Ahaziah (of Judah)

It's hard to keep track of Bible characters. They often have the same name, live at the same time, do pretty much the same things (are evil in the sight of the Lord), and have the same fate (God usually kills them). It will drive you nuts if you're not careful.

Take king Ahaziah, for example.

First of all, there were two of them: Ahaziah of Israel and Ahaziah of Judah. They lived at about the same time (9th century BCE), were evil in the sight of the Lord, and they were both (more of less) killed by God.

I've already told you about Ahaziah of Israel. He was the guy that God killed for asking the wrong god if he would die after God burned to death 102 messengers for asking Elijah to come down from his hill so that Ahaziah could ask Elijah to ask God if he was going to die (even though he'd already been told God was going to kill him for asking the wrong god).

But this story is not about him. It's about the other Ahaziah, king Ahaziah of Judah.

There are a couple things to keep in mind about him.

1. Ahaziah of Judah had an alias: Jehoahaz (2 Chronicles 21:17, 25:23).

2. And he is the only person in the Bible (or anywhere else as far as I know) who was older than his own father. Here's how we know that.

Ahaziah of Judah began to reign when he was 42 years old after God killed his father Jehoram (by making his bowels fall out).

Ahaziah the son of Jehoram king of Judah reigned. Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign. 2 Chronicles 22:1-2

And his father's bowels fell out (with a little help from God) when he was 40 years old.

The LORD smote him [Jehoram] in his bowels with an incurable disease. And it came to pass ... his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness ... Thirty and two years old was he when he began to reign, and he reigned in Jerusalem eight years. 2 Chronicles 21:18-20

(2 Kings 8:26 says that Ahaziah was 22 years old when he began to reign, which means that he was both 22 and 42 years old when God made his dad's bowels fall out -- and that's almost as cool as being older than your father.)

Okay, but how did Ahaziah of Judah die?

For that we have to go back to the Jehu chronicles. You remember Jehu, don't you? The guy who madly drove around in his chariot killing people for God? Yeah, well, Ahaziah was on his list.

Jehu's first victim was Ahab's son, Jehoram, the king of Israel. (God wanted him killed since his father, Ahab, didn't kill a captured king.)

But Ahaziah was with Jehoram at the time and was pursued and wounded by Jehu. Ahaziah fled to Megiddo and died there.

When Ahaziah the king of Judah saw this, he fled by the way of the garden house. And Jehu followed after him, and said, Smite him also in the chariot. And they did so ... And he fled to Megiddo, and died there. 2 Kings 9:27

Since I couldn't tell from this story whether or not Ahaziah died from the wound or later from natural causes, I left it off the list of God's killings.

But then I read the story in 2 Chronicles.

And Azariah the son of Jehoram king of Judah went down to see Jehoram the son of Ahab at Jezreel, because he was sick. And the destruction of Ahaziah was of God by coming to Joram [Jehoram]: for when he was come, he went out with Jehoram against Jehu the son of Nimshi, whom the LORD had anointed to cut off the house of Ahab. And it came to pass, that, when Jehu was executing judgment upon the house of Ahab, and found the princes of Judah, and the sons of the brethren of Ahaziah, that ministered to Ahaziah, he slew them. And he sought Ahaziah: and they caught him, (for he was hid in Samaria,) and brought him to Jehu: and when they had slain him, they buried him. 2 Chronicles 22:6-9

According to this story, Jehu killed Ahaziah while he was hiding out in Samaria. "And the destruction of Ahaziah was of God."

So I don't know who to believe. Did Ahaziah die in Meggido or in Samaria?

I'm not sure. But I'm going to stick my neck out here and say that God approved of his killing, however and wherever he might have died. For "the destruction of Ahaziah was of God."

God's next killing: Joash, the princes, and army of Judah

42,000 killed for failing the "Shibboleth" test

After Jephthah finished killing and burning his daughter for God (51) to pay God back for helping him slaughter twenty Ammonite cities (50), he ran into some Ephraimites who were angry about being left out of the Ammonite slaughter.

The men of Ephraim gathered themselves together, and went northward, and said unto Jephthah, Wherefore passedst thou over to fight against the children of Ammon, and didst not call us to go with thee? Judges 12.1a

They were so pissed off about the whole thing that they threatened to burn down Jephthah’s house.

We will burn thine house upon thee with fire. 12.1b

Jephthah claimed that he invited them to join him in the God-assisted slaughter, but they didn’t come.

Jephthah said unto them, I and my people were at great strife with the children of Ammon; and when I called you, ye delivered me not … and the LORD delivered them into my hand. 12.2-3

Clearly, there was only one thing for Jephthah to do: call for a holy civil war.

Then Jephthah gathered together all the men of Gilead, and fought with Ephraim. 12.4a

So that’s what he did, and the men from Gilead defeated the Ephraimites.

And the men of Gilead smote Ephraim. 12.4b

After the battle, Jephthah posted guards at the Jordan River where the fleeing Ephraimites would have to cross.

The Gileadites took the passages of Jordan before the Ephraimites. 12.5a

When an escaping Ephraimite would come to the crossing, the Gileadites would ask him if he was an Ephraimite. If he said, “no”, they’d ask him to say “Shibboleth.” (Ephraimites couldn’t pronounce it correctly. It was like asking George Bush or Sarah Palin to say “nuclear.”)

When those Ephraimites which were escaped said, Let me go over; that the men of Gilead said unto him, Art thou an Ephraimite? If he said, Nay; Then said they unto him, Say now Shibboleth: and he said Sibboleth: for he could not frame to pronounce it right. 12.5b-6a

Then when the Ephraimite mispronounced Shibboleth by saying Sibboleth, they’d kill him.

Then they took him, and slew him at the passages of Jordan. 12.6b

And the Shibboleth test worked like a charm. 42,000 Ephraimites failed the test and were killed trying to cross the Jordan.

And there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand. 12.6c

And they deserved it, too, for not participating in the slaughter of the Ammonites, threatening to burn down Jephthah's house, failing to pronounce "Shibboleth" correctly, or whatever.

(Note: Jephthah is one of the heroes of God in Hebrews 11, so we can be pretty sure that God approved of the whole "Shibboleth" test / holy civil war massacre.)

God's next killing: Samson murders 30 men for their clothes

Jehu killed 42 of Ahaziah's family (and God approved of this killing)

After Jehu killed what remained of Ahab's family in Jezreel, he went to Samaria and met with the family of king Ahaziah of Judah.

And he arose and departed, and came to Samaria. And ... met with the brethren of Ahaziah king of Judah, and said, Who are ye? And they answered, We are the brethren of Ahaziah; and we go down to salute the children of the king and the children of the queen. 2 KIngs 10:12-13

It was a short, productive meeting. Jehu had only one action item: kill all the attendees.

And he said, Take them alive. And they took them alive, and slew them at the pit of the shearing house, even two and forty men; neither left he any of them. 2 KIngs 10:14

That's all that 2 Kings says about it. But the killing is also covered in 2 Chronicles.

The destruction of Ahaziah was of God by coming to Joram: for when he was come, he went out with Jehoram against Jehu the son of Nimshi, whom the LORD had anointed to cut off the house of Ahab. And it came to pass, that, when Jehu was executing judgment upon the house of Ahab, and found the princes of Judah, and the sons of the brethren of Ahaziah, that ministered to Ahaziah, he slew them. And he sought Ahaziah: and they caught him, (for he was hid in Samaria,) and brought him to Jehu: and when they had slain him. 2 Chronicles 22:7-9

So we know that the killing of Ahaziah's 42 relatives was "of God" -- which means that God approved of these killings.
But was it part of Jehu's hit list from God?
I guess God only knows that, and he's not telling.
(I guess even God has the right to remain silent.)

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God's next killing: Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab’s family

42: It's not God's favorite number

(Although it is The Answer to The Ultimate Question Of Life, the Universe and Everything.)

One of my favorite Bible stories for children is the Story of Elisha and the bears.

He [Elisha] went up from there to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. (New Revised Version) 2 Kings 2:23-24

So much action packed into two short verses!

But what's really important here is the moral of the story. What is God trying to teach us here?

Well some things are obvious.

1. Don't make fun of religious leaders (or God might kill you in a particularly gruesome way).

2. Children shouldn't make fun of bald men.

3. God doesn't much like the number 42.

Okay, maybe the third one isn't so obvious. But doesn't it seem strange to have 42 little boys running out of the city screaming "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" all at once? And then to have all 42 of them ripped apart by bears? Two or three, even a half dozen maybe, but not 42.

So maybe the number of boys was inflated a bit. But, still, why make it 42?

Because, you see, God really likes seven (that's why he has seven spirits) and he hates six (666 and all that). So since 7 is perfect and six is evil, 7 times 6 is perfectly evil.

So when the story of Elisha and the bears was made up (well, you didn't really believe it, did you?), 42 was selected for the number of boys. It showed how bad those boys must have been and how much they deserved being torn up by bears.

For other demonstrations of God's hatred of 42 see Judges 12:5-6; 2 Kings 10:14; Revelation 11:2, and 13:5.