13 September 2011

2 Nephi 7-9: Tomorrow is a Latter Day

Jacob takes a break from his preaching (again) by throwing in a few more chapters from Isaiah so that 2400 years later the true (LDS) church will know the covenants that God has covenanted with the Jews.
And now, my beloved brethren, I have read these things that ye might know concerning the covenants of the Lord that he has covenanted with all the house of Israel. That he has spoken unto the Jews ... until the time comes that they shall be restored to the true church. 2 Nephi 9:1-2
But I'm going to skip all that. Isaiah sucks (the breasts of kings).

After the Isaiah break, Jacob returned to his 19th century, frontier American, Protestant sermon, which he delivered to the Nephites circa 550 BCE, warning them that they'll all burn in hell unless they repent, believe, and be baptized in the name of someone (Jesus H. Christ) who will not exist for another six centuries or so.
If they will not repent and believe in his name, and be baptized in his name ... they must be damned [to] hell ... the lake of fire and brimstone, which is endless torment. 2 Nephi 9:24-26
Then he takes off all his clothes and shakes them in front of his brethren, exposing himself in all of his glorious blood-free brightness to God's all-searching eye.
Behold, I take off my garments, and I shake them before you; I pray ... God ... view me with his all-searching eye ... that I stand with brightness before him, and am rid of your blood. 2 Nephi 9:44
After that Jacob is not only naked, he's also a bit tired, so he'll finish his sermon tomorrow.
And now, my brethren, I would speak unto you more; but on the morrow I will declare unto you the remainder of my words. Amen. 2 Nephi 9:54
Tomorrow is a Latter Day.

Blogging the Book of Mormon
Next Episode: 2 Nephi 10: Wicked Jews, Blessed Gentiles, and a Completely Mormon America (with a Mormon president)

1 comment:

JustJoeP said...

LOL! Mr. Wells, you cannot make this stuff up! Your excerpts bring superb mirth and amusement to my Friday afternoon. Having spent all of last week driving back and forth across Utah, I thoroughly appreciate your BofM quotes. Keep up the good work!