01 June 2010

Blogging the Book of Mormon

First Nephi
1: And it came to pass exceedingly
2: The incredible journey begins
3: Oh my heck! We forgot the brass plates!
4: Better for one man to die than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief
5: After this manner of language did they speak
6: It mattereth not to me that I am particular
7: Oh Fetch! We forgot the fricken women!
8: Pointing the finger of scorn at Lehi's magic happy-fruit tree
9: Nephi names his plates
10: Lehi proves Jesus wrong by becoming the greatest prophet ever
11: A spirit shows Nephi all the shit his dad saw
12: Those who dwindle in unbelief will become dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people
13: Satan founds the Catholic church, Columbus discovers America, and Joseph Smith fixes the Bible
14: There are only two churches - the church of God (the Mormons) and the church of the devil (everyone else)
15: Nephi explains his dad's magic tree (again)
16: A group marriage, magic brass ball, and broken steel bow
17: The Trip to Bountiful
18: Nephi discovers America
19: Zenos' Paradox
20-21: I will feed them with their own flesh; they shall be drunken with their own blood
22: Someday Catholics will all get drunk on their own blood

Second Nephi
1-3: A tale of four Josephs and loads of loin fruit
4-5: Because of their unbelief, the Lamanites are cursed, receive a skin of blackness
6: Someday God will force non-Mormons to eat their own flesh and get drunk on their own blood.
7-9: Tomorrow is a Latter Day
10: Wicked Jews, Blessed Gentiles, and a Completely Mormon America (with a Mormon president)
11-24: Padding Isaiah
25: Nephi speaks (somewhat) plainly about Jews, Jesus, and Joseph Smith
26: All those who have dwindled in unbelief shall not be forgotten.
27: The Book of Mormon prophesies itself
28-29: A Bible! A Bible! We don't need another Bible!
30: They shall be a white and delightsome people.
31-33: Nephi makes an end of his prophesying and proposes a simple test
Jacob
1-2: Polygamy, riches, and the Lord's delight in chaste women 3: Repent or "their skins will be whiter than yours." 4On the difficulty of engraving words upon plates
5: A tale of two olive trees (and a new SAB category)
6-7: The sign of Sherem
Enos
You've done an awesome job, Enos!
Jarom
Jarom writes a few words about the Lamanites (who love murder and drink the blood of beasts)
Omni
The Book of Omni: The Nephites discover the Mulekites and Jaredites (who also sailed from Israel to America)
Words of Mormon
Words of Mormon - whispered by the Spirit of the Lord to Mormon Jr.
Mosiah
1: King Benjamin teaches his sons Reformed Egyptian
2-6: The King's Speech
7: A Nephite Family Reunion
8: A seer is greater than an prophet
9: Mosiah 9: The start of the Record of Zeniff
10: 22 years of peace
11: Wicked King Noah
12-13: Abinadi's Trial
14: A Complete Waste of a Golden Plate
15: O, how beautiful upon the mountains are their feet!
16-17: The end of Abinadi
18: Mormon, Mormon, Mormon, Mormon, Mormon!
19: Lamanite Attack!
20: Stolen Daughters
21: The Lord did not see fit to deliver them out of bondage
22: The escape of the Nephites
23: Nevertheless the Lord Seeth Fit to Chasten his People
24: Another daring escape
25: Mosiah 25: Speeches, Speeches and more Speeches
26: What to do with the unbelievers?
27 A visit from God's angel
28 Mosiah's sons go on a mission
29 The End of Mosiah
Alma
1 Priestcraft: Whoring and Babbling in the promised land
2 Amlici seeks to become king, and Alma puts a stop to it
3 God Set a Mark Upon Them
4 Alma Appoints Nephihah
5 Repent! (Or ye shall be cast into the fire)
6 Alma Goes to the City of Gideon (in the Valley of Gideon, There Having a City Built, Named for Gideon, Who Was Slain By the Hand of Nehor With the Sword)
7 Jesus is Coming
8 Alma, the Door-to-Door Salesman
9 Alma Speaks Again to the People of Ammonihah
10 The Evil Lawyers of Ammonihah
11 How much is a Senine of gold worth?
12 "This is the thing which I was about to explain..."
13 Melchizedek--None were greater
14 Alma and Amulek in Prison
15 The Healing of Zeezrom

7 comments:

Serena Norton said...

do you have 3rd Nephi?

Steve Wells said...

Well, yeah, sort of, anyway.

I have 3 Nephi at the SABoM, but I haven't blogged it yet. When I get to 3 Nephi on the blog, I'll be adding a lot of notes that I missed the first time around.

Unknown said...

I'm wondering, have you finished the Book of Mormon?

Steve Wells said...

Unknown,

No, we haven't finished blogging the Book of Mormon yet. (Philip is on Mosiah 20 now.)

bnaurich said...

Isee its easy for you to make fun of sacred things. Of course that shows your true ignorance of Mormons. As a Mormon I m most proud of the fact we appreciate all people and respect all beliefs. Let them worship how, where or what they may. Perhaps one day you will come to understand why.

dave Miller said...

There is no contradiction between Ether 3:1 and 6:2. It states in 6:2 that there would be one stone in EACH END of the eight barges. I was hoping you would have commented on the "transparent glass" referred to in 3:1 however.

dave Miller said...

I disagree with your statement that the journey from Jerusalem took only three days. 1Nephi chapter 2:5 states that they were already "near the shore of the Red Sea; and he did travel in the wilderness with his family." Verse 6 states that "he traveled three days in the wilderness," not three days from Jerusalem.