The Best Fathers in the Bible: Examples for Father's Day

Since it's getting close to Father's Day, I'm bumping this post up again.

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1. Noah, the just preacher of righteousness
   For some reason, God really liked Noah. He hated everyone else, though. Hated them so much, in fact, that he drowned every last one of them, except for Noah (and his family), that is.
   
    What was it that God liked about Noah? Well, the bible doesn't say. It only says that he was a "just and perfect preacher of righteousness." (Genesis 6:9, 7:1; 2 Peter 2:5)
   
   It isn't until after the flood, though, that we find out about his true character. Noah plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and lies around naked in his tent. His son, Ham, happens to see his father in this condition. When Noah sobers up and hears "what his young son had done unto him" (what did he do besides look at him?), he curses not Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father," but Ham's son, Canaan.
   

   And Noah ... planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. Genesis 9:20-25

    So drink up on Father's Day all you dads out there. Pass out and lie around naked in front of God and everybody. If any of your kids happen to see you, curse them in the name of the Lord -- or better yet, curse your unborn grandkids and all of their descendants with slavery. Just follow the example of that just and perfect, godly preacher of righteousness, Noah!
   
   
2. Lot, the just and righteous
   Lot was a family man and one of God's special heroes. Out of all of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, God saved only Lot and his family, because Lot was, according to the bible, a just and righteous man (2 Peter 2:7-8). He was also, no doubt, an excellent father. Here is what the Bible says about him.
   
   He offered his two virgin daughters to a crowd of angel rapers, saying:
   

   "Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes." -- Genesis 19:8

   Later he got drunk and impregnated them.

   Lot ... dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him.... And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us ... Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. -- Genesis 19:30-36

   So if you are attacked by a sex-crazed mob of angel rapers on Father's Day, follow the just and righteous Lot's example. Offer your virgin daughters to the mob to do whatever they want to do with them and then (if your daughters survive that) get drunk and impregnate them.
   
   
3. Abraham
   Abraham abandoned his first son, Ishmael, sending him and his mother into the desert to die.
   

   Wherefore she (Sarah) said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman (Hagar) and her son (Ishmael) ... And God said unto Abraham ... hearken unto her voice. ... And Abraham ... took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness. -- Genesis 21:10-14

   He then agreed to sacrifice his second son (his "only" son) to God as a burnt offering.

   And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and ... offer him there for a burnt offering.... And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. -- Genesis 22:2, 10

   So if your wife can't stand one of your kids and tells you to throw him or her out of the house, follow Father Abraham's example and do what she says. Then later, if God asks you to kill one of your other children, do that too. Don't worry about it. God will probably send an angel to protect the abandoned child and provide a goat for you to kill instead of your kid at the last minute. Just be willing to abandon and kill your children for God if he asks you to. That's the important thing.
   
   
4. Isaac
   Isaac had two sons, Esau and Jacob. Isaac loved Esau (because he liked to eat his venison), Rebekah loved Jacob (God knows why), and God hated Esau.
   

   Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. -- Genesis 25:28

   Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. -- Romans 9:13

   The Bible doesn't say anything more about Isaac's relationship with his two sons until he is about to die, when Rebekah, Jacob, and God all work together to steal Isaac's blessing of Esau and make it apply to Jacob instead. It's a bit too long to tell here, so I suggest you read the Brick Testament story instead. There is an important message for fathers here. Every father should understand that God will love some of his children and hate others. Don't worry about it. Just try to find out which of you children God hates and then go and do likewise.
   
   
5. Jacob
   Jacob loved Joseph more than his other children, and he made it pretty obvious. So the other kids in the family hated Joseph. (God didn't seem to mind; he liked Joseph best, too.)
   

   Now Israel [Jacob] loved Joseph more than all his children ... And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him. -- Genesis 37:3-4

   So don't fall for the modern secular lie that a father should love all of children as much and as equally as possible. Follow the example of Jacob and love one of your children more than all of the others.
   
   
6. Aaron
   Aaron watched quietly as his sons were burned to death by God.
   

   And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron ... offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. .... And Aaron held his peace. -- Leviticus 10:1-3

   So if God decides to burn your children to death for burning incense or whatever, just watch quietly. And for God's sake, don't complain about it.
   
   
7. Caleb
   Caleb was one of the twelve scouts that Moses sent out during the Exodus to check out the land of Canaan. Since Caleb told Moses what he wanted to hear (that it would be easy to conquer the Canaanites), he was rewarded, while the ten honest scouts (who filed more discouraging reports) were killed by God in a plague (God's 18th killing).
   
   Forty years later, when the Israelites were busy killing Canaanites, Caleb offered a reward to whomever could smite (kill all the inhabitants of) the city of Kirjathsepher. The reward was his daughter, Achsah.
   

   Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. Joshua 15:16

   The guy who won the reward happened to be one of Caleb's relatives.
   

   And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife. Joshua 15:17

   It's hard to tell from that verse whether Othniel was Caleb's brother or nephew, but whichever it was God approved of the whole thing. Because Caleb was "God's servant."
   

   And the LORD said ... my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed shall possess it. Numbers 15:20-23

   So to all you dads out there, God says it's OK to give your daughter to someone who commits genocide for you, even if the someone is a close relative, like a uncle or even a brother. What the heck.
   
   
8. Gideon
   Gideon is a great example for all Christian men. He had many wives and seventy sons.
   

   And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives. -- Judges 8:30

   He taught taught his sons what it means to be a real man.
   

   And he said unto Jether his firstborn, Up, and slay them. But the youth drew not his sword: for he feared, because he was yet a youth. ... And Gideon arose, and slew [them]. -- Judges 8:20-21

   This one is pretty obvious. Try to have as many wives and sons as possible. And teach your sons what it means to be real men. (Real men are not afraid to kill people.)
   
   
9. Jephthah
   When the spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah, he promised to offer to God as a burnt offering whatever came to greet him when he returned from battle. When his daughter greeted him after a successful God-assisted slaughter, he honored his promise to God by killing and burning his daughter for God.
   

   Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah.... And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands. And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter. ... And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances.... And ... when he saw her... said, Alas, my daughter! ... I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back. And she said unto him ... Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows. ... And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed. -- Judges 11:29-39

   So when the spirit of the Lord comes upon you and you promise God to kill whomever you happen to see first when you get home from your latest God-assisted genocide, remember Jephthah and fulfill your promise to God, even if it means you have to kill and burn your daughter as a sacrifice to God.
   
   
10. Saul
    Saul offered to sell his daughter for 100 Philistine foreskins.
    

    And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines. -- 1 Samuel 18:25

    David bought her for twice the asking price (200 foreskins).

    Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. -- 1 Samuel 18:27

    And since "David did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD ... save only in the matter of Uriah the Hittite," we know that God approved of the transaction. So don't settle for just a few foreskins when selling your daughters.
    
    
11. David
    You can tell a lot about a father by his last words to his children. Take David for example.
    David asked his son Solomon to murder Joab for him.
    

    Now the days of David drew nigh that he should die; and he charged Solomon his son, saying … thou knowest also what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me … let not his hoar head go down to the grave in peace. 1 Kings 2.1-6

    So Solomon sent Benaiah to murder Joab.
    

    It was told king Solomon that Joab was fled unto the tabernacle of the LORD; and, behold, he is by the altar. Then Solomon sent Benaiah … saying, Go, fall upon him … So Benaiah … fell upon him, and slew him. 1 Kings 2:29-34

    And another person that David asked his son to murder was Shimei.

    Thou hast with thee Shimei … which cursed me with a grievous curse in the day when I went to Mahanaim: but he came down to meet me at Jordan, and I sware to him by the LORD, saying, I will not put thee to death with the sword. Now therefore hold him not guiltless: for thou art a wise man, and knowest what thou oughtest to do unto him; but his hoar head bring thou down to the grave with blood. 1 Kings 2:8-9

    So Solomon sent Benaiah to “fall on” Shimei, too.

    So the king commanded Benaiah ... which went out, and fell upon him, that he died. 1 Kings 2:44-46

    The lesson here is this: have a list of people you'd like your children to kill for you after your die.
    
    
12. Job
    Job was a perfect man (and perfect father) with ten children, seven sons and three daughters.
    

    There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect ... There were born unto him seven sons and three daughters. Job 1:1-2

    As part of a bet, God and Satan killed Job's children. After the killing, Job "blessed God" and didn't "foolishly" blame God for his murderous Satanic bet. (See here for details. Or read all 8 of the Brick Testament stories about Job.)
    
    In the end, God rewarded Job for not complaining by replacing the dead children with a completely a new set of ten kids. And the new daughters were even prettier than before!
    

    So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning ... He had also seven sons and three daughters ... And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job. Job 42:12-13

    So remember dads, if you don't like your children all that much, or have some ugly daughters or whatnot, just ask God and Satan to kill them for you. That way you're sure to get a better set of kids.
      
13. Hosea
    Hosea's family life was prearranged by God, and was, therefore, perfect by definition.
    
    God told him to take ... a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms" because the land has "committed great whoredom." So Hosea did as God commanded and "took" a wife named Gomer.
    

    The LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD.  So he went and took Gomer. Hosea 1:2-3

    Gomer had a daughter, which God told Hosea to name "unloved."
    

    Gomer ... conceived ... and bare a daughter. And God said unto him, Call her name Loruhamah. Hosea 1:3-6

    Hosea tells his unloved daughter that her mother is a whore who is not his wife. He asks her to tell her  mother to "put away her whoredoms" and "her adulteries from between her breasts" or he (Hosea or God?) will "strip her naked ... and slay her with thirst."
    

    Plead with your mother, plead: for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts. Lest I strip her naked, and set her as in the day that she was born ... and slay her with thirst. Hosea 2:

    God (or Hosea, it's hard to tell them apart) says he will not have mercy on Hosea's children, because their mother is a whore.
    

    I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the children of whoredoms.
    For their mother hath played the harlot. Hosea 2:4-5

    So there you have it: the perfect example for godly fathers.
    
    Marry a whore, give your children nasty names like "unloved," tell them their mother is a whore, and have no mercy on them since they are "the children of whoredoms."
    
    
14. Simon Peter
    We don't know from the gospels whether or not Peter was a father, but he was definitely a married man, since Jesus rebuked Peter's mother-in-law's fever.
    

    He [Jesus] arose out of the synagogue, and entered into Simon's house. And Simon's wife's mother was taken with a great fever; and they besought him for her. And he stood over her, and rebuked the fever; and it left her: and immediately she arose and ministered unto them. Luke 4:38-39

    Since Peter was married, it's reasonable to suppose that he had children, not that it matters much since Jesus encouraged his disciples to abandon their wives and children. (The first pope abandoned his family for Jesus in Luke 5:11.)
    

    Jesus said ... Every one that hath forsaken ... wife, or children ... for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Matthew 19:28-29 Mark 10:29-30, Luke 18:29-30

    So to hell with fatherhood. Forsake wife and children for Jesus. (He'll give you a big reward for it!)
    
    
15. God the Father
    Somehow I forgot about him. But you can read all about his fathering skills here: here.
    
    

Call me Ishi

That's what God wants you to call him. He said so in the Bible.

It shall be at that day, saith the LORD, that thou shalt call me Ishi. Hosea 2:16

If you call him "Ishi" (hubsand),  he'll make a covenant with the beasts, fowls, and creeping things.

In that day will I make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and with the fowls of heaven, and with the creeping things of the ground. 2:18

Then he'll marry and get to know you.

I will betroth thee unto me for ever ... and thou shalt know the LORD. 2:19-20

On his (and your) wedding day, he (Ishi) will hear the heavens and the heavens will hear the earth. The earth will hear the corn, and the wine, and the oil. And Ishi will sow his wife (you) on the earth. (Or something like that.)

In that day, I will hear, saith the LORD, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth. And the earth shall hear the corn, and the wine, and the oil ... And I will sow her unto me in the earth. 2:21-23

So give it some thought. It might be a lot of fun.

Make God happy; call him "Ishi" and marry him. He'll get to know you and sow you like a field.

He'll make a deal with the animals; he'll hear the heavens, the heavens will hear the earth, and the earth will hear the corn, wine, and oil.

A good time will be had by all.

And you and Ishi will live happily together forever.

The worst person in the Bible

As anyone who has read the Bible knows, there are a lot of bad people in the (not so very) Good Book. Noah, Abraham, Lot, Moses, Joshua, Jephthah, Gideon, Samson, David, Elijah, Elisha, Jesus -- there are many candidates for the worst person in the Bible award.

My choice for the award isn't on the above list. It is someone that many Bible believers have never even heard of.

His name is Jehu.

The story of Jehu is told in 2 Kings chapters 9 and 10, where God, through the prophet Elisha, anoints Jehu as king and commands him to perform a series of serial killings. First he is told to kill everyone in Ahab's family, especially all those who have ever "pissed against a wall."

Thus saith the LORD God ... thou shalt smite the house of Ahab ... For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall. 2 Kings 9:7-9

So Jehu rides off in his chariot to kill Ahab's son, Jehoram -- a wall pisser if ever there was one.

After killing Jehoram, Jehu killed Ahab's wife, Jezebel, whom God wanted not just dead, but treated like shit and fed to the dogs.

And the dogs shall eat Jezebel in the portion of Jezreel, and there shall be none to bury her. 9:10

This is the word of the LORD ... dogs [shall] eat the flesh of Jezebel: And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field. 9:36-37

So Jehu had Jezebel thrown off a wall to be trampled by horses and fed to the dogs.

Then it was time to take care of the rest of Ahab's family. So Jehu ordered the rulers of Jezreel to cut off the heads of 70 of Ahab's sons and deliver them to him in two baskets.

But there were still a few other wall-pissers on God's hit list. So Jehu searched the town of Jezreel for any and all of Ahab's remaining family and friends -- whoever was associated somehow with Ahab and might have pissed against a wall at one time or another.

Then he killed them all.

So Jehu slew all that remained of the house of Ahab in Jezreel, and all his great men, and his kinsfolks, and his priests, until he left him none remaining. 2 Kings 10:11

But there were still more of Ahab's family to kill. (Ahab had a very large family.) So Jehu drove off to Samaria to meet with the family of King Ahaziah of Judah (a relative of Ahab).

It was a short, productive meeting. Jehu had only one action item: kill all 42 attendees.

Jehu met with the brethren of Ahaziah king of Judah ... And he [Jehu] said, Take them alive. And they took them alive, and slew them at the pit of the shearing house, even two and forty men; neither left he any of them. 10:13-14

There were still a few more of Ahab's relatives to kill, however. So Jehu and a very close friend show off their "zeal for the Lord" by slaughtering the rest of Ahab's family.

When he was departed thence, he lighted on Jehonadab the son of Rechab coming to meet him: and he saluted him, and said to him, Is thine heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? And Jehonadab answered, It is. If it be, give me thine hand. And he gave him his hand; and he took him up to him into the chariot. And he said, Come with me, and see my zeal for the LORD ... And when he came to Samaria, he slew all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria, till he had destroyed him, according to the saying of the LORD. 10:15-17

And finally, after Jehu finished killing Ahab's family in Samaria, he called an assembly to worship Baal. Then when the worshipers arrived, he killed them all.

Jehu said, Proclaim a solemn assembly for Baal. And they proclaimed it. And Jehu sent through all Israel: and all the worshippers of Baal came, so that there was not a man left that came not. And they came into the house of Baal; and the house of Baal was full from one end to another. ... As soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, that Jehu said to the guard and to the captains, Go in, and slay them; let none come forth. And they smote them with the edge of the sword. 2 Kings 10:20-25

And that's all the Bible says about Jehu. Still it seems enough to award him the title of the worst person in the Bible.

But what about God? Since he ordered the killings, isn't he even worse than Jehu?

And the LORD said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel. 2 Kings 10:30

Well, yes he is. Richard Dawkins was quite right when he said that "the God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction." But he's not human (or a corporation), so he doesn't qualify as a person.

To be fair to God, I should mention that God seemed to change his mind about the Jehu mass murders.

And the LORD said unto him, Call his name Jezreel; for yet a little while, and I will avenge the blood of Jezreel upon the house of Jehu, and will cause to cease the kingdom of the house of Israel. Hosea 1:4

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The Watchtower, however, has no such reservations about Jehu. It calls Jehu "a champion of pure worship" and a model for disfellowshipping.

[T]o rid the congregation of potentially corrupting influences, Christian elders may have to act with courage similar to that of Jehu. And all members of the congregation need to be determined to avoid the company of disfellowshipped individuals. ... No doubt you can see that circumstances faced by Christians today require that they manifest certain qualities possessed by Jehu. Watchtower, Nov 15, 2011

Some Bible verses for Mother's Day

It's not easy to find a good Bible verse for Mother's Day.
But here are the best I can find.

From the book of Hosea.

Plead with your mother, plead: ... let her ... put away her whoredoms ... and her adulteries from between her breasts;  Lest I strip her naked ... and slay her with thirst.  

And I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the children of whoredoms. ...For their mother hath played the harlot.

Now will I discover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and none shall deliver her out of mine hand. Hosea 2:2-10

Give them, O LORD: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts. ... I will love them no more.  ... Yea, though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb. Hosea 9:14-16

 Their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up. Hosea 13:16

And Deuteronomy.

The tender and delicate woman among you ... her eye shall be evil ... toward her son, and toward her daughter, And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them. Deuteronomy 28:56-57

Or how about the inspiring words of Jesus?

I am come to set ... the daughter against her mother. ... He that loveth ... mother more than me is not worthy of me.  Matthew 10:35-37

Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked. But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.  Luke 11:27-28 

If any man come to me, and hate not his ... mother ... he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26 

Behold, thy mother ... seek(s) for thee. And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother? Mark 3:32-33

Woman, what have I to do with thee? (Jesus talking to his mother)   John 2:4

Any of these would look nice on a Mother's Day card, don't you think?

Happy Mother's Day!

Is there anything the God of the Bible could do that a believer wouldn't call good?

I recently asked the question, "Is it wrong to burn people to death?", and although there was a lot of discussion about it in the comments, there was no clear answer from any believer. The best (and pretty much only) answer seemed to be that yes, it is wrong to burn people to death today, but it wasn't wrong back in the day when God told people to do it and did it himself on occasion. You see, back then there were no laws against it and it was an accepted form of punishment. God was just doing and telling others to do what everyone else was doing. What could be wrong with that?

It reminded me of the "answer" given by John Yoo when asked by John Conyers if there was anything the president could not order to be done to a suspect if it was necessary for national defense. When Mr. Yoo refused to answer, Conyers asked, "Could the president order a suspect to be buried alive?" Of course that question wasn't answered either.

So it got me thinking. Is there anything that the God of the Bible could do that a believer wouldn't call good? Could he, for example:

1. Bury people alive?

   Korah, Dathan, and Abiram ... came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children. And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me .... If these men die the common death of all men ... then the LORD hath not sent me. But if the LORD make ... the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD. And it came to pass ... that ... the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up.... They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. Numbers 16:27-34

2. Burn people to death?

   And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense. Numbers 16:35 (See here for more examples.)

3. Burn people forever after they die (but keep them alive to torture them)?

   The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God ...he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone ... And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever. Revelation 14:10-11

4. Force parents to eat their children and friends to eat each other?

   And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. Jeremiah 19:9

5. Force people to kill their brothers and eat themselves?

   Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts ... no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm. Isaiah 9:19-20

6. Force people to cut off their noses and women to pluck off their breasts?

   And I will set my jealousy against thee, and they shall deal furiously with thee: they shall take away thy nose and thine ears. ... Thou shalt even drink it and suck it out, and thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 23:25-37

7. Kill a newborn baby to punish its parents?

   Because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. 2 Samuel 12:14

8. Dash little children to pieces and rip up pregnant women?

   Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up. Hosea 13:16

9. Cause birth defects and spread dung on peoples' faces?

   Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces. Malachi 2:3

10. Order a woman's hand to be cut off "without pity" for touching a man's genitals?

    When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Of course, this is just a sample of what God has done. See here for a more extensive list of biblical cruelties.

Are all of these things good just because God did them? Just like whatever Bush does is legal because he is president?

If there a sane, moral Christian out there, I'd love to hear your response.

Whom does God hate?

I’ve often heard that God loves everyone. He hates the sin, but loves the sinner. And that might be true about some gods. But the God of the Bible hates people, right along with the sin (and figs, rags, shrimp, cephalopods, and Christmas trees).

Consider these verses:

I hated them: for the wickedness of their doings I will drive them out of mine house, I will love them no more ... yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb. -- Hosea 9:15-16

And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them. -- Leviticus 20:23

I will ... cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you. -- Leviticus 26:30

And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them ... for they are ... children in whom is no faith. -- Deuteronomy 32:19-20

The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity. -- Psalm 5:5

The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth. -- Psalm 11:5

These six things doth the LORD hate ... A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. -- Proverbs 6:16, 19

I hated Esau. -- Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13

So the Bible-God hates some people (foreign nations, workers of iniquity, wicked people, and liars, to name a few). But there is only one person (that I know of) that God hates by name. What is the name of this God-hated person?

The Bible's War on Marriage

There's a war on out there. A war on marriage. But the attack is not from gays or atheists, or even from academic feminists. It's from the Bible. Consider these verses that:

Encourage polygamy.

If he take him another wife.... -- Exodus 21:10

If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated.... -- Deuteronomy 21:15

Encourage adultery.

And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms. -- Hosea 1:2

Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress.... So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and an half homer of barley. -- Hosea 3:1-2

Encourage the buying and selling of wives.

And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines.... And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well.... Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. -- 1 Samuel 18:25-27

Discourage marriage.

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. -- 1 Corinthians 7:1-2

For I would that all men were even as I myself.... I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. -- 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

Discourage sex in marriage.

But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none. -- 1 Corinthians 7:29

Encourage divorce.

If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her.... -- Deuteronomy 22:13

When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. -- Deuteronomy 24:1-2

So in the war on marriage, the republicans are fighting the wrong enemy. It's not gay marriage that needs to be outlawed; it's the Bible.