19 March 2012

Luke 17:34 and Pray to be Gay Day

I don't know how I missed this before, but I did.

Luke 17:34, that is.
I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.
 And since Jesus clearly said that only a small minority would be saved,
Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13:23-24
Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Matthew 7:13-14
the best way to improve your chances of being saved, if you are a man, is to go to bed with another man. (50% is better than a virtually zero chance.)

Or to spend you time grinding with other women, if you're a woman, as Jesus said in Luke 17:35.
Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
But what if you're not blessed enough to be gay? It's not too late: Pray to be gay!

There's even a special day and place for it: Pray to be Gay Day at the Reason Rally on March 24th.

Watch Thunderf00t's video for all the details.



29 comments:

Stephen said...

Steve, I'm sending you the bill for a new keyboard. You really *must* remember to put a warning header on your posts so folks don't have their mouths full when they read. ;-)
Steve Weeks

davelinne said...

This is wrong interpretation of the Bible. You interpreted this verses based on what you want and not what God want.

Two men in bed does not mean they are having sex. Those days, when they refer to two men in this circumstances, this means two brothers or relatives or friends living in the same room or house or place.

This is an example of how it would be like on that day. Meaning the fact that not everybody would be raptured because we might be in the same place at the same time and finds the other raptured.

Strait: Narrow
The meaning of strait in those days did not refer to gay"sm". It's nowadays that strait is translated to be gay or something related to that. This was not so in the olden days. Check all dictioneries you could find and read the meaning strait. The original meaning of Strait is "narrow", Sometime Strict, rigid, or righteous. The content of the verse mean; you can not change the word of God, you must abide God's instruction. Unlike wide road, where anything goes, and does not lead to heaven.

Do not interprete Holy Word of God according to what you want to hear or to please some people.

Steve Wells said...

You're (more or less) right, davelinne. Jesus didn't mean it that way, if he said it at all, that is. But you've got to admit it sounds funny. And I love funny-sounding Bible verses. Don't you?

Stephen said...

@davelinne:
"This is wrong interpretation of the Bible. You interpreted this verses based on what you want and not what God want."

You seem to think you know what god wants. Here's a quote from Susan B. Anthony:

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."

I agree with her.

You also seem to have a lot of excuses for why two men would be in bed together... are you a catholic priest? And I suppose "two women shall be grinding together" means they are preparing food, eh? Open your eyes, my friend. There is sin all around you!

BTW, "strait" refers to the jacket you wear. "Straight" means "not homosexual". Hope this helps!
Steve Weeks

Ian said...

This is wrong interpretation of the Bible. You interpreted this verses based on what you want and not what God want.

This is hilarious. All anyone ever does in any religion is pretend that their narrow, selfish interests are what "God" wants. Look at Rick Santorum. He rants and raves about homosexuality and contraception because his church is against that, while completely ignoring all the Catholic teachings about social justice and against war. He's even a creationist despite the Catholic Church accepting evolution as fact.

Stephen said...

Sadly, most of these commenters like our friend davelinne are just "drive-by" posters. What are we supposed to do for laughs?
Steve Weeks

Raz said...

Homosexuals and the pro-homosexual lobby are so funny, got to love them, lol. The arguments they come up with, lol.

jacob said...

just gonna say, this is a completely false interpertation of the bible, and its not even that well hid. The book of luke was written within the century after Jesus' death. at this point in time, there was no "grinding" in our context of the word, plus he omitted a simple word, grain, which goes immediately after grinding in the verse he spouted. along with this, in the hebrew tradition, the entire family lived in basically one large room, ere, they were both in bed. Also in ine NIV translation, which i was using to check the verses. it replaces men with people, probably due to the fact that in hebrew, whenever more that one person is referenced, the male tense is used to describe them. In Romans 1:26-27 "For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due." and this is all without even looking at the old testament books for their insight on the correct judgement of the act of homosexuality

Steve Wells said...

Calm down, Jacob. It's a joke.

Davina said...

this is called blasphemy. id be careful if i were you. Jacob is very wise in correcting you with scripture.

Davina said...

this is called blasphemy, Steve. i suggest you not do it and make jokes out of Gods holy word, or twist what scripture says. the bible states that what you have done is very wrong. Jacob is very wise in correcting you, and using scripture to do so.

Wes said...

Great post OP man, it seems as though you have a fresh perspective on words written, oh 2000 years ago? ha-ha
Props to you for not banning the drive by commentators. I would not have had nearly as much restraint. You decided not to hush them up as they attempt to hush your free thinking up.

Kinsey6 said...

Who cares what an outdated bronze-age book says. It has no relevance to today's society anyway. We have separation of church and state in the US. Our law is the Constitution, not the Bible, which some often mistakenly believe.

asherf said...

Davina: To really take the words of such an awful book and actually want to follow them makes Jacob by no means wise. What IS wise is observing the world. Homosexuality - in other species of animals as well as humans. Christianity? It is in one species only.
The fact you get strung up on this joke and feel that it somehow needs to be 'corrected' but do not have a problem with what some of the Bible says is reflecting badly on you right now.

Raz: This is a joke. In my country, the UK, no one has to come up with anything because we don't follow unreliable texts which lack validity we follow science (which includes observing). You don't have to observe much to realise homosexuality exists in Nature.

travis walton said...

To all those Christians who've responded on this post - I salute you.
And now, let us leave these homosexuals to their own acts and sinful thoughts - I really don't see why we should bother saving them.

Let them delude themselves in their misinterpretations and evil attempts at getting their kicks and having a laugh by mistranslating the Word of God.

Personally, I'm quite happy with the extra space in heaven that they choose to give up.

Thanks very much!

BLCashflow7 said...

Who ever wrote this a a complete idiot or undercover Devil worshiper on a mission to turn the hearts of the simple. I pray you get what GOD wants you to have for wasting your time being funny when people are looking for help and answers. Get'em LORD

Raz said...

asherf, you do not even provide any kind of argument in response to my post. A dogmatic statement on the reliability of the text, without any evidence. The statement that there is homosexuality in nature,so what ? There are many kinds of perverted things in nature. Animals have sex within their own family, eat them sometimes, have sex with other species, etc. Entertaining stuff, lol.

Hizzlebomb said...

Wow... It's amazing to see how angry people can become over something like this.

I'm a God fearing Christian and I found this interpretation of the verses funnny! Of COURSE that's not the way they're supposed to be interpreted, but I thought it was entertaining to read. OP(Steve) obviously has a sense of humor, and I for one, believe that God isn't austere 100% of the time. I think He has a sense of humor and I think He would chuckle to see this interpretation of His book :)

To those Christians who post here condemning everyone, you should be ashamed of yourselves... If I weren't feeling lazy, I would quote you a scripture about beams and motes... Just because someone believes differently than you doesn't mean you should condemn them. I happen to believe that homosexuality is a sin also, but that doesn't mean I go around telling gays that they are damned... What good does that do anyone? Jesus said, "Love one another". Are you saying those things because you love these people? Or because you love yourself? Consider it.

To asherf, Raz is right, there are plenty of ugly things done in nature that aren't ok, like incest, animals being eaten alive, etc. If I'm not mistaken, Black Widow females often eat their male counterparts after mating, which is why they are called black widows. So by your argument, it's ok for all females to be cannibals of their children's fathers? Hmmmm... Also, what would happen if our entire species turned homosexual? If you truly believe in science and evolution, you must also believe that a species would never knowingly engage in a behavior that would be detrimental to itself? And yet, if our entire species became homosexual, we would become extinct in a single generation. Just something to think about.

Personally I don't condemn gays, or anyone for that matter. I think everyone should be loved for who they are. That doesn't mean that people can't or shouldn't change, but I don't think hate is something God would condone among His children.

TLDR; everyone stop hating on each other ;)

Roger said...

Wow, how foolish to intentionally misinterpret God's Holy word like this.

I am very supportive of all the Christian responses to this subject. Especially Davelinne's comment (2nd from top) she explains things well.

Except:
Hizzlebomb.. you say you are a Christian but i really don't think you understand how much God hates homosexuality- i really don't think He would find this funny.
Yes God has an amazing sense of humour like you wouldn't believe; but what God says about homosexuality is this:
Leviticus 20:13
"If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense."

God considers homosexuality worthy of death. So it's a very serious subject and no laughing matter.

The most important and relevant thing here is that God makes it very clear in the Bible that He loves EVERYONE and EVERYONE is a sinner (especially me).

At the end of today, irrelevant of our past and wrong doings, it's up to us to decide the next place we want to be when our time's up on this earth. And it's a choice we all have to make ourselves. The Bible says we all have two options.

Option A: Believe and love God and accept His gift of forgiveness and you will receive everlasting life in heaven (far more perfect and amazing then imaginable- earthly words cannot describe how good heaven is)

Option B: Don't love God and He will hand you over to Satan. In case you don't know, Satan lives in Hell. Hell is a long lasting place of suffering, pain, torment, lot's of fire and is a terrible place that earthly words cannot describe.
The only up-side to Hell is that it will be destroyed by Jesus Christ.. one day.

And yet some people seem to think that there is an 'in-between' option: and that option is 6ft under, full stop. But the fact is that God has not included that option in the Bible as an eternal option-
6ft under is only where our dead earthly body's go. Our spirit and soul goes to Option A or Option B. Once you are there, you can't change your decision.

Personally I like the sound of Option A the best.

I pray God would Bless ya whether you agree with God or not.

Jason L. said...

I always found it kind of odd that so many Christians (especially Catholics) insist on making homophobic remarks towards homosexuals. Doesn't this constitute "throwing stones"? We all know what Jesus had to say about "throwing stones." But Catholics follow the teachings of the Catechisms, right? Now pay attention to the part in bold:

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,141 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."142 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

Wolfe Tundra said...

Roger, don't forget that God also said do not wear clothing woven from two different kinds of thread (Leviticus 19:19), do not shave your sideburns or trim your beard (Leviticus 19:27), any person who curses their parent shall be put to death (Leviticus 20:9), if a man cheats on his wife, or vise versa, both the man and the woman must die (Leviticus 20:10), psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death (Leviticus 20:27) and people who have flat noses, or is blind or lame, cannot go to an altar of God (Leviticus 21:17-18). Oh, and for kickers, God also said all non-believers are to be killed (Deuteronomy 13:5/6/12 and 172). Get your rifle folks! It's [non-believer] hunting season!

If you're going to follow part of a Bible (God says all gays should be killed) then follow all of it and kill yourself for cutting your hair.

Roger said...

Wolfe, yes I have not forgotten what God says in Leviticus. (although some of what you said is not entirely accurate and you and I don't completely understand some of what God is referring to. And you and I don't entirely understand the culture of the Israelite's who God is talking to at the time this book was written)

By no means at all is Leviticus or Deuteronomy asking anyone to kill anyone in today's society- The laws in Leviticus and Deuteronomy is old covenant. We live in the new covenant. What’s the difference? Well the laws are still the same. The punishment is still the same. They are everlasting laws, as is written in both the new and old testament. The difference between the old and new covenant is way God carries out the punishment. He did the dirty work for us when Jesus took the punishment of everyone’s sin on the cross, so we don’t have to take matters into our own hands and kill someone ourselves because God says to. That’s not the way God wants our society to work.

God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for everyone, but God also offers everyone a deal: Believe in His Son Jesus, be thankful for what He did for you on the cross and ask Jesus to be the Saviour of your life, and He will take away the punishment you deserve.

Jesus took our place so that if we have Jesus in our heart when we are judged, God sees only Jesus' perfection in our heart, and not our own wicked ways; thus accepts us into heaven…

This can be all challenging for us to understand.
And I certainly know I don't have the ability to understand most of God's ways.

But.. It would be beyond crazy to choose this world over perfect eternity!

Message to all non-Christians:
I promise with all my heart- God is real!
And if your time on earth comes to an end and I am wrong- We both gain nothing.
BUT if your time on earth comes to an end and God is real- You loose everything.

USMCPatriot said...

Roger,

If you "don't completely understand some of what God is referring to" then "he" didn't do a very good job of writing a clear set of "instructions" - since that's what you obviously think the Bible is. That makes god an incompetent author.

You point out that "Leviticus or Deuteronomy (aren't) asking anyone to kill anyone in today's society" because they are the "old covenant." Okay, ask yourself this - would you have thought it proper to obey the direction to kill others for mixing threads or crops - or for homosexuality - if you had lived in the time of Moses? Was it EVER good or moral to do these things? (and please don't rationalize that whatever god says is moral)

As usual, I'm confused by the idea that "god sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for everyone" for two reasons. One, do you believe Jesus IS dead? Because he would have to be to fulfill your statement. Temporary death doesn't count, because "he" didn't give up anything, did he, if Jesus isn't DEAD with a capital "D"? (unlike Wesley in the Princess Bride, who was only "mostly dead") And that whole "only begotten son" thing is another issue - you believe "he" can and did create the entire UNIVERSE... but can't manage to have another kid? Really? Second, why the need to "send someone to die in our place"? Would you need to watch your own child sacrificed in order for YOU to forgive the transgression of a friend... or would you simply forgive him? Apply a little logic, and try not to use canned non-answers such as "we can't know the mind of god."

You closed with a weak rendition of Pascal's Wager, but you have obviously never thought it through. One, you would have to believe in every god and religion to make it work (after all, what if YOU are wrong, and the Muslims, Hindus, etc are right?), and if you feign belief (which is the essence of the Wager) would not an omniscient god know you were faking?

Then you state, "It would be beyond crazy to choose this world over perfect eternity!" Really? Think about how long eternity is(hint: it never ends). Now explain to us what happens in a "perfect eternity." Do you have a body as some believe, or do you float around, disembodied, forever? Are there endless first run movies? (who would make them?) Is there golf? (in a perfect eternity, would every shot be a hole in one?) Is there sex? (with whom?) Do you think you would be BORED? As Susan Ertz once wrote, "Million yearn for eternity, who can't decide what to do on a rainy afternoon." The reality, Roger, is your desire for "perfect eternity" is simply a way to mitigate your natural fear of death... just as the Egyptians did when they placed mummies in pyramids enroute (or so they believed) to the "afterlife." Do you think they ever got there? How about the Greeks? They put coins on the eyes of their dead to pay the ferryman when they crossed into the netherworld. Were they wasting their time? Of course. So what makes you think YOUR fairy tale is any different? It's not.

Message to all Christians:
I promise with all my BRAIN (we don't think with our hearts, now do we?) - God is NOT real! Now stop wasting time on pie-in-the-sky superstition, and get busy living the only life you will ever have.

Jamin Sim said...

"Ha ha, the bible sounds so funny in modern context."

1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness"...

You guys are all pretending to be smart saying that we can't know what "God" really wants, or that he doesn't exist. If you think this is all a joke, you're all fools. If you want to prove us Christians wrong, first you have to understand what the bible says, not just see what it says.

The bible does say that all acts of homosexuality should not go unpunished, but everybody sins. That's why Jesus came to die for us. He died as a replacement for us so that we don't have to go to hell, unless we just completely ignore his sacrifice. Jesus forgave and forgives all sins. Accept his forgiveness by turning from your evil ways. He will give you a second chance. If you don't, there will be punishment. No doubt about it.

We will pray for you.

USMCPatriot said...

Jamim,

When will Christians learn that the silliest thing you can do is make an argument which relies upon a Bible verse? Who cares what it says in Corinthians? (for perspective, how would you respond to someone quoting the Quran?)

Saying, "If you want to prove us Christians wrong, first you have to understand what the bible says, not just see what it says." As usual, YOU have "interpreted" it correctly... right?

Then you use another tired theist tactic with your Appeal to Fear when you say, "If you don't, there will be punishment." That rings hollow when you are threatening people who don't believe in hell!

Then you add, "No doubt about it." Really? If that was true, this conversation would not be taking place, would it? Just because you believe something doesn't make it true. Just ask any Muslim... Hindu... victim of alien abduction... or Elvis-sighter.

Roger said...

Good on ya Jamim Sim, bless ya bro.. keep it up!

Wow USMCPatriat, you are so blind to see what God is doing in your life. All your arguments have a self centered reference point.

Haha, you said ‘I promise with all my brain’.. that’s original! You can’t believe in something you can’t see with your brain**! You need something deeper, like a gut feeling, which is where the term ‘with all my heart’ comes from. Like Jamim said, this is no joke.

(**unless someone else you know well sees it and they are so sure it is real, which I believe is why many people believe in God, even though they may not ever see God in real while living on earth. John 20:19 says ‘Then Jesus told his disciple, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”’)

If you are depending on your earthly brain to live this life on earth, then that is all you will live (and you would live in hell too of course). If you are happy with that- then good on ya. But no way am I settling for second best when God says He has so much more in-store for me.

I'm not going to waste any more time picking apart all the reasons for why you don't think God is real.

I’m not here to argue. I’m here to proclaim God’s good news- Jesus is Alive! Hallelujah!

I can't express this enough- God loves you! You can't imagine what God has in-store for you if you don’t allow yourself to move towards God.

It’s only by God’s actions that you exsist.
It’s only be Jesus’ actions that you can be saved.
It’s only by your actions that you can believe, accept his forgiveness and strive to live according to God’s plan.

God is calling you, now and always, to take up His challenge, and follow Him.
At times you may let yourself down. But God won’t let you down.

Charlotte P said...

I feel like many of you are missing the point here. This is not serious. This is not about whether it is right or wrong to be homosexual. This is not even about how homosexuality is portrayed in the bible. Rather, this appears to be a commentary on how the bible can be used to support any opinion, depending on your interpretation. Of course this isn't how the bible was meant to be interpreted, but what it seems to be trying to say is that everyone will interpret things differently, and using bible verses to back up your arguments is extremely flimsy. Although that's just my interpretation of something that clearly can also be interpreted many different ways.

El_salluz said...

...aaaaaaaaand Charlotte P brought closure to this blog.

Rachel Badia said...

It's really a funny article. LOL. Actually, I'm just helping a friend for learning more about homosexuality in bible. He is Christian. Well, life is so short. Be happy!