Happy Jesus-in-Hell Day!

When I was a believer, I was always puzzled by the phrase "He descended into hell" in the Apostles' Creed. It just seemed strange to me. What was a nice guy like Jesus doing in a place like that?

But I guess Jesus did some time in hell; it says so right in the Bible.

He seeing this before spake of the resurrection of Christ, that his soul was not left in hell, neither his flesh did see corruption. Acts 2:31

Luckily he took some really cool pictures.

Here's a black and white photo of a very tall Jesus meeting Adam and Eve as they come out of their demon-mouth house.


And here's one, on Saturday night, after Jesus put on his transparent robe.


Jesus, in a hurry to meet the ladies of hell.


Another photo of Jesus hanging out with Adam and Eve.


The sermon from hell.


And here's Jesus Sunday morning before heading back to the tomb.

Forget Easter: Celebrate Jesus-in-Hell Day instead!

The Harrowing of Hell

Now that Jesus is dead (they killed him in the Philippines earlier today), we can celebrate what happened after he died.

Happy Jesus-in-Hell Day!

Most Christians (well, Protestants, anyway) don't know this, but Jesus went directly to hell after he died.

Really, he did. It says so in the Bible.

He [David] seeing this before spake of the resurrection of Christ, that his soul was not left in hell, neither his flesh did see corruption. Acts 2:31

The above quote is from the speech that Peter gave on the day of Pentecost -- you know, the day that believers spoke in languages they didn't understand and acted like they were drunk.

So it must be true. (If you can't trust a drunken Pentecostal preacher who was also the first pope, whom can you trust?)

There are a couple of other references to Jesus's day in hell by someone who claimed to be Peter, but wasn't. Here's what the forger of 1 Peter said about it.

Christ ... went and preached unto the spirits in prison. 1 Peter 3:19

For this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead. 1 Peter 4:6

So Jesus preached the gospel to the dead people "in prison" -- that is, to the people in hell.

And then there's this from Ephesians (another forgery, this time attributed to Paul).

Christ ... descended first into the lower parts of the earth.  He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things. Ephesians 4:7-9

So Jesus descended "into the lower parts of the earth" -- which, as we all know, is where hell is. 

Of course, Catholics know all this. They are reminded every time they attend mass or say the rosary, because it's right there in The Apostles' Creed.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; he descended into hell....

So get out and celebrate Jesus's descent into hell. 

Here are some pictures that Jesus took during his visit to inspire you.

The first is a black and white photo of a very tall Jesus meeting Adam and Eve as they come out of their demon-mouth house.


Here's one, on Saturday night, after Jesus put on his transparent robe.


And here's Jesus in a hurry to meet the ladies of hell.


Here's Jesus delivering the sermon from hell.


And here he is Sunday morning before heading back to the tomb.

So to hell with Easter. Celebrate Jesus-in-Hell Day instead.

Jesus

You’ve heard this one before: God killed his son in order to stop himself from torturing people forever after they die for something that someone else supposedly did thousands of years before they were born.

The story is known too well already. So I'm not going to waste any time on it here. There are only two things that you need to know.

1. God killed his own son.

He ... spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all. Romans 8:32

2. He had the whole thing planned from the very beginning.

Ye were not redeemed with corruptible things ... But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot: Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world. 1 Peter 1:18-20

It's hard to imagine something worse than a father planning to kill his own son. Except maybe a father killing his son in order to keep himself from torturing billions of others forever.

"He that spared not his own son" shouldn't be trusted by anyone.