So it was Jesus that sent the serpents to bite people for complaining!

One of the craziest stories in the Bible is found in Numbers 21. It all happens in just two verses:

The people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.

And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Numbers 21:5-6

Christians don't pay much attention to it, though. That was, after all, the Old Testament, and they ignore pretty much everything in it, except for the verses that condemn homosexuality.

Sure, they say, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water, but Jesus had nothing to do with it.

Unless you believe Paul, that is.

Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents. 1 Corinthians 10:9

The people tempted Christ (by complaining) and he sent snakes to bite them.

So don't tempt Jesus, or he'll send some of his snakes to bite you too.

Bryan Fischer: We need a president who will make a bronze serpent to protect us from God's fiery serpents

God, I love it when fundamentalists quote Numbers 21.

You remember Numbers 21, don't you? It's the one where the Israelites complain about the lack of food and water, so God sends snakes to bite them, and many of them die.

So the people ask Moses to ask God to call off the snakes. And that's when God came up with a wonderful plan. He told Moses to make a bronze (brass in the KJV) serpent and stick it on a pole. Then, when the snake-bite victims look at it, they won't die.

So that's what Moses did.

And that, according to Bryan Fischer, is what we need our next president to do. Make a bronze serpent to protect us from God's fiery serpents.

It will probably be Rick Stantorum's first act as president.

God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water

When it comes to this Bible story, there are only two kinds of believers: those who have never heard of it, and those who are embarrassed by it.

Here's the story.

The Israelites began to complain about the lack of food and water.

And the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way. And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. Numbers 21:4-5

So God sent fiery serpents to bite the people.

And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people... Numbers 21:6a

And many of the people died.

... and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Numbers 21:6b

Then the people apologized to Moses and God for complaining, and they asked Moses to do something to get rid of God's nasty fiery serpents.

Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people. Numbers 21:7

God told Moses what to do. Make a fiery serpent out of brass (they had lots of that lying around) and put it on a pole. Then when a bitten person looks at it, he or she won't die. (Only God could come up with a plan like that!)

And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. Numbers 21:8

So Moses made a brass snake and put it on a pole. And it worked just like God said it would.

And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived. Numbers 21:8

Now that's a lot more entertaining than a damned holy war massacre, isn't it?

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If there is a believer who is actually proud of this story, I'd love to hear about it. The rest of you can just go on being embarrassed by it.

Well, I guess there are some believers that like this story, since it is highlighted in the Green Bible. I bet that's because it has snakes in it. God loves snakes.

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God's next killing: Phbinehas' double murder

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