18 September 2008

The Bible and Islam agree: God hates mice (That includes you, Mickey!)

You've probably heard the news about Mickey Mouse: He's a soldier of Satan that should be killed on sight. Or so said Sheikh Muhammad Munajid, and he should know. I'll let him tell you about it.

So I couldn't help myself. I had to look in the Quran to see what it had to say about mice.

And do you know what I found? Nothing. Nada. The Quran doesn't mention mice. (Although the Hadith does. See here and here.)

But the Bible does. And it agrees with the Sheikh about them.

First of all mice are unclean to God (so they should be to you, too).

These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse.... Leviticus 11:29

It's true, of course, that many animals are unclean to God. But God is especially disgusted by mice. Here's what he said about them in Isaiah.

For, behold, the LORD will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire. For by fire and by his sword will the LORD plead with all flesh: and the slain of the LORD shall be many. They that sanctify themselves, and purify themselves in the gardens behind one tree in the midst, eating swine's flesh, and the abomination, and the mouse, shall be consumed together, saith the LORD. Isaiah 66:15-17

So mice and pigs are just about the most disgusting things God can think of. And he's got quite an imagination.

You remember the story about the five golden hemorrhoids, don't you? Well the same story includes five golden mice. No kidding.

What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice ... Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice.
...
And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.
...
And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the LORD ... And the golden mice.... 1 Samuel 6:4-18

God told the Philistines to make golden images of his least favorite things: hemorrhoids and mice. You see it was kind of a divine joke. It was really funny to God. (Laugh or he'll give you a disease that will make your bowels fall out.)

Clearly then, God hates mice just as much as Allah, Muhammad, and the Sheikh do.

So you Bible believers should stop laughing at the Muslims and proudly join the Fatwah against Mickey. (Or God may have to give you hemorrhoids in your secret parts.)

11 comments:

Anon said...

Well Reverend Billy, from the Church of Stop Shopping, did call Mickey Mouse the Antichrist.

And so it came to pass that in 1999 the Rev Billy walked into the Disney Store in Times Square, holding up a large plush toy and proclaiming Mickey Mouse to be the Antichrist.

So it doesn't surprise me that the Bible and Hadith take an anti-mouse stance, too. I guess the answer to "What Would Jesus Do?", is stock up on rat poison. Muhammad would apparently chip in, too.

Steve Wells said...

anon, thanks for that. I didn't know about Reverend Billy. He's a funny guy!

Of course he, unlike the Sheik, isn't entirely serous about Mickey Mouse.

E. D. Malone said...

I've read that Islam has a problem with dogs, also. Now, pigs and mice I can kinda see, but dogs? Porky and Mickey, fine, but when they start going after Goofy, that's where I draw the line.

I don't have too many hopes for the human race, that's what helps keep all this in perspective for me.

Steve Wells said...

E. D. Malone, Yeah, Muhammad didn't much like dogs (though there isn't much about them in the Quran). He thought they were dirty and evil (black ones especially) and said that angels refuse to enter a house if there's dog a inside, and that whatever good deeds a person might do are undone by owning a dog. That's why, if I ever get another one, I'm going to name it Muhammad.

busterggi said...

I ask the believers - if god finds mice, shrimp, pigs, dogs, etc to be abominations then why did he make them and call them good?

Anon said...

Steve, glad you liked the Rev. Billy reference (and thanks for the YouTube link, hadn't seen that one). You're right, I don't think he really thinks Mickey Mouse is the antichrist. But this Sheik can't possibly be crazy enough to think Islam law commands people to kill a fictional rodent??

Then again, those Muhammad cartoons did get people all up in arms (but they are no match for the Muhammad dog!).

e. d. malone, I think Goofy's safe: fortunately he could disguise himself well enough that they wouldn't realize he's actually a dog. Pluto on the other hand may soon be dead meat.

In any case, I'm steering clear of Disneyland and the Disney Store in my mall till this thing blows over...

v_quixotic said...

Busterggi said:

"...if god finds mice, shrimp, pigs, dogs, etc to be abominations then why did he make them and call them good?"

And why did he make the pigs and shrimp so tasty too?

Thomas said...

Geez, is there anything god doesn't hate?

Uzza said...

God likes camels. The Koran say this in several places...

...this she-camel of God is a token for you. So leave her alone to graze on God's earth, and do not molest her

Anon said...

I didn't know that, uzza, about camels and Islam. Muhammad apparently thought camels were so good that he said camel pee was a good thing to drink.

If camels are so good, I wonder what Allah thinks of Joe Camel then. Is he better or worse than Mickey Mouse?

radagasst86 said...

Everybody stop eating disney characters!