What would Jesus eat?

That's an easy question to answer if you believe what Jesus supposedly said in the gospel of Mark, when he was criticized by the Pharisees for not washing his hands before eating.

Then came together unto him the Pharisees, and certain of the scribes, which came from Jerusalem. And when they saw some of his disciples eat bread with defiled, that is to say, with unwashen, hands, they found fault. ... Then the Pharisees and scribes asked him, Why walk not thy disciples according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashen hands? Mark 7:1-5

Jesus defended himself by asking them why they don't kill children who curse their parents as also required by "the commandments of God."

He answered and said unto them ... ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition. For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: But ye say ... he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition.... Mark 7:6-13

He then told everyone that they could eat whatever they wanted, and that there is no need to wash food, dishes, or hands before eating.

And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand: There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man. If any man have ears to hear, let him hear. Mark 7:14-16

Of course, it's not quite as simple as that. Elsewhere Jesus supposedly said that all of God's laws, every jot and tittle, would be binding on everyone for as long as heaven and earth exist. And since many of these laws are dietary, they would be binding forever.

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:17-19

So what would Jesus eat? Would he be a vegan, as God originally intended people to be (Genesis 1:29)? Or would he eat everything that moves, as God instructed Noah after the flood (Genesis 9:3) and as the voice commanded Peter during his trance (Acts 10:9-13)?

It's hard to say, isn't it? But one thing's for sure: he wouldn't wash his hands before eating. At least not until the Pharisees start killing their disobedient children as required by Commandment #73.

(For more about this, see What kind of animals may we eat?