20 August 2010

1 Nephi 11: A spirit shows Nephi all the shit his dad saw

Since It's been a while since I've blogged the BOM, I suppose I'd better review what's happened so far in 1 Nephi.

OK, now that we're all caught up, let's see what happens next. (I know the suspense is killing you.)

Well, the first thing that comes to pass is that Nephi ponders his dad's imaginary tree, gets caught up in the spirit of the Lord, and is transported to an exceedingly high mountain.

For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot. 1 Nephi 11:1

And then he has a conversation with his new-found spirit friend.

The spirit asked him what he wanted.

And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou? 1 Nephi 11:2

Nephi said he'd like to see some of the shit his dad saw.

And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw. 1 Nephi 11:3

The spirit asked Nephi if he believed that his dad saw the tree?

And the Spirit said unto me: Believest thou that thy father saw the tree of which he hath spoken? 1 Nephi 11:4

Nephi said that he believed all the crazy shit his dad said.

And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I believe all the words of my father. 1 Nephi 11:5

When the spirit heard Nephi's words, it started screaming.

And when I had spoken these words, the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired.1 Nephi 11:6-7

The spirit shouted that because Nephi believes in his dad's cool tree, Jesus would come down from heaven to visit him. (Jesus believes in Lehi's tree, too.)

And behold this thing shall be given unto thee for a sign, that after thou hast beheld the tree which bore the fruit which thy father tasted, thou shalt also behold a man descending out of heaven, and him shall ye witness; and after ye have witnessed him ye shall bear record that it is the Son of God. 1 Nephi 11:7

And then it came to pass that the spirit showed Nephi his dad's magic fruit tree. It was exceedingly white, too. It was like the whitest thing he'd ever seen.

And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me: Look! And I looked and beheld a tree; and it was like unto the tree which my father had seen; and the beauty thereof was far beyond, yea, exceeding of all beauty; and the whiteness thereof did exceed the whiteness of the driven snow. 1 Nephi 11:8

Nephi and the spirit chatted for a while, and then the spirit showed him the virgin Mary. And darn if she wasn't exceedingly white, as well. (Being white is an exceedingly good thing in the Book of Mormon.)

And it came to pass that I looked and beheld the great city of Jerusalem, and also other cities. And I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white. 1 Nephi 11:13

After the spirit showed Nephi the exceedingly white tree and virgin, it blathered on a bit about "the condescension of God" and whatnot. Then it told Nephi that the white virgin "is the mother of the Son of God, after the manner of the flesh."

And he said unto me: Behold, the virgin whom thou seest is the mother of the Son of God, after the manner of the flesh. 1 Nephi 11:18

(Does this mean that God the Father had sex with Mary "after the manner of the flesh?")

Then the spirit (or its angel sidekick) showed Nephi all the shit his dad saw and more. Jesus, Mary, John the Baptist, the twelve apostles, Lehi's iron rod, the large and spacious building, angels, devils, the condescension of God, the wisdom of the world -- the works.

And the shit continues to fly into the next chapter. But I'll save that for later.


Blogging the Book of Mormon
Next episode -- 1 Nephi 12: Those who dwindle in unbelief will become dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people

6 comments:

busterggi said...

You'd have thought Yahweh could've given a warning about the results of the rebellion against Rome in 70 CE or the Spanish inquisition in the 15th through 18th centuries CE or maybe Hitler.

I guess those minor problems weren't considered important to Yahweh or Mohammed (or was that Joe Smith - all these prophets look alike to me).

twillight said...

Steve, as last time you wished part of my blogging the Quran in english, I made my last post in english too.
I usually only tell the new things, but now I took over the whole sura, just for you. This time there was nothing that required a clever comment, so I went instead into full mockery, and made a "modern charicature" of that sura.
Here is the link for all of you:
http://everfreshbiblicalcanon.blogspot.com/2010/08/koran-30-bizanciak.html

Matthew Blanchette said...

Indeed; while Smith was retro-prophesying, he could've at least thrown in an actual historical reference -- but, then again, I guess that was beyond a New York farmer who regularly cribbed from the Bible, closed down a free press critical of him, and believed that Freemasons would save him from an angry mob, no?

I am the wise fool. said...

Oh, come on busterggi! No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

But seriously, this religion must have held somewhat of the same attraction that Judaism did to the Jews. Judaism favored the Jews. Mormonism favored the whites.

skanksta said...

My copy of "Drunk with Blood" arrived today - woo !

Will prob. give it to brother-in-law for Christmas..

Kai Roland said...

11:18 And he said unto me: Behold, the virgin whom thou seest is the mother of the Son of God, after the manner of the flesh.

It's been proven that the word "virgin" is a mistranslation. The original word "almah" means "young woman" (of marrying age). The mistranslation from Hebrew to Greek carried on into the New Testament, but you would figure that God showing these things to Nephi 600 years before the birth of Christ would have trusted that Nephi would know his own language?