Mosiah 25: Speeches, Speeches and more Speeches

When Alma's people returned to Zarahemla, King Mosiah called a meeting of all the people.

And now king Mosiah caused that all the people should be gathered together. 25.1

When everyone was gathered together, Mosiah read (and caused to be read!) the record of Zeniff and the account of Alma.

And it came to pass that Mosiah did read, and caused to be read, the records of Zeniff to his people; yea, he read the records of the people of Zeniff, from the time they left the land of Zarahemla until they returned again. 25.5 

And he also read the account of Alma and his brethren, and all their afflictions, from the time they left the land of Zarahemla until the time they returned again. 25.6

After Mosiah was done reading, the people were filled with exceedingly great joy, and also filled with sadness, but they were also filled with thankful feelings toward God. (I think they are full of something...) But the meeting wasn't done yet, not by a long shot. Mosiah asked Alma to speak to the group. He talked about Limhi and his brethren, and how everyone was delivered out of bondage.

For they knew not what to think; for when they beheld those that had been delivered out of bondage they were filled with exceedingly great joy. 25.8 

And again, when they thought of their brethren who had been slain by the Lamanites they were filled with sorrow, and even shed many tears of sorrow. 25.9 

And again, when they thought of the immediate goodness of God, and his power in delivering Alma and his brethren out of the hands of the Lamanites and of bondage, they did raise their voices and give thanks to God. 25.10

And now it came to pass that when Mosiah had made an end of speaking and reading to the people, he desired that Alma should also speak to the people. 25.14 

And Alma did speak unto them, when they were assembled together in large bodies, and he went from one body to another, preaching unto the people repentance and faith on the Lord. 25.15 

And he did exhort the people of Limhi and his brethren, all those that had been delivered out of bondage, that they should remember that it was the Lord that did deliver them. 25.16

Then Limhi wanted Alma to baptize him, and the rest of his people. So that happened.

And it came to pass that after Alma had taught the people many things, and had made an end of speaking to them, that king Limhi was desirous that he might be baptized; and all his people were desirous that they might be baptized also. 25.17

Therefore, Alma did go forth into the water and did baptize them; yea, he did baptize them after the manner he did his brethren in the waters of Mormon; yea, and as many as he did baptize did belong to the church of God; and this because of their belief on the words of Alma. 25.18

After this display, King Mosiah gave Alma the power to ordain priests and establish churches in Zarahemla. He ended up establishing 7 churches in total.

And it came to pass that king Mosiah granted unto Alma that he might establish churches throughout all the land of Zarahemla; and gave him power to ordain priests and teachers over every church. 25.19

And now there were seven churches in the land of Zarahemla. And it came to pass that whosoever were desirous to take upon them the name of Christ, or of God, they did join the churches of God. 25.23

Science proves Muhammad right: Dogs avoid the E-W direction when pooping (because dogs are devils)

A recent study in Frontiers of Zoology has found that dogs use the earth's magnetic field to align themselves in a North-South direction while defecating or urinating.

Our analysis ... indicates that dogs not only prefer N-S direction, but at the same time they also avoid E-W direction.

This preference for N-S alignment was strictly forbidden by Muhammad, who insisted on facing east or west while answering the call of nature while out in the open spaces.

Allah's Apostle said, "If anyone of you goes to an open space for answering the call of nature he should neither face nor turn his back towards the Qibla; he should either face the east or the west." Bukhari-1.4.146

And why would dogs disobey Muhammad on so important a matter?

Because dogs are devils (especially the black ones).

The Messenger of Allah ... said: The black dog is a devil.
Sahih Muslim Book 004, Hadith Number 1032

And all of them should be killed (for pooping in the N-S direction?).

Allah's Apostle ordered that the dogs should be killed.
Bukhari-4.54.540

Surely this is one of the greatest miracles of Islam! Muhammad, who was illiterate and ignorant in science, was able to predict the direction of dog poops 1400 years before modern science discovered it.

If this doesn't convert you to Islam, nothing will.

Mosiah 24: Another daring escape

Amulon and King Laman (the King of the Lamanites) were getting quite cozy. Laman appointed Amulon and his brethren to be teachers over his people, in the land of Shemlon, Shilom and Amulon.

And it came to pass that Amulon did gain favor in the eyes of the king of the Lamanites; therefore, the king of the Lamanites granted unto him and his brethren that they should be appointed teachers over his people, yea, even over the people who were in the land of Shemlon, and in the land of Shilom, and in the land of Amulon. 24:1

The Lamanites started to become rich, through trade, innovation, and piracy. They didn't rob one another, though, only outsiders.

And thus the Lamanites began to increase in riches, and began to trade one with another and wax great, and began to be a cunning and a wise people, as to the wisdom of the world, yea, a very cunning people, delighting in all manner of wickedness and plunder, except it were among their own brethren. 24.7

It is unclear whether or not Amulon and his people robbed Alma and his people, but they certainly mistreated them. They put heavy burdens upon their backs and "put taskmasters above them".

For Amulon knew Alma, that he had been one of the king's priests, and that it was he that believed the words of Abinadi and was driven out before the king, and therefore he was wroth with him; for he was subject to king Laman, yet he exercised authority over them, and put tasks upon them, and put task-masters over them. 24.9

Alma and his people follow the typical playbook here, and they cry out to God. In fact, they cried so mightily that it began to annoy Amulon so much that he appointed guards to watch for the criers and execute them.

And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God. 24.10

 And Amulon commanded them that they should stop their cries; and he put guards over them to watch them, that whosoever should be found calling upon God should be put to death. 24.11

So they stopped crying (out loud), and instead learned how to "pour out their hearts to God" silently. Or something. Anyways, God knew that they were suffering, so he started saying some encouraging words.

And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts. 24.12 

And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me 24.13a

Then God promised to deliver them out of bondage the very next day.

And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage. 24.16

So Alma gathered his people, and their flocks, and their grain. But for some reason, it took way longer than usual to gather their flocks. I'm not sure why that is critical to the story, but whatever. (Alma: "Is it just me, or is this taking longer than usual, guys? Make sure to record that in the log book.")

Now it came to pass that Alma and his people in the night-time gathered their flocks together, and also of their grain; yea, even all the night-time were they gathering the flocks together. 24.18

When they finally gathered all of their flocks together, God caused a very profound sleep to come upon the taskmasters. Then Alma and his people escaped.

And in the morning the Lord caused a deep sleep to come upon the Lamanites, yea, and all their task-masters were in a profound sleep. 24.19 

And Alma and his people departed into the wilderness; and when they had traveled all day they pitched their tents in a valley, and they called the valley Alma, because he led their way in the wilderness. 24.20

They hung out in a nearby valley for a few days, thanking God, until God talks them to hurry the hell up and get out of there because the sleeping potion is about to wear off. Those things don't last forever, even when God makes them.

Yea, and in the valley of Alma they poured out their thanks to God because he had been merciful unto them, and eased their burdens, and had delivered them out of bondage; for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it were the Lord their God. 24.21

And they gave thanks to God, yea, all their men and all their women and all their children that could speak lifted their voices in the praises of their God. 24.22

And now the Lord said unto Alma: Haste thee and get thou and this people out of this land, for the Lamanites have awakened and do pursue thee; therefore get thee out of this land, and I will stop the Lamanites in this valley that they come no further in pursuit of this people. 24.23

They travel through the wilderness for 12 days, and then they reach Zarahemla and join up with King Mosiah.

And after they had been in the wilderness twelve days they arrived in the land of Zarahemla; and king Mosiah did also receive them with joy. 24.25

Mosiah 23: Nevertheless the Lord Seeth Fit to Chasten his People

Remember back in Mosiah 18 where Alma starts a secret church in the woods after defending Abinadi and almost gets killed by King Noah? Well, Mosiah 23 picks up where 19 left off. Alma and his people depart into the wilderness (with their flocks, and their grain, and their precious things...)

Now Alma, having been warned of the Lord that the armies of king Noah would come upon them, and having made it known to his people, therefore they gathered together their flocks, and took of their grain, and departed into the wilderness before the armies of king Noah. 23.1

They travelled for eight days and then came to a beautiful land. They decided to settle the place and call it home. The first order of business was to pick a king, and naturally the people wanted to make Alma king, but he refused.

And they came to a land, yea, even a very beautiful and pleasant land, a land of pure water. 23:4 

And they pitched their tents, and began to till the ground, and began to build buildings; yea, they were industrious, and did labor exceedingly. 23.5

And the people were desirous that Alma should be their king, for he was beloved by his people. 23:6

But he said unto them: Behold, it is not expedient that we should have a king; for thus saith the Lord: Ye shall not esteem one flesh above another, or one man shall not think himself above another; therefore I say unto you it is not expedient that ye should have a king. 23.7

Instead, Alma modestly became the high priest. This gave him the power to consecrate all of their priests and teachers. 

And now, Alma was their high priest, he being the founder of their church. 23:16

And it came to pass that none received authority to preach or to teach except it were by him from God. Therefore he consecrated all their priests and all their teachers; and none were consecrated except they were just men. 23:17 Alma's priests did a good job. They watched over the people, and even nourished them with things pertaining to righteousness. Therefore they did watch over their people, and did nourish them with things pertaining to righteousness. 23:18 But things were starting to get boring for God, with all of the progress and nourishing and whatnot. It was time to try their patience and test their faith. And it came to pass that they did multiply and prosper exceedingly in the land of Helam; and they built a city, which they called the city of Helam. 23:20  Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. 23:21 God could have been a little more creative with his chastening in my opinion (sending fiery serpents, hemorrhoids, or forcing them to eat each other). Instead he decides to guide the Lamanite army to Alma and his people, and watch them fight it out. If you remember from the last chapter, the Lamanites were lost in the wilderness. Eventually they happened upon Alma and his people in the land of Helam. For behold, it came to pass that while they were in the land of Helam, yea, in the city of Helam, while tilling the land round about, behold an army of the Lamanites was in the borders of the land.  23:25 Everyone was afraid, so they gathered in the city of Helam. Alma convinced everyone not to be afraid because God was going to help them out. He does, actually. God softens the Lamanites hearts a bit. Now it came to pass that the brethren of Alma fled from their fields, and gathered themselves together in the city of Helam; and they were much frightened because of the appearance of the Lamanites. 23:26 But Alma went forth and stood among them, and exhorted them that they should not be frightened, but that they should remember the Lord their God and he would deliver them. 23:27 And it came to pass the the Lord did soften the hearts of the Lamanites. And Alma and his brethren went forth and delivered themselves up into their hands; and the Lamanites took possession of the land of Helam. 23:29 Then we learn that the Lamanite army teamed up with King Noah's evil priests (remember them?). The leader of the priests is named Amulon. Now the armies of the Lamanites, which had followed after the people of king Limhi, had been lost in the wilderness for many days. 23:30

And behold, they had found those priests of king Noah, in a place which they called Amulon; and they had begun to possess the land of Amulon and had begun to till the ground. 23:31

Now the name of the leader of those priests was Amulon. 23:32

And it came to pass that Amulon did plead with the Lamanites; and he also sent forth their wives, who were the daughters of the Lamanites, to plead with their brethren, that they should not destroy their husbands.  23.33

 And the Lamanites had compassion on Amulon and his brethren, and did not destroy them, because of their wives. 23:34

And Amulon and his brethren did join the Lamanites, and they were traveling in the wilderness in search of the land of Nephi when they discovered the land of Helam, which was possessed by Alma and his brethren. 23.35

Alma strikes a deal with the Lamanites and Amulon. If Alma and his people would show them the way to the Land of Nephi, then they wouldn't kill or enslave Alma's people. And it came to pass that the Lamanites promised unto Alma and his brethren, that if they would show them the way which led to the land of Nephi that they would grant unto them their lives and their liberty. 23.36 As it turns out, though, the Lamanites didn't keep their word. The Lamanites enslaved Alma's people and made Amulon King over them. He was really more of a steward, though, since he still had to report to the Lamanite King and file monthly expense reports. And the king of the Lamanites had granted unto Amulon that he should be a king and a ruler over his people, who were in the land of Helam; nevertheless he should have no power to do anything contrary to the will of the king of the Lamanites.  23:39

The Book of Mormon: The ultimate blogger's guide

A recent article in the Deseret News (the Salt Lake City newspaper owned by the LDS church) suggested that bloggers use the Book of Mormon as a model for blogging. And I think that's a great idea.

Here are some suggestions from the world's most perfect book, the Book of Mormon -- the "ultimate blog".

• Write all your posts in 17th century English to make them sound like scripture.

• Begin every fifth sentence or so with a meaningless phrase that hasn't been used in hundreds of years.
• Claim that your posts were inscribed on golden plates that you dug up in your backyard and translated from an ancient, nonexistent language using seer stones while looking into a hat.
• Copy a long series of  posts from another (preferably long-dead) author.
• Insult all non-white people by claiming their skin was darkened by God to punish them for being wicked; then tell them that if they repent God will make their skin "white and delightsome" again.
•  Create a new religion and then claim that all other religions were founded by the devil.
• Use a thousand words when a few would do as well.

• Tell your readers that every word that you write was personally delivered to you by an angel of the Lord.

I'm sure there's a lot more to learn from the ultimate blog, but hopefully that's enough to get you started.

Happy blogging!