1 Nephi 15: Nephi explains his dad's magic tree (again)

Remember back in chapter 8 when Lehi had a dream about a tree? Yeah, well, it's back again. And this time it's causing all sorts of trouble for Nephi's brothers.

You see, they just couldn't figure it all out. What was it, anyway? And who cares? A crazy old man dreams about a tree and they're supposed to believe it has some cosmic significance, some deep spiritual meaning?

Well, yes they are. This is the Book of Mormon after all.

And it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had been carried away in the spirit, and seen all these things, I returned to the tent of my father.

And it came to pass that I beheld my brethren, and they were disputing one with another concerning the things my father had spoken unto them.

...

And it came to pass that after I had received strength I spake unto my brethren, desiring to know of them the cause of their disputations.

And they said: Behold, we cannot understand the words which our father hath spoken concerning the natural branches of the olive-tree, and also concerning the Gentiles. 1 Nephi 15:1-7

Of course the main problem with Nephi's brothers was that they didn't inquire of the Lord enough. It's nearly impossible to believe complete and obvious bullshit without God's help.

And I [Nephi] said unto them: Have ye inquired of the Lord?

And they said unto me: We have not. 1 Nephi 15:8-9

Another reason they didn't believe the stuff about the tree is that they were such evil bastards. They didn't follow the commandments and their hearts were way too hard.

Behold, I [Nephi] said unto them: How is it that ye do not keep the commandments of the Lord? How is it that ye will perish, because of the hardness of your hearts? Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said? -- If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you. 1 Nephi 15:10-11

So Nephi explained it all to them again. The grafting of the branches thing is all about Joseph Smith who will (2423 years later) find and translate the golden plates and thereby produce the Book of Mormon that will bring "the fulness of the gospel" to the Gentiles. (And if that isn't perfectly obvious to you, you are an evil bastard that hasn't inquired of the Lord.)

And now, the thing which our father meaneth concerning the grafting in of the natural branches through the fulness of the Gentiles, is, that in the latter days, when our seed shall have dwindled in unbelief, yea, for the space of many years, and many generations after the Messiah shall be manifested in body unto the children of men, then shall the fulness of the gospel of the Messiah come unto the Gentiles, and from the Gentiles unto the remnant of our seed. 1 Nephi 15:13

Nephi says that someday the Native Americans (who centuries later will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people for dwindling in unbelief) will all become Mormons and be saved. (I suppose God will then make them fair , white, and delightsome like good Mormons are today.)

And at that day shall the remnant of our seed know that they are of the house of Israel, and that they are the covenant people of the Lord; and then shall they know and come to the knowledge of their forefathers, and also to the knowledge of the gospel of their Redeemer, which was ministered unto their fathers by him; wherefore, they shall come to the knowledge of their Redeemer and the very points of his doctrine, that they may know how to come unto him and be saved. 1 Nephi 15:14

Nephi goes on to explain the tree, iron rod, and river to his hard-hearted evil brothers.

And it came to pass that I did speak many words unto my brethren, that they were pacified and did humble themselves before the Lord. 1 Nephi 15:20

But I'm going to skip all that. Nephi and I told you about it once before, and once was once too many.

But there is something new in Nephi's spiel. It's all about filthiness.

It goes like this: If your works are filthy, then you are filthy. And if you're filthy, you can't go to heaven because you'd make God's kingdom filthy.

Wherefore, if they should die in their wickedness they must be cast off also ... to be judged of their works; and if their works have been filthiness they must needs be filthy; and if they be filthy it must needs be that they cannot dwell in the kingdom of God; if so, the kingdom of God must be filthy also. 1 Nephi 15:33

But, you see, the kingdom of God isn't filthy, so God had to make a filthy place to put filthy people like you in after you die.

But behold, I say unto you, the kingdom of God is not filthy, and there cannot any unclean thing enter into the kingdom of God; wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared for that which is filthy. 1 Nephi 15:34

And that filthy place is hell. "And the devil is the preparator of it." (Joseph Smith liked to make up words just like Sarah Palin!)

And there is a place prepared, yea, even that awful hell of which I have spoken, and the devil is the preparator of it 1 Nephi 15:35

And thus it is and so on and so forth. Amen.

And thus I spake unto my brethren. Amen. 1 Nephi 15:36

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Next Episode: 1 Nephi 16 -- A group marriage, magic brass ball, and broken steel bow

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1 Nephi 8: Lehi's magic happy-fruit tree

After Nephi and his brothers got back from their women-hunting mission to Jerusalem, it came to pass that Lehi had another dream -- that is he dreamed a dream; or, in other words, he had seen a vision.

And it came to pass that while my father tarried in the wilderness he spake unto us, saying: Behold, I have dreamed a dream; or, in other words, I have seen a vision.1 Nephi 8:2

(The dream that Lehi had was nearly identical to Joseph Smith, Sr.'s dream 2400 years later, before Joseph Smith, Jr. "translated" the Book of Mormon. But I'm sure that was just a coincidence.)
Lehi dreamed about tree with fruit that could make you happy if you ate it (or smoked it?).

And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy.1 Nephi 8:10

Lehi partook of the fruit thereof, and it was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and was whiter than anything he'd ever seen before. (Being white is the best thing a thing can be in the Book of Mormon.)

And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen. 1 Nephi 8:11

And it made him exceedingly happy, happier than he'd ever been before. He was so darned happy he could hardly stand it. So he wanted his family to eat from the happy tree, too.

And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.1 Nephi 8:12

So Lehi cast his eyes round about until he discovered his family.

And as I cast my eyes round about, that perhaps I might discover my family also, I beheld a river of water; and it ran along, and it was near the tree of which I was partaking the fruit.1 Nephi 8:13

Lehi told his family to eat the happy fruit, and the good members of his family (Nephi, Sariah, and Sam) ate it.

And ... I beheld your mother Sariah, and Sam, and Nephi; and they stood as if they knew not whither they should go. And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit, which was desirable above all other fruit. And it came to pass that they did come unto me and partake of the fruit also. 1 Nephi 8:14-16

After the good guys ate the good fruit, Lehi cast his eyes about again until he saw Laman and Lemuel. He told them to eat the fruit, but they wouldn't do it (because they were bad).

And it came to pass that I was desirous that Laman and Lemuel should come and partake of the fruit also; wherefore, I cast mine eyes towards the head of the river, that perhaps I might see them. And it came to pass that I saw them, but they would not come unto me and partake of the fruit. 1 Nephi 8:17-18

Lehi saw an iron rod along the side of the river that people clung to as they traveled towards the happy tree.
In the background there was a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness that lots of people got lost in.

And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost. 1 Nephi 8:23

But some managed to find the happy-fruit tree by hanging on to the rod of iron.

And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree.1 Nephi 8:24

But after partaking of the happy fruit, the people cast their eyes about like they were ashamed or something.

And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed. 1 Nephi 8:25

Then Lehi cast his eyes about again and saw a big building floating in the air.

And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth.1 Nephi 8:26

The building was filled with people that were looking down and pointing and laughing at the people eating the happy fruit.

And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.1 Nephi 8:27

Then the people who were ashamed after eating the happy fruit crawled off into the darkness and got lost.

And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.1 Nephi 8:28

Some of the ashamed fruit-eaters made it to the big building, but others drowned.

And he also saw other multitudes feeling their way towards that great and spacious building. And it came to pass that many were drowned in the depths of the fountain; and many were lost from his view, wandering in strange roads. 1 Nephi 8:31-32

Those that made it into the big building in the sky began pointing the finger of scorn at the happy fruit eaters below.

And great was the multitude that did enter into that strange building. And after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not. 1 Nephi 8:33

Here's what the whole thing looked like.

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Next episode -- 1 Nephi 9: Nephi names his plates

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