20 May 2009

The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made

Chapter 13 in Drunk with Blood: God's killings in the Bible.

Exodus 32:35

Number killed: 1000

Israelites

Table of God's killings

Who has killed more Satan or God?

God's next killing

More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible

17 May 2009

God tortures everyone except 144,000 Jews (and other new Brick Testament stories from the Book of Revelation)

The new Brick Testament stories are out!

Here are some of my favorite scenes, along with links to the BT stories themselves.

Be sure to read them all. It's the only sane way to read the Book of Revelation.


(Be sure to notice the blasphemous name on the Beast's head.)

Inspired by the Bible: Rumsfeld's Secret Holy War

GQ has released copies of secret intelligence briefing covers that were sent by Donald Rumsfeld to president Bush and his senior military staff just after the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Here they are, along with links to the Bible verses.

Joshua 1:9



1 Chronicles 16:11


Psalm 33:16-19


Psalm 139:9-10


Proverbs 16:3


Isaiah 5:28


Isaiah 6:8


Isaiah 26:2


Daniel 5:5-28


Ephesians 6:13



1 Peter 2:15


04 May 2009

The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation

Chapter 11 in Drunk with Blood: God's killings in the Bible.

Exodus 17:11-13

Estimated number killed: 1000

Amalekites

Table of God's killings

Who has killed more Satan or God?

God's next killing

More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:

Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible

01 May 2009

A note about the Exodus

It didn't happen.

God didn't kill the Egyptian firstborn or drown Pharaoh's army in the sea. He didn't drown people in a world-wide flood or smash them with burning stones at Sodom and Gomorrah. And he didn't kill Onan for spilling his seed or turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt. None of this stuff happened.

These are all just stupid stories that no one should take seriously. The God of the Bible didn't kill anyone, because the God of the Bible doesn't exist.

But since half of the world still believes in him, I'll keep counting the number of people believers believe that he killed.

So let's pretend that the Bible is true and try taking the Exodus seriously.

Imagine Moses organizing the Exodus. He rounds up all the people (with their animals, baked goods, and silver, gold, and clothes that they stole from the Egyptians) and gets them all lined up and ready to go. Each family follows the next with a meter or so between them.

The Bible tells us that 600,000 men left Egypt in the Exodus, so there must have been about that many families. If each family was one meter apart, the line would be 600 kilometers long. That's longer than the entire Exodus route from the the Nile delta to Israel, even allowing for a bit of wandering around in the wilderness. So the front of the line would have arrived in Israel before the those at the end left Egypt. Yet the Bible says the trip took 40 years (everything takes 40 years in the Bible).

OK. So let's say it took 40 years. How fast were they walking? If the entire trip was 600 kilometers, then they would have had to walk a bit more than 1 kilometer per month (about 40 meters a day).

Of course there's no evidence that any of this happened. And if several million people were roaming around for 40 years in the Sinai desert, they would have left some evidence. But they didn't.

That's because it didn't happen.