03 February 2014

Apparently God has changed his mind about the Seahawks

I guess it shouldn't surprise us anymore. God has changed his mind about lots of things.

In the 19th century, he changed his mind about slavery; in the 20th century, he changed his mind about women's rights; in the 21st century, he seems to be changing his mind (or perhaps "evolving") on the topic of homosexuality. And now, in 2014, he has changed his mind about the Seahawks.

It's hard to make predictions with such a changeable god.

As I pointed out in my failed Super Bowl prophecy, God hates the Seahawks. Or at least he did when he said these words:

And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls ... they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray. Leviticus 11:13. ("Ospray" in the KJV refers to the osprey or "Sea Hawk.")

And yet the Seahawks won the Super Bowl 43:8.

How could this happen?

The answer lies (somehow) in Isaiah 43:8.

Bring forth the blind people that have eyes, and the deaf that have ears.

Sometimes you have to look at a verse just right, while cocking your head just so, until it's meaning becomes clear. And when you do that with this verse while applying it to yesterday's Super Bowl Game, you get Seahawks 43, Broncos 8 (with the chapter and verse number corresponding to the score, and the book to Isaiah Kacyvenski, a former linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks).

For as Jesus supposedly said to someone, "Blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear."

Or something like that.

9 Feb 14 update: As Roland points out in the comments, the Seahawks have a deaf fullback on their team named Derek Coleman, which perfectly completes this amazing post-hoc Bible prophecy. The Bible predicted the exact score of this year's Super Bowl! It just goes to show that the Bible never fails to predict every event. You just have to have the proper faith and look hard enough after the event occurs for the hidden message buried beneath the much more obvious absurdities and contradictions.


Christian said...

Perfect, absolutely brilliant. This is how I imagine a lot of Christians interpret their Bible with a head tilt, a shot of absinthe and a lot of creativity. :)

Stephen said...

It may be more than a "tilt" that's needed for some of the stuff in the bible!
Steve Weeks

TheEngineer said...

Wait, the EAGLE is an abomination? God hates the beautiful bird that represents our nation?
Why God? Why do you hate America?

Stephen said...

Remember that god hates lots of things: fags, flags, figs... there'e an almost endless list!
Steve Weeks

Stephen said...

"...there's an almost endless list!"
D'oh! proof-reading FAIL!
Steve Weeks

TheEngineer said...

You're right Stephen. It is a long list.

Looks like Congress adopted the Eagle as our symbol in 1782 (http://www.baldeagleinfo.com/eagle/eagle9.html) which is clearly AFTER God let the world know how he felt about eagles.

I wonder what fundies say about our supposed christian founding fathers adopting an abomination as our national symbol

Roland said...

Don't forget, the Seahawks have a deaf fullback. "and the deaf that have ears"... Indeed! ;-)

Steve Wells said...

Thanks Roland! I didn't know about Derek Coleman, the Seahawks' deaf fullback. Now the Bible's prophecy makes perfect sense! Glory!