01 February 2014

Biblical Super Bowl Prophecy: Broncos 21, Seahawks 17

There's an interesting Christian Post article entitled Fifteen Bible Verses that suggest the Denver Broncos will win the Super Bowl.

And the article is right about that: the Bible predicts that the Broncos will win. But does it also predict the score? I think it does, and here's how.

The outcome of the game is fairly obvious, since the Bible tells us how God feels about broncos and seahawks. And on that there is simply no contest. God hates seahawks and loves broncos.

How do we know that God hates seahawks? Well "seahawk" is one of the nicknames for the osprey (Pandion haliaetus). And here's what God said about the osprey ("ospray" in the King James Version):

And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls ... they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray. Leviticus 11:13.

Okay, but how about broncos? Well, the Bible doesn't use the word "bronco" but it does talk about horses. And in the Bible, God seems to like them. Here's what he says about them in the Book of Job.

Hast thou given the horse strength? hast thou clothed his neck with thunder? Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? the glory of his nostrils is terrible ... He mocketh at fear, and is not affrighted. Job 39:18-22

So the Bible says that broncos are strong, brave, glorious, and fearless; ospreys are abominations. So it seems there's really no need to play tomorrow's game. The Broncos will win, if God has anything to say about it. (And God has something to say about every football game.)

Okay, so the Bible predicts a Bronco win. But by how much?

Well, that's easy. We just count up the number of verses that favor each team.

Here are the verses that favor the Seahawks.

  1. Dan [Tony McDaniel] shall be a serpent ... that biteth the horse heels. Genesis 49:17

  2. When thou goest out to battle ... and seest horses ... be not afraid of them. Deuteronomy 20:1

  3. Be not afraid because of them ... thou shalt hough their horses. Joshua 11:6, 9

  4. They arose and fled in the twilight, and left ... their horses ... and fled for their life. 2 Kings 7:7

  5. Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle. Psalm 32:9

  6. An horse is a vain thing for safety: neither shall he deliver any by his great strength. Psalm 33:17
    (Is this verse referring to Rahim Moore, the Bronco's safety?)

  7. He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man. Psalm 147:10

  8. A whip for the horse. Proverbs 26:3
    [The Broncos will get whipped?]

  9. Their horses ... shall become as women. Jeremiah 50:37

  10. They are cruel, and will not shew mercy: their voice shall roar like the sea, and they shall ride upon horses. Jeremiah 6:23, 50:42
    [The roaring sea-like voice refers to Seattle's 12th man, and the Seahawks will ride the Broncos as though they were horses.]

  11. With thee will I break in pieces the horse. Jeremiah 51:21

  12. I ... have taken away your horses; and I have made the stink of your camps to come up unto your nostrils. Amos 4:10

  13. Shall horses run upon the rock? Amos 6:12
    [An obvious reference to Bobby Wagner, the rock of the Seahawks' defense.]

  14. And it shall come to pass in that day, saith the LORD, that I will cut off thy horses. Micah 5:10
    [When the Broncos come to pass, the Legion of Boom will cut it off.]

  15. In that day, saith the LORD, I will smite every horse with astonishment ... and will smite every horse .. with blindness. Zechariah 12:4

  16. And he answered, saying, My name is Legion [of Boom]: for we are many. Mark 5:9, Luke 8:30

  17. These ... shall give their power and strength unto the beast. Revelation 17:13

And here are the verses that favor the Broncos.

  1. Behold, there appeared ... horses of fire. 2 Kings 2:11

  2. The LORD had made ... a noise of horses, even the noise of a great host. 2 Kings 7:6
  3. The horse is prepared against the day of battle. Proverbs 21:31

  4. Their horses' hoofs shall be counted like flint. Isaiah 5:28

  5. That led them ... as an horse in the wilderness, that they should not stumble. Isaiah 63:13

  6. His horses are swifter than eagles [or Seahawks]. Woe unto us! for we are spoiled. Jeremiah 4:13

  7. The snorting of his horses was heard ... the whole land trembled at the sound of the neighing of his strong ones. Jeremiah 8:16

  8. How canst thou contend with horses? Jeremiah 12:5

  9. Harness the horses ... and stand forth with your helmets. Jeremiah 46:4

  10. Come up, ye horses; and rage ... let the mighty men come forth. Jeremiah 46:9

  11. At the noise of the stamping of the hoofs of his strong horses.... Jeremiah 47:3

  12. The horses to come up as the rough caterpillars. Jeremiah 51:27

  13. No ... foot of beast shall pass through it. Ezekiel 29:11
    [The Bronco defense will stop the Beast (Marshawn Lynch).]

  14. Their horses also are swifter than the leopards, and are more fierce than the evening wolves. Habakkuk 1:8

  15. Thou didst walk through the sea[hawks] with thine horses. Habakkuk 3:15

  16. The LORD of hosts ... hath made them as his goodly horse in the battle. Zechariah 10:3

  17. And I saw, and behold a white horse ... and he went forth conquering, and to conquer. Revelation 6:2

  18. The heads of the horses were as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone. Revelation 9:17

  19. And I saw ... them that had gotten the victory over the beast. Revelation 15:2
    [The Broncos will get victory over the beast (Marshawn Lynch) and the Seahawks.]

  20. And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse. Revelation 19:1

  21. The armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses. Revelation 19:14

So the final score will be: Broncos 21, Seahawks 17.


Stephen said...

O, Man... if thy prophesy cometh to pass, thou hast some explaining to do!
Steve Weeks

Unknown said...

What about this post by the same author that says the opposite?

Stephen said...

Cale... as if god really has anything to do with it. <_<

If god is influencing the outcome of football games, I think he's got better things to do.
Steve Weeks

Stephen said...

Well, as it's the 3rd quarter and the SeaHawks are ahead 29-0, it's safe to say bible interpretation isn't a very good way to predict the way the world works. File this one with James Ussher and Harold Camping! LOL.
Steve Weeks

Unknown said...

On a related note: I came across a survey recently about prayer and game outcomes. Now, it's fairly common and nothing new to pray for a team to win, especially if you are on a team playing or emotiuonally connected in some way. What I find disturbing is that somewhere between 20% and 30% of the respondents actually thought "God" had a definite choice for a team to win.

It boggles my mind that people who believe in a personal deity would picture such as being concerned with *anything* other than the health and safety of the players and whether or not "fair play" was followed throughout the game (and the like).