Jeroboam's family

The reason for this killing was the same as the last: God disliked Jeroboam (he was the worst person in the world) so he killed his son.

Now he's back for the rest of the family.

I think God may have gotten a bit carried away with this one, though. Remember how he told Jeroboam's wife that he was going to kill everyone in the house of Jeroboam "that pisseth against the wall"?

Behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam   him that pisseth against the wall. 1 Kings 14.10

Well, usually "wall pissers" are taken to be males, but apparently God killed the entire family, including females.

God didn't do the killing himself, though, this time. He had Baasha do it for him. First Baasha killed Jeroboam's son Nadab, who became king of Israel after Jeroboam died. (Nadab was completely evil, too, just like his dad.)

Nadab the son of Jeroboam began to reign over Israel ... And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin wherewith he made Israel to sin … and Baasha smote him ... and reigned in his stead. 15.25-28

Then God had Baasha kill Jeroboam's entire family, wall pissers and non wall pissers, alike. “He smote … any that breathed … according unto the saying of the Lord.”

He smote all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD, which he spake by his servant Ahijah the Shilonite: Because of the sins of Jeroboam which he sinned, and which he made Israel sin, by his provocation wherewith he provoked the LORD God of Israel to anger. 15.29-30

The Bible doesn't say whether or not the bodies of the dead family were treated like shit, as God said they would be.

Behold, I … will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung. 14.10

Or whether God fed their remains to the dogs and the birds, as he said he would.

Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken it. 14.11

But I suppose that's what happened. God wouldn't lie about a thing like that. Would he?

The text doesn't say how many were killed in this killing, so I'll just say 10.

God's next killing: Baasha's family and friends

Jeroboam

After God killed 500,000 of Israelite soldiers, he killed their leader, king Jeroboam.

Neither did Jeroboam recover strength again in the days of Abijah: and the LORD struck him, and he died. 2 Chronicles 13.20

You see, God hated Jeroboam. To God, Jeroboam was the worst person who had ever lived.

Go, tell Jeroboam, Thus saith the LORD .... thou hast ... done evil above all that were before thee. 1 Kings 14.7-9

(Why did God hate Jeroboam so much? Because after he became king he made two golden calves, put them on altars at Bethel and Dan, and led the people in sacrifices to them. See 1 Kings 12.28)

God had already killed Jeroboam's son, and after God killed Jeroboam, he killed the rest of his family.
I'm not sure why. I guess it's all a part of God's family values.

This killing is a bit out of place chronologically. But I've decided to order God's killings according to the order that they occur in the Bible. It's hard to be sure of the correct chronology of mythical events.

God's next killing: a million Ethiopians 

God killed a half million Israelite soldiers

Sometimes God has to kill a half million of his favorite people just to make a point of some kind. I'm not sure what the point was in this case, but that's beside the point, whatever it might have been.

Here's what happened.

There was a war between king Abijah of Judah and Jeroboam of Israel. Abijah had 400,000 "chosen men" and Jeroboam had 800,000 "mighty men of valor."

Abijah set the battle in array with an army of valiant men of war, even four hundred thousand chosen men: Jeroboam also set the battle in array against him with eight hundred thousand chosen men, being mighty men of valour. 2 Chronicles 13.3

Abijah stood on a hilltop and delivered a long, boring speech to all 1.2 million men. (He had a very loud voice.)

Abijah stood up upon mount Zemaraim, which is in mount Ephraim, and said, Hear me, thou Jeroboam, and all Israel; Ought ye not to know that the LORD God of Israel gave the kingdom over Israel to David for ever, even to him and to his sons by a covenant of salt?
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And, behold, God himself is with us for our captain, and his priests with sounding trumpets to cry alarm against you. O children of Israel, fight ye not against the LORD God of your fathers; for ye shall not prosper. 13.4-12

When Abijah was done with his speech, Jeroboam's mighty men attacked from behind.

But Jeroboam caused an ambushment to come about behind them: so they were before Judah, and the ambushment was behind them. 13.13

But then the chosen men of Judah cried to God, blew some trumpets, and shouted all at once.

When Judah looked back, behold, the battle was before and behind: and they cried unto the LORD, and the priests sounded with the trumpets. Then the men of Judah gave a shout. 13.14-15a

And then God got involved, killing 500,000 Israelite soldiers.

As the men of Judah shouted … God smote Jeroboam and all Israel before Abijah and Judah. And the children of Israel fled before Judah: and God delivered them into their hand. And Abijah and his people slew them with a great slaughter: so there fell down slain of Israel five hundred thousand chosen men. 13.15b-17

But it was all for a good cause. I'm just not sure what the cause was.

God's next killing: Jeroboam

Jeroboam's son: God kills another child

The story begins with a sick child, Abijah the son of king Jeroabom.

At that time Abijah the son of Jeroboam fell sick. 1 Kings 14:1

Jeroboam was worried about his son, so he told his wife to go ask the blind prophet Ahijah what will become of him.

And Jeroboam said to his wife, Arise, I pray thee, and disguise thyself ... and get thee to Shiloh: behold, there is Ahijah the prophet, which told me that I should be king over this people ... He shall tell thee what shall become of the child. 1 Kings 14:2-3

(Why did Jeroboam tell his wife to disguise herself? Would it matter much to a blind prophet?)
So she went to Ahijah's house.

And Jeroboam's wife did so, and arose, and went to Shiloh, and came to the house of Ahijah. 1 Kings 14:4a

Before her visit, God came to tell Ahijah that Jeroboam's wife would be coming to visit. God told him what he planned to do.

But Ahijah could not see; for his eyes were set by reason of his age. And the LORD said unto Ahijah, Behold, the wife of Jeroboam cometh to ask a thing of thee for her son; for he is sick: thus and thus shalt thou say unto her: for it shall be, when she cometh in, that she shall feign herself to be another woman.1 Kings 14:4b-5

So when Jeroboam's wife arrived, Ahijah told her he had some bad news.

And it was so, when Ahijah heard the sound of her feet, as she came in at the door, that he said, Come in, thou wife of Jeroboam; why feignest thou thyself to be another? for I am sent to thee with heavy tidings. 1 Kings 14:6

He said that God made Jeroboam king, but that Jeroboam wasn't perfect like God's servant David was. (See here for some of the perfect acts of David.) In fact, Jeroboam had acted worse than anyone who had ever lived up to that time. (God loves to exaggerate!)

Go, tell Jeroboam, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Forasmuch as I exalted thee from among the people, and made thee prince over my people Israel, And rent the kingdom away from the house of David, and gave it thee: and yet thou hast not been as my servant David, who kept my commandments, and who followed me with all his heart, to do that only which was right in mine eyes; But hast done evil above all that were before thee: for thou hast gone and made thee other gods. 1 Kings 14:7-9

So to punish Jeroboam, God would kill all of Jeroboam's sons (or, as God put it, all those "that pisseth against the wall").

Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall ... 1 Kings 14:10a

And dispose of Jeroboam's family as though they were pieces of shit.

... and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone. 1 Kings 14:10b

Then he'll feed whatever is left of them to the dogs, if they lived in the city, or to the birds, if they were country folk.

Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken it. 1 Kings 14:11

And finally, God will kill Jeroboam's sick son. As soon as the mother of the sick boy returns home, her son will die.

Arise thou therefore, get thee to thine own house: and when thy feet enter into the city, the child shall die. 1 Kings 14:12

After hearing the words of God from his prophet Ahijah, Jeroboam's wife returned home. And God killed the sick boy the moment his mother entered his room.

And Jeroboam's wife arose, and departed, and came to Tirzah: and when she came to the threshold of the door, the child died; 1 Kings 14:17

Could anyone love the God of the Bible after reading this story?

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God's next killing: Jeroboam's family