Blogging the Book of Mormon

First Nephi

1: And it came to pass exceedingly

2: The incredible journey begins

3: Oh my heck! We forgot the brass plates!

4: Better for one man to die than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief

5: After this manner of language did they speak

6: It mattereth not to me that I am particular

7: Oh Fetch! We forgot the fricken women!

8: Pointing the finger of scorn at Lehi's magic happy-fruit tree

9: Nephi names his plates

10: Lehi proves Jesus wrong by becoming the greatest prophet ever

11: A spirit shows Nephi all the shit his dad saw

12: Those who dwindle in unbelief will become dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people

13: Satan founds the Catholic church, Columbus discovers America, and Joseph Smith fixes the Bible

14: There are only two churches - the church of God (the Mormons) and the church of the devil (everyone else)

15: Nephi explains his dad's magic tree (again)

16: A group marriage, magic brass ball, and broken steel bow

17: The Trip to Bountiful

18: Nephi discovers America

19: Zenos' Paradox

20-21: I will feed them with their own flesh; they shall be drunken with their own blood

22: Someday Catholics will all get drunk on their own blood

Second Nephi

1-3: A tale of four Josephs and loads of loin fruit

4-5: Because of their unbelief, the Lamanites are cursed, receive a skin of blackness

6: Someday God will force non-Mormons to eat their own flesh and get drunk on their own blood.

7-9: Tomorrow is a Latter Day

10: Wicked Jews, Blessed Gentiles, and a Completely Mormon America (with a Mormon president)