The opposing party is buried alive (along with their families)

Our story begins with Korah and his companions confronting Moses. Here's what they say to him.

Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD? Numbers 16:3

So what do you suppose Moses did when he heard this? Well, he fell on his face, of course. (People are always falling on their faces in the Bible.)

And when Moses heard it, he fell upon his face. Numbers 16:4

And (while still on his face) offers this ingenious plan.

This do; Take you censers, Korah, and all his company; And put fire therein, and put incense in them before the LORD to morrow: and it shall be that the man whom the LORD doth choose, he shall be holy. Numbers 16:6-7

So they're going to have an old-fashioned, incense-swinging, prayer contest, where God picks the winner. How cool is that?

And they took every man his censer, and put fire in them, and laid incense thereon, and stood in the door of the tabernacle of the congregation with Moses and Aaron. Numbers 16:18

But before they start swinging their censers, God in all his glory showed up.

And the glory of the LORD appeared unto all the congregation. Numbers 16:19

So God, Moses, and Aaron call a time out to talk things over.

And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying, Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment. Numbers 16:20-21

Remember how, just a couple killings ago, God threatened to kill everyone for complaining? Yeah, well, he's back at it again. He tells Moses and Aaron to stand back and get the hell out of the way because he's going to kill everybody.

So what do you figure Moses and Aaron do when they hear that? Well, they fell on their faces, of course.

And they fell upon their faces... Numbers 16:22a

And (while still on their faces) try to talk God out of it (again).

...and said, O God, the God of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt thou be wroth with all the congregation? Numbers 16:22b

And it seemed to work again, too, since they came up with a new game plan.

And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the congregation, saying, Get you up from about the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram.
...
So they gat up from the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, on every side: and Dathan and Abiram came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children. And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me
...
If these men die the common death of all men, or if they be visited after the visitation of all men; then the LORD hath not sent me. But if the LORD make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD. Numbers 16:23-30

So God and Moses arrange this test. If Korah and his companions die a normal, natural death, then God didn't send Moses. But if they (and their families) are buried alive, then Moses is God's special friend.

The test proved to everyone that God is Moses' special friend (and that they should get the hell away from him before he buries them alive, too).

And it came to pass ... that the ground clave asunder that was under them: And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up.... They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. Numbers 16:31-34

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God's next killing: 250 burned to death for burning incense

Did Stephen Harper put Jesus in his pocket?

This is too funny.

Stephen Harper (the fundamentalist protestant Canadian prime minister) apparently pocketed a communion host while attended a funeral mass for Romeo LeBlanc. The poor guy probably wound up in line for communion (by mistake) and didn't know what the heck to do with the wafer that the priest gave him. So he stuck it in his pocket when he thought no one was looking.

But someone was looking and videotaped it. Now it's on Youtube for God and everyone to see. (Harper receives the sacred cracker at about the 30 second mark.)

It's not clear to me what happened to the holy host. Did he put it in his pocket to save for later?

Poor Harper was in deep shit once he got in communion line. Catholics think it is sacrilegious for a non-catholic to receive communion. So what's he going to do when the priest hands him a cracker? He can either eat it or pocket it. He's damned either way.

A man gathering sticks on the sabbath day

This one is pretty simple.

A man is caught gathering sticks on the Sabbath day.

While the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. Numbers 15.32

The people ask Moses what to do about it.

They … brought him unto Moses and Aaron … because it was not declared what should be done to him. 15.33-34

God tells Moses that everyone must stone the Sabbath breaker to death.

The LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones. 15.35

So that's what they do.

All the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. 15.36

Immediately after the stoning, God gets down to some more important business -- like instructing the people on how to make fringes on their garments.

The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and bid them that they make them fringes in the borders of their garments throughout their generations, and that they put upon the fringe of the borders a ribband of blue. 15.37-38

You see, God wants us to put fringes on our garments so that when we see the purple fringes we'll say to ourselves, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to follow all of God's laws."

It shall be unto you for a fringe, that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the LORD, and do them. 15.39a

That way, when we see someone working on the Sabbath, we'll remember to stone him or her to death, on the spot, instead of following our own heart.

That ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes. 15.39b

People who follow their hearts seldom stone people to death.

God's next killing: The opposing party is buried alive (along with their families)

The Parable of the Good Gay Guy

Can you imagine a modern-day preacher coming up with a parable about the good gay guy? (Iranian, black man, atheist,etc.) Most people would find that pretty offensive, since it implies that there aren't many good gay people. Why then aren't we also offended by the parable of the good Samaritan?

Here's a video that makes the point better than I ever could.

Ten scouts are killed for their honest report

OK this one requires a bit of explanation.

The story begins in chapter 13 where Moses sends out 12 scouts (one from each of the tribes of Israel) to check out the land of Canaan.

Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan ... And see the land, what it is, and the people that dwelleth therein, whether they be strong or weak, few or many. Numbers 13:17-18

So the twelve spies go and do that.

When they get back, Caleb says

Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it. Numbers 13:30

But the other ten (the Bible doesn't say what Joshua said) disagree.

The land, through which we have gone to search it, is a land that eateth up the inhabitants thereof; and all the people that we saw in it are men of a great stature. And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight. Numbers 13:32-33

So Caleb (and Joshua?) say it would be easy to take over the land of Canaan, while the other ten say it would be hard, since the people that live there are giants. (The scouts were like grasshoppers in comparison to them.)

When the people heard the reports, they believed the giant story and were a bit discouraged. So they decided to elect a new leader and go back to Egypt.

And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night. And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness! ... And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt. Numbers 14:1-4

Joshua and Caleb try to talk them out of it.

And Joshua ... and Caleb ... rent their clothes ... saying, The land, which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land. If the LORD delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey. Numbers 14:6-8

But the people weren't buying it. They didn't want to fight any damned giants. So they decide to stone Joshua and Caleb (with stones).

All the congregation bade stone them with stones. Numbers 14:10

And then God gets involved. He tells Moses that he's sick of their whining, so he's going to kill them all. He'll smite them with the pestilence and then make some better people to replace them. People who wouldn't whine so God damned much.

And the LORD said unto Moses, How long will this people provoke me? ... I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they. Numbers 14:11-12

But Moses talks him out of it. He says the Egyptians will hear about it and say that God couldn't get the people to obey him so he had to kill them all. How would that look to the neighbors?

And Moses said unto the LORD, Then the Egyptians shall hear it ... And they will tell it to the inhabitants of this land ... Because the LORD was not able to bring this people into the land which he sware unto them, therefore he hath slain them in the wilderness. Numbers 14:13-16

So God decided not to kill everyone. Not yet, anyway. But he says that he'll make sure that all their carcasses rot in the wilderness (at least all those that are over 20 years old).

Your carcases shall fall in this wilderness; and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward which have murmured against me ... But as for you, your carcases, they shall fall in this wilderness. And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years ... the LORD have said, I will surely do it unto all this evil congregation, that are gathered together against me: in this wilderness they shall be consumed, and there they shall die. Numbers 14:29-35

And that would have been the end of the story, except that God was still pissed off about those ten scouts, even though they were just doing their jobs ("To spy out the land of Canaan ... And see the land, what it is, and the people that dwelleth therein, whether they be strong or weak, few or many."). So he killed them in a plague.

And the men, which Moses sent to search the land, who returned, and made all the congregation to murmur against him, by bringing up a slander upon the land, Even those men that did bring up the evil report upon the land, died by the plague before the LORD. Numbers 14:36-37

But God isn't quite finished yet. To further punish the Israelites for whining and plotting against Moses, God will send the Amelekites and Canaanites to smite them.

Ye shall fall by the sword: because ye are turned away from the LORD ... Then the Amalekites ... and the Canaanites ... smote them. 14:43-45

(Since the Bible doesn't say how many Israelites were killed by the Amalekites and Canaanites, I'll just add another 100 to God's total -- along with the ten honest spies -- for a total of 110.)

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This killing is highlighted in the Poverty and Justice Bible. Here's how they put it.

Ten of the men sent to explore the land had brought back bad news and had made the people complain against the Lord. So he sent a deadly disease that killed those men, but he let Joshua and Caleb live.

This verse was highlighted because it shows God's justice. If you bring back bad news, God will kill you with a deadly disease.

God's next killing: A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath