Punishment for mishandling the Quran

In a previous post, I listed some rules for handling the Quran. But what is the punishment for mishandling it? Well, according to Ynet news, Allah turned a Muslim girl into a dog for for just such a crime.

TAIBEH – Harsh punishment? A Muslim girl from Taibeh was punished by Allah and turned into a dog, according to rumors that have been circulating in the Arab-Israeli town this week, Arab-language newspaper Panorama reported.

According to the rumors, the harsh punishment was meted out after the girl, upset by her mother’s request to bring her the Quran as she was watching television, threw the holy Muslim book at the mother with disdain.

And this wouldn't be the first time Allah enforced such a punishment. The Quran says that Allah turned some Jews into apes for breaking the Sabbath.

And ye know of those of you who broke the Sabbath, how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated! And We made it an example to their own and to succeeding generations, and an admonition to the God-fearing. -- Quran 2:65-66

So he'd probably be more than willing to turn you into a dog (or worse) for mistreating the Quran!

Rules for handling the Quran

This is indeed a noble Qur'an ... Which none toucheth save the purified. -- Quran 56:77-79

From this passage, Muslims have developed a set of rules about how to handle the Quran. Here are some of them.

1. Make formal acts of cleaning yourself (ablutions) before touching the Quran.

2. Don't touch the Quran when you are unclean (like after touching a dog, going to the bathroom, having sex, or while menstruating).

3. Don't touch the Quran (in Arabic) unless you are already a Muslim. (It's okay for non-believers to listen to tapes or touch a translation.)

4. If you do have to touch it for some reason (and you're unclean or a non-Muslim), then wear gloves or use a cloth to keep your filthy fingers off the sacred text.

5. Never let the Quran touch the floor.

6. Don't take it into a bathroom.

7. Don't place anything else on top of it.

These rules are based on the idea that the Quran is the literal word of God, revealed to the angel Gabriel and delivered to the prophet Muhammad — none of which, of course, is true.

The Spirit of the Lord came upon him

According to the Bible, what happens when the Spirit of the Lord comes upon somebody?

Well, the short answer is this: a Spirit-possessed person usually kills things.

The phrase ("the Spirit of the Lord came upon him") occurs only 8 times (in 7 verses) in the Bible. Let's see what happens in each case.

Othniel

The Spirit of the Lord came upon Othniel and he went to war. (The same thing happened to Bush.)

And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war. Judges 3:10

Gideon

When the Spirit of the Lord came upon Gideon, he blew a trumpet. That sounds innocent enough (even if a little crazy). But Gideon (with God's Spirit) used the trumpet to summon soldiers to war. (For details about the war see Gideon's story: The Lord set every man's sword against his neighbor)

But the Spirit of the LORD came upon Gideon, and he blew a trumpet. Judges 6:34

Jephthah

When the spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah, he killed his daughter as a burnt offering to pay God back for providing him with "a very great slaughter."

Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah ... And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. ... and the LORD delivered them into his hands. And he smote them ... And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances ... And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth. And ... her father ... did with her according to his vow which he had vowed. Judges 11:29-39

Samson

Samson had God's Spirit on him three times. Each time he kills something: first a lion, then 30 men, and finally 1000 men.

Behold, a young lion roared against him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid. Judges 14:5-6

And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him ... and slew thirty men. Judges 14:19

And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him ... And he found a new jawbone of an ass ... and slew a thousand men therewith. Judges 15:14-15

Saul and David

The Spirit of God was on Saul until he refused to kill all the Amalekites as commaded by God in 1 Samuel 15:2-3. For refusing to commit genocide, God took away his Spirit from Saul, sicked "an evil spirit from the Lord" on him, and transfered his Spirit over to David, where it remained forever. (In a previous post I described some of the things a person can do when the Spirit of God comes on him.)

The Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled him. 1 Samuel 16:13-14

And for the disbelievers, Allah has prepared a painful doom

For those of you who've never read the Quran, let me summarize it for you: And for the disbelievers, Allah has prepared a painful doom.

This idea is so important that Allah (or his prophet) repeats more than 200 times in the Quran. Here are just a few variants.

For disbelievers is a painful doom. 2:104

Those who disbelieve the revelations of Allah ... promise them a painful doom. 3:21

Give tidings (O Muhammad) of a painful doom to those who disbelieve. 9:3

Those who vex the messenger of Allah, for them there is a painful doom. 9:61

Theirs will be a boiling drink and painful doom because they disbelieved. 10:4

And that's just a sample of the 60 verses in the Quran that describe the "painful doom" that unbelevers will endure. There are also 25 "awful doom" verses, 10 "shameful dooms", 4 "dreadful dooms", 4 "dooms of fire", and another 40 or so differently named dooms. Plus 65 verses that mention just a plain old "doom" -- and a couple hundred or so that describe Hell, the Fire, etc.

But my favorite doom verse is this one (If you don't believe in hell, guess where you'll be going):

Those who believe not in the Hereafter, for them We have prepared a painful doom. 17:10

The Heroes of Faith

Tor the time would fail me to tell of Gideon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthah; of David also, and Samuel. -- Hebrews 11:32

The author of Hebrews provides a list of heroes of faith, which includes Gideon, Samson, Jephthah, David, and Samuel. These are those that all good Christians should emulate.

To help them with that, I thought I'd provide a list of their heroic actions, so they can go and do likewise.

Gideon

Gave God some really weird tests. Judges 6:36-40

Selected for his army the men who lapped water like a dog. (This test was proposed by God.) Judges 7:4-7

Tortured prisoners of war and civilians with thorns and briers. Judges 8:7, 16-17

Ordered his young son to kill prisoners of war, and then did it himself when his son refused. Judges 8:20-22

Made an ephod that "all of Israel ... went whoring after." Judges 8:27

Had many wives and concubines.Judges 8:30

Jephthah

Sacrificed his daughter to God as a burnt offering. Judges 11:30-39

Samson

Killed things whenever "the Spirit of the Lord" came upon him. Judges 14:5-6, 19, 15:14-15

Caught 300 foxes, tied their tails together, and set them on fire. Judges 15:4-5

Saw a harlot and "went in unto her." Judges 16:1

Collapsed a building and killed 3000 people. Judges 16:27-30

David

Bought his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins. 1 Samuel 18:25-27

Killed all Amalekite men and women. 1 Samuel 27:8-11

Had many wives and concubines. 2 Samuel 3:2-5, 5:13, 1 Chronicles 14:3

Commanded his young men to kill Saul's sons, cut off their hands and feet, and hang their bodies up over a pool in Hebron. 2 Samuel 4:6-12

Danced naked, or nearly naked, in front of God and everyone. 2 Samuel 6:14, 20-23

Committed adultery with Bathsheba and then had her husband killed in battle. (To punish David for this, God killed the Bathsheba's baby boy.) 2 Samuel 11:2-27, 12:13-18

Tortured the Ammonites with fire, saws, and axes. 2 Samuel 12:31, 1 Chronicles 20:3

Samuel

Told Saul that God commanded him to kill all of the Amalekites: men, women, infants, sucklings, ox, sheep, camels, and asses. 1 Samuel 15:2-3

Told Saul that he was rejected by God as King of Israel for failing to commit genocide. 1 Samuel 15:22-23

To please God, Samuel hacks Agag in pieces "before the Lord." 1 Samuel 15:32-33