought to smite David even to the wall with the javelin: but he slipped away out of Saul's presence, and he smote the javelin into the wall: and David fled, and escaped that night. 19.10
(I guessed that 10,000 Philistines died in this “great slaughter.”) 

3 comments:

matt311 said...

How the hell can you rob a threshing floor? Were the Philistines stealing the chaff of the wheat? That's not a crime; they were probably starving!

What an asshole, this God.

busterggi said...

I hope he didn't smite the ones whose foreskins he had already cut off. I'd consider them already smitten.

Seriously, I expect his priests read goat entrails or some other traditional method to communicate with Yahweh. Much more dependable than tweeting.

Puny Human said...

I was going to say that it was probably more like how George W and Pat Robertson talk to god, then I remembered that King David probably didn't really exist.

word verification: immuse

how immusing