02 June 2010

Global Warming: It's all a part of God's plan

There aren't many things that God enjoys more than burning people to death.

He burned everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and brimstone, burned Aaron's sons for offering him "strange fire", burned the Israelites for complaining, burned 250 men for burning incense, and burned 102 more for asking Elijah to come down from his hill. Burning people alive is just God's way of having fun.

So no one, certainly not Bible believers, should be wonder about global warming. It's not the CO2; it's God.

And he's just getting started.

Here's what God has planned for the earth.

Howl ye; for the day of the LORD is at hand ... every man's heart shall melt ... their faces shall be as flames. Isaiah 13:6-8
The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken this word ... Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth ... the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. Isaiah 24:3-6
The people shall be as the burnings of lime ... they be burned in the fire. Isaiah 33:12
For it is the day of the LORD's vengeance ... And the streams thereof shall be turned into pitch, and the dust thereof into brimstone, and the land thereof shall become burning pitch. It shall not be quenched night nor day; the smoke thereof shall go up for ever: from generation to generation it shall lie waste; none shall pass through it for ever and ever. Isaiah 34:8-10
Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will kindle a fire ... and it shall devour every green tree ... and every dry tree: the flaming flame shall not be quenched, and all faces from the south to the north shall be burned therein. And all flesh shall see that I the LORD have kindled it. Ezekiel 20:47-48
The day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand ... A fire devoureth before them; and behind them a flame burneth ... yea, and nothing shall escape them. Joel 2:1-3
For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven ... and the day that cometh shall burn them up. Malachi 4:1
The day of the Lord will come ... and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 2 Peter 3:10
And the fourth angel poured out his vial upon the sun; and power was given unto him to scorch men with fire. And men were scorched with great heat, and blasphemed the name of God, which hath power over these plagues: and they repented not to give him glory. Revelation 16:8-9

And no damned scientists ("astrologers, stargazers, and prognosticators" is about as close to "scientists" as the Bible ever gets) will be able to stop God's plan to use global warming to burn everyone to death.

Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee from these things that shall come upon thee ... the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame. Isaiah 47:13-14

So now you know why all true Bible believers fight against the science of global warming. Global warming is caused by God; it's God's plan to burn us all to death, just like it says in the Bible.

Don't let science rob God of his glory!

12 comments:

twillight said...

Global warming, eh?
So that's why around here is so cold noone ever recorded yet...

skanksta said...

OMG !

I could NOT have believed this about the USA before I stumbled on Steve's blog.

Tell me this is fake ? It must be, right ? No kids would play "fun games of being burned alive" ?!

Can't believe I fell for it...

Aaron said...

skanksta... it's the Onion News Network.. it's a parody site! lol :)

http://www.theonion.com

busterggi said...

Aaron- the Onion is a parody site but from what I've seen in Jesus Camp & such there are believers out there who wet cream their pants anticipating non-believers being burned alive.

skanksta said...

Yeah,
I realised as I was writing in outrage, but you DO really have a 'Creation Museum' so...

skanksta said...

June 11th gets ever nearer my American friends....

Where will you be ? Have you all been given the day off work ? Has every pub and tavern been covered in flags and fitted out with huge outdoor screens ?!

I'm not sure you guys are excited enough...

TaoCat said...

It speaks volumes about religion when it's hard to tell over-the-top parody from the real thing.

Matthew Blanchette said...

It certainly is... :-S

By the way, I recently bought The God Delusion at a bookstore, but I haven't read it yet; do any of you folks recommend it? Anybody here ready Mr. Dawkins' work?

Steve Wells said...

Yes, Matthew, I highly recommend the God Delusion. It is a delightful book, as are all of Dawkins' books.

Opus Croakus said...

Read it! It's an important book. Highly recommended!

Matthew Blanchette said...

Thanks, Steve; I'll try to do so while hiding it from my conservative Catholic mother... :-/

skanksta said...

June 11th, Group C, Rustenburg (@ altitude)

BRING IT ON ! ! !