22 May 2013

Bill Maher: Christian Rock Blows Hard (with Bible verses)



New rule: If you're a Christian heavy metal singer, like this clod is, and you're accused of hiring a guy to kill your wife, as this clod was, you have to admit you're really just a regular heavy metal singer.

C'mon dude, read your bible. God says you're not allowed to kill your wife.

Unless she's gay
Their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature ... They which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Romans 1:24-32
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
(In the spirit of the law this would probably apply to lesbians too.)
cheating
And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Leviticus 20:10
a witch
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18
(Exodus 22:19 is listed, but that refers to women that have sex with animals.)
a fortune teller
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27 (Not on Bill Maher's list, but would probably apply to fortune tellers.)
not a virgin
And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire. Leviticus 21:9
If ... the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:20-21
worshiping another god
Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:13
If thou shalt hear say in one of thy cities ... men [or women] ... saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known ... Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:12-15
If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die. Deuteronomy 17:2-5
worshiping no god
Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:13
cursing her dad
Whoso curseth his [or her] father or his mother, his [or her] lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. Proverbs 20:20 (Not highlighted in the SAB. I need to add this one. Thanks Bill!)
For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. Leviticus 20:9
hitting her dad
He [or she] that smiteth his [or her] father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. Exodus 21:15
ignoring a priest
The man [or woman, I suppose] that ... will not hearken unto the priest ... or unto the judge, even that man shall die. Deuteronomy 17:12
approaching a tabernacle
Those to encamp before the tabernacle ... were Moses and Aaron and his sons ... any one else who came near was to be put to death. Numbers 3:38 (Revised Standard Version) [Not on the Maher's list, but probably applies.]
or working on Sunday.
My sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations ... Ye shall keep the sabbath ... every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death. Exodus 31:13-14
Otherwise hands off.

Oh, and Ecclesias [Ecclesiastes] says, "the wind continually blows."
The wind ... whirleth about continually. Ecclesisates 1:6
But not as hard as Christian rock.

6 comments:

yminoh said...

Luv Bill!!!

Christian said...

When I first heard this story I laughed, and hearing Bill giving Christian reasons for killing your wife just makes it better.

I am just glad he got caught before his wife actually got murdered.

Robert said...

How many people still don't understand that the Old Testament was an ancient guide to running a Theocracy not a Democracy???

Do you want to live under a regime like that? You better pray they never get control of our government.

Stephen said...

I like to listen to a "thumper" radio station when there's nothing good on Public Radio. It's almost constantly entertaining... until they start playing the christian rock. It's pretty much either breathy male singers moaning about how their god is a loving god to a backdrop of power chords, or a delicate female singing something like "softly and tenderly Jesus is waiting..."
Then it's back to NPR no matter how boring it is!
Steve Weeks

El said...

This is a great site that honestly trashes the Bible.

I concentrate on the Bible but I also expose the Koran as well.

Robert makes a great point. Mosiac law is as brutal as Sharia law.

@Stephen, I love to troll Christian Chatrooms. I would love to organize a mass trolling of a Christian Chat Room.


You may want to embed this this in one of your articles. It about Jesus wising up and confronting his brutal father.

https://soundcloud.com/cg-brady/jcs-lament-1

Emily Burdett said...

I think I'm in love with this blog and I've only known about it's existence for five minutes.