The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation

Before the Israelites had even left Egypt, they began to do what they do best: complain.

They complain when they see the Pharaoh's chariots.

When Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD. And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt? Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness. Exodus 14.10-12

They complain when they’re starving to death.

The whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger. Exodus16.2-3

They complain when dying of thirst.

There was no water for the people to drink. Wherefore the people did chide with Moses, and said, Give us water that we may drink. And Moses said unto them, Why chide ye with me? wherefore do ye tempt the LORD? And the people thirsted there for water; and the people murmured against Moses, and said, Wherefore is this that thou hast brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst? Exodus 17.1-3

Before long, God will have to respond to their complaints with several mass murders. But we'll leave that for another time.

Because now it's time for some Holy War.

The Amalekites show up and the fight begins. God controls the whole thing with some remote control magic tricks. Every time Moses holds his hands up, the Amalekites are slaughtered by the Israelites. When he gets tired and lets his arms down, the situation is reversed.

When Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. 17.11

Eventually they had to set some rocks under Moses' arms to make sure that the right people got killed.

But Moses hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands. 17.12

But it all worked out just fine.

Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword. 17.13

It's too bad, though, that the Bible doesn't say how many Amalekites died in this magical holy war, because now I'll just have to guess. Oh heck, let's just call it 1000.

But God was far from done with the Amalekites. In fact, he is fighting with them still and commands us all to kill them wherever and whenever we see them.

The LORD said unto Moses, Write this for a memorial in a book, and rehearse it in the ears of Joshua: for I will utterly put out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven. Exodus 17.14

The LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation. Exodus 17.16

Thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it. Deuteronomy 25:19

So if you happen to see an Amalekite, you know what to do.

God's next killing: Who is on the Lord's side?

Forget Amalek: What the Bible really says about fighting terrorism

Rabbi Gellman has a new article in Newsweek (Remember Amalek: What the Bible says about fighting terrorism). He begins by saying:

The Bible is the greatest collection of books, and I believe it to be the complex but discernable word of God.

Well the Bible is one of the three worst books I've ever read (the others are the Quran and the Book of Mormon). And I sure as hell wouldn't blame its contents on God.

Next he tells us that we must be careful when we interpret the Bible, because the Bible can be used to justify anything. To prove it, he uses the Bible to justify Bush's war on terror.

The key to it all, he says, is Amalek.

In Deut. 25:17-19 we read: “Remember what Amalek did unto thee by the way, when ye were come forth out of Egypt; How he met thee by the way, and smote the hindmost of thee, even all that were feeble behind thee, when thou wast faint and weary; and he feared not God. Therefore it shall be, when the Lord thy God hath given thee rest from all thine enemies round about, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it.”

God didn't like Amalek's tactics: he attacked the Israelites from behind when they were "faint an weary; and he feared not God." Or as Rabbi Gelman puts it:

This meant that his [Amalek's] soldiers could kill women and children, the elderly and the infirm and in so doing avoid engagement with the soldiers at the front. In this way he could produce maximum carnage and maximum terror. The moral problem the Bible addresses is that this is not warfare, it is the slaughter of innocents—it is terrorism.

So Amalek, according to the Rabbi, was a terrorist. And that's why God hated him so much. And we must hate him too, just as much and forever.

Indeed our remembrance of Amalek is combined with a chilling pledge from God that is also unique in the Bible: “The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation” (Exod. 17:16). Our enemies are just our enemies except if our enemy is Amalek. In that case our enemy is also the enemy of God. Amalek thus becomes the symbol of terrorism in every generation. ... Yes, one can disagree and debate how Amalek must be fought, but not that Amalek must be fought.

But Gellman has it exactly backwards here. We might not know for sure who God thinks Amalek is these days (Amalek's descendents, terrorists, Muslims, Republicans, Knicks fans, etc.), but there can be no debate about what we must do to them whenever and wherever we find them. God made that clear in the Rabbi's favorite book.

Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. -- 1 Samuel 15:2-3

Now this was a direct command given by God to King Saul several hundred years after Amalek died. (Saul lost his kingdom because he failed to kill everyone as God commanded.) And, as the rabbi pointed out, the instructions still apply today (see Exod. 17:16). So if you think today's Amalekites are terrorists (as Rabbi Gellman does), then you must kill them all -- the terrorists, their families, and their neighbors -- every man, woman, infant, suckling, ox, sheep, camel, and ass.

According to Rabbi Gellman, the difference between us and Amalek is "that our victims were killed by mistake and Amalek's victims were killed by design." But the Bible God doesn't quite see it that way. We must kill them all -- innocent or guilty, young or old, women, children, babies, even their animals.

Gellman ends by endorsing "the message from our president: victory is the only way."

In my heart and prayers, I thank President Bush for remembering Amalek. ... [T]his is a war against a lover of slaughter.

There is no greater "lover of slaughter" than the God of the Bible. Bush should reject his evil commands to kill innocent people.

It's time to finally forget Amalek.