The worst person in the Bible

As anyone who has read the Bible knows, there are a lot of bad people in the (not so very) Good Book. Noah, Abraham, Lot, Moses, Joshua, Jephthah, Gideon, Samson, David, Elijah, Elisha, Jesus -- there are many candidates for the worst person in the Bible award.

My choice for the award isn't on the above list. It is someone that many Bible believers have never even heard of.

His name is Jehu.

The story of Jehu is told in 2 Kings chapters 9 and 10, where God, through the prophet Elisha, anoints Jehu as king and commands him to perform a series of serial killings. First he is told to kill everyone in Ahab's family, especially all those who have ever "pissed against a wall."

Thus saith the LORD God ... thou shalt smite the house of Ahab ... For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall. 2 Kings 9:7-9

So Jehu rides off in his chariot to kill Ahab's son, Jehoram -- a wall pisser if ever there was one.

After killing Jehoram, Jehu killed Ahab's wife, Jezebel, whom God wanted not just dead, but treated like shit and fed to the dogs.

And the dogs shall eat Jezebel in the portion of Jezreel, and there shall be none to bury her. 9:10

This is the word of the LORD ... dogs [shall] eat the flesh of Jezebel: And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field. 9:36-37

So Jehu had Jezebel thrown off a wall to be trampled by horses and fed to the dogs.

Then it was time to take care of the rest of Ahab's family. So Jehu ordered the rulers of Jezreel to cut off the heads of 70 of Ahab's sons and deliver them to him in two baskets.

But there were still a few other wall-pissers on God's hit list. So Jehu searched the town of Jezreel for any and all of Ahab's remaining family and friends -- whoever was associated somehow with Ahab and might have pissed against a wall at one time or another.

Then he killed them all.

So Jehu slew all that remained of the house of Ahab in Jezreel, and all his great men, and his kinsfolks, and his priests, until he left him none remaining. 2 Kings 10:11

But there were still more of Ahab's family to kill. (Ahab had a very large family.) So Jehu drove off to Samaria to meet with the family of King Ahaziah of Judah (a relative of Ahab).

It was a short, productive meeting. Jehu had only one action item: kill all 42 attendees.

Jehu met with the brethren of Ahaziah king of Judah ... And he [Jehu] said, Take them alive. And they took them alive, and slew them at the pit of the shearing house, even two and forty men; neither left he any of them. 10:13-14

There were still a few more of Ahab's relatives to kill, however. So Jehu and a very close friend show off their "zeal for the Lord" by slaughtering the rest of Ahab's family.

When he was departed thence, he lighted on Jehonadab the son of Rechab coming to meet him: and he saluted him, and said to him, Is thine heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? And Jehonadab answered, It is. If it be, give me thine hand. And he gave him his hand; and he took him up to him into the chariot. And he said, Come with me, and see my zeal for the LORD ... And when he came to Samaria, he slew all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria, till he had destroyed him, according to the saying of the LORD. 10:15-17

And finally, after Jehu finished killing Ahab's family in Samaria, he called an assembly to worship Baal. Then when the worshipers arrived, he killed them all.

Jehu said, Proclaim a solemn assembly for Baal. And they proclaimed it. And Jehu sent through all Israel: and all the worshippers of Baal came, so that there was not a man left that came not. And they came into the house of Baal; and the house of Baal was full from one end to another. ... As soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, that Jehu said to the guard and to the captains, Go in, and slay them; let none come forth. And they smote them with the edge of the sword. 2 Kings 10:20-25

And that's all the Bible says about Jehu. Still it seems enough to award him the title of the worst person in the Bible.

But what about God? Since he ordered the killings, isn't he even worse than Jehu?

And the LORD said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel. 2 Kings 10:30

Well, yes he is. Richard Dawkins was quite right when he said that "the God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction." But he's not human (or a corporation), so he doesn't qualify as a person.

To be fair to God, I should mention that God seemed to change his mind about the Jehu mass murders.

And the LORD said unto him, Call his name Jezreel; for yet a little while, and I will avenge the blood of Jezreel upon the house of Jehu, and will cause to cease the kingdom of the house of Israel. Hosea 1:4

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The Watchtower, however, has no such reservations about Jehu. It calls Jehu "a champion of pure worship" and a model for disfellowshipping.

[T]o rid the congregation of potentially corrupting influences, Christian elders may have to act with courage similar to that of Jehu. And all members of the congregation need to be determined to avoid the company of disfellowshipped individuals. ... No doubt you can see that circumstances faced by Christians today require that they manifest certain qualities possessed by Jehu. Watchtower, Nov 15, 2011

Jehu assembled the followers of Baal and then slaughtered them all

After Jehu finished killing Ahab's family in Samaria, he called an assembly to worship Baal.

Jehu gathered all the people together, and said unto them, Ahab served Baal a little; but Jehu shall serve him much. 2 Kings 10:18

Jehu would lead the sacrifice to Baal and any follower of Baal that did not come would be killed.

Now therefore call unto me all the prophets of Baal, all his servants, and all his priests; let none be wanting: for I have a great sacrifice to do to Baal; whosoever shall be wanting, he shall not live. 2 Kings 10:19a

But he was lying, of course. He assembled the followers of Baal, not to worship Baal with them as he said, but to kill them all.

But Jehu did it in subtilty ... that he might destroy the worshippers of Baal. 2 Kings 10:19b

So Jehu called the assembly.

Jehu said, Proclaim a solemn assembly for Baal. And they proclaimed it. And Jehu sent through all Israel: and all the worshippers of Baal came, so that there was not a man left that came not. And they came into the house of Baal; and the house of Baal was full from one end to another. 2 Kings 10:20-21

Then he told 80 of his men to kill of the worshipers of Baal, saying he'd kill whoever let any escape.

And when they went in to offer sacrifices and burnt offerings, Jehu appointed fourscore men without, and said, If any of the men whom I have brought into your hands escape, he that letteth him go, his life shall be for the life of him. 2 Kings 10:24

When Jehu finished his sacrifice to Baal, he ordered the sacrifice of all of the followers of Baal.

As soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, that Jehu said to the guard and to the captains, Go in, and slay them; let none come forth. And they smote them with the edge of the sword. 2 Kings 10:25

God approved of this and all of Jehu's previous mass murders. He liked them so much, in fact, that Jehu's sons would be kings of Israel for the next four generations.

And the LORD said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel. 2 Kings 10:25

God's next killing: The priest of Baal and Queen Athaliah

Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab's family

After meeting with Ahaziah's family (and killing them all), Jehu got into his chariot and drove away furiously toward Samaria. On his way he ran across an old friend, Jehonadab.

Jehu asked Jehonadab, "Is your heart as true to mine as mine is to yours?" And Jehonadb said, "It is." (I guess they were really good friends.)

When he was departed thence, he lighted on Jehonadab the son of Rechab coming to meet him: and he saluted him, and said to him, Is thine heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? And Jehonadab answered, It is. 2 Kings 10:15a

Then Jehu said, "If it is, give me your hand." (This is getting so romantic!)

If it be, give me thine hand. 2 Kings 10:15b

So Jehu reached out his hand and took Jehonadab into the chariot.

And he gave him his hand; and he took him up to him into the chariot. 2 Kings 10:15c

When Jehonadab and Jehu were finally together, Jehu said, "Come with me, and see my zeal for the Lord."

And he said, Come with me, and see my zeal for the LORD. 2 Kings 10:16

Then the two men, whose hearts were true to each other, rode off into the sunset toward Samaria.

When they arrived in Samaria, they slaughtered the rest of Ahab's family, "according to the saying of the LORD, which he spake to Elijah."

And when he came to Samaria, he slew all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria, till he had destroyed him, according to the saying of the LORD, which he spake to Elijah. 2 Kings 10:17

And by so doing, the true-hearted partners expressed their zeal for the Lord.

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The Bible doesn't say how many were killed, so I just guessed 100.
There really should be a Brick Testament story for this one!

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God's next killing: Jehu assembles the followers of Baal and then slaughters them all

Jehu killed 42 of Ahaziah's family (and God approved of this killing)

After Jehu killed what remained of Ahab's family in Jezreel, he went to Samaria and met with the family of king Ahaziah of Judah.

And he arose and departed, and came to Samaria. And ... met with the brethren of Ahaziah king of Judah, and said, Who are ye? And they answered, We are the brethren of Ahaziah; and we go down to salute the children of the king and the children of the queen. 2 KIngs 10:12-13

It was a short, productive meeting. Jehu had only one action item: kill all the attendees.

And he said, Take them alive. And they took them alive, and slew them at the pit of the shearing house, even two and forty men; neither left he any of them. 2 KIngs 10:14

That's all that 2 Kings says about it. But the killing is also covered in 2 Chronicles.

The destruction of Ahaziah was of God by coming to Joram: for when he was come, he went out with Jehoram against Jehu the son of Nimshi, whom the LORD had anointed to cut off the house of Ahab. And it came to pass, that, when Jehu was executing judgment upon the house of Ahab, and found the princes of Judah, and the sons of the brethren of Ahaziah, that ministered to Ahaziah, he slew them. And he sought Ahaziah: and they caught him, (for he was hid in Samaria,) and brought him to Jehu: and when they had slain him. 2 Chronicles 22:7-9

So we know that the killing of Ahaziah's 42 relatives was "of God" -- which means that God approved of these killings.
But was it part of Jehu's hit list from God?
I guess God only knows that, and he's not telling.
(I guess even God has the right to remain silent.)

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God's next killing: Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab’s family

Ahab's hometown family, friends, and priests

In God's last killing, the chicken-shit leaders of Jezreel sent Jehu the heads of Ahab's sons (all 70 of them).
But that didn't quite satisfy Jehu. He had his orders from God, given to him by Elisha when Jehu was made king.

Thus saith the LORD God ... thou shalt smite the house of Ahab thy master ... The whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall ....And I will make the house of Ahab like the house of Jeroboam ... and Baasha ... And the dogs shall eat Jezebel in the portion of Jezreel, and there shall be none to bury her. 2 Kings 9:6-10

So although he was off to a good start, having killed Ahab's son, Jehoram, Ahab's wife, Jezebel, and 70 of Ahab's sons, there still might be a few wall-pissing family or friends of Ahab left to kill.
The first place that Jehu looked was Ahab's old hometown, Jezreel. He searched the town and found all of Ahab's family, friends, and priests -- whoever that was associated somehow with Ahab and might also have pissed against a wall at one time or another.
And then he killed them all.

So Jehu slew all that remained of the house of Ahab in Jezreel, and all his great men, and his kinsfolks, and his priests, until he left him none remaining. 2 Kings 10:11

Then he took his search elsewhere.

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The text doesn't say how many of Ahab's family and friends were killed in Jezreel. I'll just say 100.

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God's next killing: Ahaziah's family

Ahab's sons: 70 heads in two heaps

Jehu was on a mission from God.
(Like Anton Chigurh in "No Country for Old Men," but without the coin tosses.)
First he killed one of Ahab's sons, Jehoram. Then he killed Ahab's wife, Jezebel. Now it was time to take care of the rest of Ahab's family.
He started by writing letters to the rulers of Jezreel challenging them fight for Ahab's sons. But they were intimidated by Jehu (they'd probably heard about his previous murders) and said that they would do whatever he wanted.
So Jehu wrote another letter telling them what he wanted: Bring him the heads of all 70 of Ahab's sons tomorrow.

Then he wrote a letter the second time to them, saying, If ye be mine, and if ye will hearken unto my voice, take ye the heads of the men your master's sons, and come to me to Jezreel by to morrow this time. Now the king's sons, being seventy persons, were with the great men of the city, which brought them up. 2 Kings 10:6

And that's what they did. They killed Ahab's 70 sons, put the heads in baskets, and brought them to Jehu.

And it came to pass, when the letter came to them, that they took the king's sons, and slew seventy persons, and put their heads in baskets, and sent him them to Jezreel. 2 Kings 10:7

When Jehu heard that the heads had arrived, he said to put them in two heaps at the city gate and let them stay there overnight.

And there came a messenger, and told him, saying, They have brought the heads of the king's sons. And he said, Lay ye them in two heaps at the entering in of the gate until the morning. 2 Kings 10:8

The next morning Jehu went out and told the people that "the LORD hath done that which he spake by his servant Elijah." (See 1 Kings 21:21)
But there were still others that God wanted Jehu to visit.

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God' next killing: Ahab’s hometown family, friends, and priests

Jezebel

Next on God's hit list for Jehu was Jezebel. So he rode his chariot over to her house.
When she heard Jehu was coming, she put on her make-up and sat by the window. As he entered the gate, she said, "Is it peace, Zimri, murderer of your master?," referring to Zimri's murder of king Baasha and his family.
Jehu poked his head in the window and said to Jezebel's eunuchs, "Who is on my side?" And then said, "Throw her down."
So the eunuchs threw her out the window, where she was trampled by horses, her blood splattering everywhere.

Throw her down. So they threw her down: and some of her blood was sprinkled on the wall, and on the horses: and he trode her under foot. 2 Kings 9:33

Then Jehu went off to eat and drink, telling his people to go take a look the "cursed woman" and then bury her.

And when he was come in, he did eat and drink, and said, Go, see now this cursed woman, and bury her: for she is a king's daughter. 2 Kings 9:34

But when they went to bury her, but couldn't find her, at least not very much of her. Dogs had already eaten everything except her skull, feet, and the palms of her hands.

And they went to bury her: but they found no more of her than the skull, and the feet, and the palms of her hands. 2 Kings 9:35

Which, of course, is just like God said it would be. Jezebel would be eaten by dogs and her body would be treated like shit.

This is the word of the LORD, which he spake by his servant Elijah the Tishbite, saying, In the portion of Jezreel shall dogs eat the flesh of Jezebel: And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field 2 Kings 9:36-37

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God's next killing: Seventy heads in two heaps

Jehoram of Israel

Remember when God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king? You might have thought that that would be the end of it. But no. God still had Ahab's family to kill. It was sort of his way of paying it forward.
The story is a bit complicated, but it starts with Elisha, who called one of "the children of the prophets" and told him to "gird his loins," get some oil, and go anoint Jehu as king of Israel. (You know you're in for some big-time prophet action when Elisha tells you to grab some oil and gird your loins.)

Elisha the prophet called one of the children of the prophets, and said unto him, Gird up thy loins, and take this box of oil ... And when thou comest thither, look out there Jehu ... and ... take the box of oil, and pour it on his head, and say, Thus saith the LORD, I have anointed thee king over Israel. 2 Kings 9:1-3

So that's what that son of a prophet did. He girded his loins and made Jehu king.
Then he told the new king that God had a job for him.

Thus saith the LORD God ... thou shalt smite the house of Ahab thy master, that I may avenge the blood of my servants the prophets, and the blood of all the servants of the LORD, at the hand of Jezebel. 2 Kings 9:6-7

Just in case it wasn't clear, the son of the prophet elaborated a bit. God wanted Jehu to kill everyone in Ahab's family, especially those that had ever "pissed against a wall."

For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall. 2 Kings 9:8

He reminded Jehu of the last two families that God had executed: Jeroboam's and Baasha's. He wanted Jehu to go and do likewise to Ahab's family.

I will make the house of Ahab like the house of Jeroboam ... and Baasha. 2 Kings 9:9

But there was one person that God wanted more than just dead. Ahab's wife, Jezebel, was to be not just killed, but fed to the dogs, so that there would be nothing left of her body to bury.

And the dogs shall eat Jezebel in the portion of Jezreel, and there shall be none to bury her. 2 Kings 9:10

And that was the end of the message from God.
(As you may have noticed by now, God has a one-track mind.)
So Jehu took off in his chariot to get started on God's killings. When people saw him coming, they'd say, "That must be Jehu because he's driving like crazy." (Jehu is the patron saint of reckless drivers.)

And the watchman told, saying, He came even unto them, and cometh not again: and the driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi; for he driveth furiously. 2 Kings 9:20

It wasn't long before Jehu found God's first victim: Ahab's son, Jehoram -- a wall-pisser if there ever was one!
So Jehu did what God told him to do. He shot him right through the heart and threw his dead body in the field of Naboth, "according to the word of the Lord."

Jehu drew a bow with his full strength, and smote Jehoram between his arms, and the arrow went out at his heart ... Then said Jehu to Bidkar his captain ... cast him into the plat of ground, according to the word of the LORD. 2 Kings 9:24-26

And so died the first wall-pisser in Ahab's family.
Then Jehu got back in his chariot and drove off furiously to find the rest.

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God's next killing: Jezebel