15 October 2010

1 Nephi 15: Nephi explains his dad's magic tree (again)

Remember back in chapter 8 when Lehi had a dream about a tree? Yeah, well, it's back again. And this time it's causing all sorts of trouble for Nephi's brothers.

You see, they just couldn't figure it all out. What was it, anyway? And who cares? A crazy old man dreams about a tree and they're supposed to believe it has some cosmic significance, some deep spiritual meaning?

Well, yes they are. This is the Book of Mormon after all.

And it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had been carried away in the spirit, and seen all these things, I returned to the tent of my father.

And it came to pass that I beheld my brethren, and they were disputing one with another concerning the things my father had spoken unto them.


And it came to pass that after I had received strength I spake unto my brethren, desiring to know of them the cause of their disputations.

And they said: Behold, we cannot understand the words which our father hath spoken concerning the natural branches of the olive-tree, and also concerning the Gentiles. 1 Nephi 15:1-7

Of course the main problem with Nephi's brothers was that they didn't inquire of the Lord enough. It's nearly impossible to believe complete and obvious bullshit without God's help.

And I [Nephi] said unto them: Have ye inquired of the Lord?

And they said unto me: We have not. 1 Nephi 15:8-9

Another reason they didn't believe the stuff about the tree is that they were such evil bastards. They didn't follow the commandments and their hearts were way too hard.

Behold, I [Nephi] said unto them: How is it that ye do not keep the commandments of the Lord? How is it that ye will perish, because of the hardness of your hearts? Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said? -- If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you. 1 Nephi 15:10-11

So Nephi explained it all to them again. The grafting of the branches thing is all about Joseph Smith who will (2423 years later) find and translate the golden plates and thereby produce the Book of Mormon that will bring "the fulness of the gospel" to the Gentiles. (And if that isn't perfectly obvious to you, you are an evil bastard that hasn't inquired of the Lord.)

And now, the thing which our father meaneth concerning the grafting in of the natural branches through the fulness of the Gentiles, is, that in the latter days, when our seed shall have dwindled in unbelief, yea, for the space of many years, and many generations after the Messiah shall be manifested in body unto the children of men, then shall the fulness of the gospel of the Messiah come unto the Gentiles, and from the Gentiles unto the remnant of our seed. 1 Nephi 15:13

Nephi says that someday the Native Americans (who centuries later will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people for dwindling in unbelief) will all become Mormons and be saved. (I suppose God will then make them fair , white, and delightsome like good Mormons are today.)

And at that day shall the remnant of our seed know that they are of the house of Israel, and that they are the covenant people of the Lord; and then shall they know and come to the knowledge of their forefathers, and also to the knowledge of the gospel of their Redeemer, which was ministered unto their fathers by him; wherefore, they shall come to the knowledge of their Redeemer and the very points of his doctrine, that they may know how to come unto him and be saved. 1 Nephi 15:14

Nephi goes on to explain the tree, iron rod, and river to his hard-hearted evil brothers.

And it came to pass that I did speak many words unto my brethren, that they were pacified and did humble themselves before the Lord. 1 Nephi 15:20

But I'm going to skip all that. Nephi and I told you about it once before, and once was once too many.

But there is something new in Nephi's spiel. It's all about filthiness.

It goes like this: If your works are filthy, then you are filthy. And if you're filthy, you can't go to heaven because you'd make God's kingdom filthy.

Wherefore, if they should die in their wickedness they must be cast off also ... to be judged of their works; and if their works have been filthiness they must needs be filthy; and if they be filthy it must needs be that they cannot dwell in the kingdom of God; if so, the kingdom of God must be filthy also. 1 Nephi 15:33

But, you see, the kingdom of God isn't filthy, so God had to make a filthy place to put filthy people like you in after you die.

But behold, I say unto you, the kingdom of God is not filthy, and there cannot any unclean thing enter into the kingdom of God; wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared for that which is filthy. 1 Nephi 15:34

And that filthy place is hell. "And the devil is the preparator of it." (Joseph Smith liked to make up words just like Sarah Palin!)

And there is a place prepared, yea, even that awful hell of which I have spoken, and the devil is the preparator of it 1 Nephi 15:35

And thus it is and so on and so forth. Amen.

And thus I spake unto my brethren. Amen. 1 Nephi 15:36

Blogging the Book of Mormon
Next Episode: 1 Nephi 16 -- A group marriage, magic brass ball, and broken steel bow


busterggi said...

The pseudohistory given in the BOM is proof that some people will believe anything.

Gary said...

Not about this post, but have you seen the film 'God on Trial'?

Part of it at:

Seems this would make a good post and generate some discussion!
Love your work.

Steve Wells said...

Yeah, I thought that was a great film and I wrote a couple posts on it back when it first came out in 2008.

twillight said...

Ok, this what I want to say here is way bexond the capabilities of this blog, but maybe someone appropriate sees my message:

The current Government of Hungary (that's the country I make my posts from) seriously considers including "christian values as base of moral and etchics and so on" into our Foundation.

As I don't want someone thinking my moral, ethics and such things includes accepting pedophilia, burning withes (who we all know doesn't even exist) and homosexuals, advocating selfmutilation and such things, I ask for help from anybody on any forum I could come up with.

I hope Steve allows this comment to appear, but more importantly I hope this violation of sanity and human rights won't happen. And this is the only way I can come up with to prevent it: sending messages all over the world (including our ministries of course).

Matthew Blanchette said...

Wow... looks like Smith's mind was in the gutter, when writing this.