03 January 2007

Allah hates pubic hair

I'm not sure why Allah feels this way, but according to Muhammad, he does. Here's what the prophet supposedly said about it.
Five practices are characteristics of the fitrah: circumcision, shaving the pubic hairs, cutting the mustaches short, clipping the nails and plucking the hair of the armpits. (Reported in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

And although the Quran is silent on pubic hair, it does say that everyone must do whatever Muhammad says.

And whatsoever the messenger giveth you, take it. And whatsoever he forbiddeth, abstain (from it). And keep your duty to Allah. Lo! Allah is stern in reprisal. Quran 59:7

So Muhammad says you must shave your pubic hair, and the Quran says you must do whatever Muhammad tells you to do. Now that you know, you have no excuse.

Here are detailed instructions on just how to do it.

It's a bit complicated ("...start shaving the pubic hair from beneath the navel, and to start on the right hand side...").

Be sure to read the instructions before starting.


beepbeepitsme said...

So now I know who to blame for the brazilian!

sattvicwarrior said...

WIERD!!!!!!!!!!!!. i think mohammad is living proof that allah screwed pigs and ate pork .
its just a feeling. . and had foreskin envy to boot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not sure. but its just a feeling!!!!!!!!!!

beepbeepitsme said...

The 3 abrahamic religions all have it in for the foreskin..

Anonymous said...

Heh, foreskin fetishism

1 Samuel 18:25
Saul replied, "Say to David, 'The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.' " Saul's plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines

1 Samuel 18:27
David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

Suricou Raven said...

Ive heard some people suggest that a lot of the really strange religious laws are for the purpose of enforcing segrigation - to keep the faithful from associating with the heathens. The dietary laws, for example, make it extremally difficult for a follower to even share a meal with a non-believer. The pubic shaving just makes the non-believers laugh, and not want to be near the crazy people.

Anonymous said...

Now, now... it doesn't say that Allah hates pubic hair, just that he wants it shaved. Who knows, maybe Allah loves pubic hair so much he wants to collect all the shavings.

Anonymous said...

actually shaving the pubic hair and armpits are all part of hygiene. in Islam cleanliness is of utmost importance. ever realised that the armpit stinks after some time? bad smell is caused by bacteria and by increasing the surface area which is warm and damp (eg hair) more bacteria grow on it. common sense, no?

Anonymous said...

kuffar means a person who covers. in context, a person who covers the truth (islam). as long as you try to stop other people from listening to what islam has to say, you are kuffar. ie you cover the truth.

MazHur said...

my friend fa says

I would differ with your assessment. "Hate" is a strong word, and sometimes we give up that which we love most. So you have to be open to the possibility that the requirement to shave reflects love rather than hate. Pubic hair is, after all, His creation. Why would He not love it?

Second, the act of shaving can have communal implications, so there may be a hidden agenda behind this requirement. As you read the solemn instructions, can you not envision a festive environment in which consenting adults would help each other to Do What Has To Be Done with scheduled regularity? Some naughty liquids and intoxicating smoke, and the efficient removal of hair could be slyly subverted, and replaced by licentious cavorting. Enough of this, and you could rapidly accumulate sufficient sins to justify an investment in Haj. And then the cycle starts again! Think of this as an investment program, with a lump-sum withdrawal once a year.

Last but not least, these instructions draw attention to the trivial, thereby allowing you not to focus on the important things in life. If you spend an hour a week on each trivial dictate, you can easily use up all your spare time. This allows others to set the terms under which you live life, and spares you from tough decisions. Follow the rules, and tread the pathway to heaven! What more could one want? Pass the razor, please!

Term Papers said...

I agree to this that: Muhammad says you must shave your pubic hair, and the Quran says you must do whatever Muhammad tells you to do, Now that you know, we have no excuse.

Term papers