Here are some suggestions from the world's most perfect book, the Book of Mormon -- the "ultimate blog".
- Write all your posts in 17th century English to make them sound like scripture.
- Begin every fifth sentence or so with a meaningless phrase that hasn't been used in hundreds of years.
- Claim that your posts were inscribed on golden plates that you dug up in your backyard and translated from an ancient, nonexistent language using seer stones while looking into a hat.
- Copy a long series of posts from another (preferably long-dead) author.
- Insult all non-white people by claiming their skin was darkened by God to punish them for being wicked; then tell them that if they repent God will make their skin "white and delightsome" again.
- Create a new religion and then claim that all other religions were founded by the devil.
- Use a thousand words when a few would do as well.
- Tell your readers that every word that you write was personally delivered to you by an angel of the Lord.
I'm sure there's a lot more to learn from the ultimate blog, but hopefully that's enough to get you started.