08 August 2011

What Jesus said about 'Job Creators'

As Jon Stewart points out, we are no longer allowed to say that rich people are rich. "You have to refer to them as 'job creators.' You can't even use the word 'rich'. You have to say, 'This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator.'"

Well then, here's what Jesus said about job creators.

Verily I say unto you, That a rich man job creator shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man job creator to enter into the kingdom of God. Matthew 19:23-24, Mark 10:25, Luke 18:25
Woe to you that are rich job creators! for ye have received your consolation. Luke 6:24
There was a certain rich man job creator, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:

And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,

And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's job creator's table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.

And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man job creator also died, and was buried;

And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.

And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.

But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented. Luke 16:19-25

Clearly, according to Jesus, job creators are going to hell. Their best hope for salvation is higher taxes. The more we tax them, the greater their chance of making it through the eye of the needle.

So let's save the job creators by taxing the hell out of them.


Anonymous said...

Ugh, can't see that video outside of the US.

Been reading your blog awhile now (as well as dipping into the SAB) and all I can do is be ever more astonished at the wilful hypocrisy of Republican Evangelicals (and Christians in general).

Don't you find it all horribly depressing sometimes?

The Nerd said...

@eldonreeves: YES.

Sometimes I find it difficult to pull away from the horror I see and hear to simply enjoy a relaxing evening at home. The jokes (good and bad) help us deal with the pain.

nazani said...

My favorite Faux News comment is that poor people resent all the money the rich have "earned." It's hard for me to understand what any human could do that would justify "earning" over a million dollars a year, unless it were something like pediatric brain surgery.

I hope people are paying attention to the riots in London. I also hope that our rioters, when they day comes, are smart enough to select these neighborhoods, instead of busting up shops: