Who were the just and righteous people in the Bible?

If you took yesterday's just and righteous test, you probably failed. It's hard to avoid menstruating women these days, and not many people are willing to rejoice as they wash their feet in wicked people's blood. In fact, with qualifications like that, I wonder if there are any just and righteous people alive today -- outside of card-carrying members of the Islamic State, anyway.

There weren't many in the Bible, either. Only two were said to be both just and righteous: Lot and Noah. Here are their biblical credentials:

God ... delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds;) 2 Peter 7:8

Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God. Genesis 6:9

And the LORD said unto Noah, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation. Genesis 7:1

The Bible doesn't say much else about these two, except that:

Noah, the just and righteous, got drunk after the flood and lay around naked in his tent. When his son Ham happened to see his father in this condition, Noah cursed not Ham, who supposedly saw Noah naked, but his grandson Canaan and all of Canaan's descendants with slavery. Genesis 9:20-25

And the just and righteous Lot offered his daughters to a crowd of angel rapers, and then later got drunk and impregnated them (his daughters, that is, not the angel rapers). Genesis 19:8, 32-38.

So don't feel bad if you failed the test. Who would want to join a club with members like that?

Are you a just and righteous person? Take the Bible's test to know for sure.

Here's the just test:

1. Do wicked people gnash their teeth while plotting against you?

   The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. Psalm 37:12

2. Is your house blessed by God?

   The curse of the LORD is in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just. Proverbs 3:3

3. Do you walk along a shining path toward a perfect day?

   But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. Proverbs 4:18

4. Do you have blessings upon your head?

   Blessings are upon the head of the just: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. Proverbs 10:6

5. Do you have a silver-like tongue?

   The tongue of the just is as choice silver. Proverbs 10:20

6. Does your mouth bring forth wisdom?

   The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom. Proverbs 10:31

7. Has anything bad ever happen to you?

   There shall no evil happen to the just. Proverbs 12:21

8. Do you love to judge people?

   It is joy to the just to do judgment. Proverbs 21:15

9. Have you fallen seven times?

   For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. Proverbs 24:16

10. Have you searched for the souls of upright people?

    The bloodthirsty hate the upright: but the just seek his soul. Proverbs 29:10

11. Do you consider unjust people abominations?

    An unjust man is an abomination to the just: and he that is upright in the way is abomination to the wicked. Proverbs 29:27

12. Have you eaten on the mountains?

    But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, And hath not eaten upon the mountains. Ezekiel 18:5-6

13. Have you ever been near a menstruating woman?

    But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and hath not ... come near to a menstruous woman. Ezekiel 18:5-6

14. Do you keep all of God's commandments?

    Hath walked in my statutes, and hath kept my judgments, to deal truly; he is just. Ezekiel 18:9

15. Are you afflicted by mighty sins?

    For I know your manifold transgressions and your mighty sins: they afflict the just. Amos 5:12

And here's righteous test:

1. Do you always get what you want?

   The desire of the righteous shall be granted. Proverbs 10:24:

2. Do you always get out of trouble?

   The righteous is delivered out of trouble. Proverbs 11:8:

3. Has your house ever fallen down?

   The house of the righteous shall stand. Proverbs 12:7

4. Are you always right?

   The thoughts of the righteous are right. Proverbs 12:5

5. Are you better than your neighbors?

   The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour. Proverbs 12:26

6. Do wicked people bow before you?

   The evil bow before the good; and the wicked at the gates of the righteous. Proverbs 14:19

7. Do you have lots of stuff?

   In the house of the righteous is much treasure. Proverbs 15:6

8. Has a wicked person ever been a ransom for you?

   The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous. Proverbs 21:18

9. Are you as bold as a lion?

   The righteous are bold as a lion. Proverbs 28:1

10. Are you happy and sing a lot?

    The righteous doth sing and rejoice. Proverbs 28:6

11. Do you avoid drinking wine and mixed drinks?

    Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink: Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him! Isaiah 5:22-23

12. Do your lips feed lots of people?

    The lips of the righteous feed many. Proverbs 10:21

13. Do you always know the right thing to say?

    The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable. Proverbs 10:32

14. Has God told you his secret?

    His [God's] secret is with the righteous. Proverbs 3:32

15. Do you eat as much as you want whenever you want?

    The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul. :

16. Have you washed your feet in the blood of the wicked?

    The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. Psalm 58:10

EJ&T - Psalms 1-30: Kiss the Son and break the heathen

In the Every Jot and Tittle project, I am listing all of the Bible's commandments from Genesis to Revelation, in accordance with Jesus's words in Matthew 5:18-19. I have no idea how many commandments I'll find, but Jewish tradition claims there are 613. See here for a list of those that I've found so far.

I can't find any commandments in Esther or Job, although this one from Esther, comes close:

All the wives shall give to their husbands honour, both to great and small. And ... every man should bear rule in his own house. Esther 1:20-22

But this was a commandment of the king, not God -- even though the author of Esher (and so presumably God) seemed to approve of it. Indeed the main point of Esther seems to be this: women should obey their husbands (by dancing naked in front of their husbands' drunken guests or whatnot) and genocide is a good thing when it is rumored that someone in a nation plans to kill Jews.

So on to the Psalms. Here are the commandments that I have found so far.

Ask God (and he'll give you heathens for slaves and the whole earth for your possession).

Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. Pslam 2:4

Ask, and it shall be given you. Matthew 7:7

Break the heathen with a rod of iron and smash them into little pieces.

Thou shalt break them [the heathen] with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel. Pslams 2:9

Be wise.

Be wise. Psalm 2:10

Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee. Psalm 32:9

Keep sound wisdom and discretion. Proverbs 3:21

Hear thou, my son, and be wise, and guide thine heart in the way. Proverbs 23:19

Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding. Proverbs 23:23

My son, be wise, and make my heart glad. Proverbs 27:11

Be instructed.

Be instructed. Psalm 2:10

Hear counsel, and receive instruction. Psalm 19:20

Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge. Psalm 19:27

Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Proverbs 23:12

Kiss the Son.

Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Psalm 2:12

Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself.

Know that the LORD hath set apart him that is godly for himself. Psalm 4:3

Stand in awe.

Stand in awe. Psalm 4:4

Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him. Psalm 33:8

Don't sin.

Sin not. Psalm 4:4, 1 Corinthians 15:34, Ephesians 4:26

Commune with your own heart upon your bed.

Commune with your own heart upon your bed. Psalm 4:4

Be still.

Be still. Psalm 4:4

Offer the sacrifices of righteousness.

Offer the sacrifices of righteousness. Psalm 4:5

Trust the Lord.

Put your trust in the LORD. Psalm 4:5

Trust in the LORD. Psalm 37:3, Psalm 115:11

Trust also in him. Psalm 37:5

Trust in him at all times. Psalm 62:8

Trust thou in the LORD. Psalm 115:9

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart. Proverbs 3:5

Declare God's doings among the people.

Declare among the people his doings. Psalm 9:11

Netanyahu's Purim Plan for Peace

The king granted the Jews ... to slay and to cause to perish, all the power of the people and province that would assault them, both little ones and women, and to take the spoil of them for a prey. Esther 8:11

Benjamin Netanyahu likes the book of Esther.

Two years ago, he gave President Obama a copy as a Purim gift. And in yesterday's Purim speech to Congress he used the Esther story as a model for the proper response to the Iranian nuclear threat.

Tomorrow night, on the Jewish holiday of Purim, we'll read the Book of Esther. We'll read of a powerful Persian viceroy named Haman, who plotted to destroy the Jewish people some 2,500 years ago. But a courageous Jewish woman, Queen Esther, exposed the plot and gave for the Jewish people the right to defend themselves against their enemies.

The plot was foiled. Our people were saved.

But he left out the details about how the Jewish people were supposedly saved. According the story in the book of Esther, the Jews killed 75,000 Persians in a preemptive strike because the some of the Persians hated Jews and planned to kill them.

Now in the twelfth month, that is, the month Adar, on the thirteenth day of the same [Purim], when the king's commandment and his decree drew near to be put in execution, in the day that the enemies of the Jews hoped to have power over them, (though it was turned to the contrary, that the Jews had rule over them that hated them;) The Jews gathered themselves together in their cities throughout all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus, to lay hand on such as sought their hurt: and no man could withstand them; for the fear of them fell upon all people. ... Thus the Jews smote all their enemies with the stroke of the sword, and slaughter, and destruction, and did what they would unto those that hated them. Esther 9:1-5

President Obama didn't attend Bibi's speech. But he read the transcript and said that it didn't offer any new alternatives.

And the he's right about that. There was nothing new in the speech. Just the old alternative from the Book of Esther: to "smite all their enemies with the stroke of the sword" and to do "what they would unto those that hated them."

That is Netanyahu's Purim Plan for peace.

What would Jesus eat?

That's an easy question to answer if you believe what Jesus supposedly said in the gospel of Mark, when he was criticized by the Pharisees for not washing his hands before eating.

Then came together unto him the Pharisees, and certain of the scribes, which came from Jerusalem. And when they saw some of his disciples eat bread with defiled, that is to say, with unwashen, hands, they found fault. ... Then the Pharisees and scribes asked him, Why walk not thy disciples according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashen hands? Mark 7:1-5

Jesus defended himself by asking them why they don't kill children who curse their parents as also required by "the commandments of God."

He answered and said unto them ... ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition. For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: But ye say ... he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition.... Mark 7:6-13

He then told everyone that they could eat whatever they wanted, and that there is no need to wash food, dishes, or hands before eating.

And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand: There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man. If any man have ears to hear, let him hear. Mark 7:14-16

Of course, it's not quite as simple as that. Elsewhere Jesus supposedly said that all of God's laws, every jot and tittle, would be binding on everyone for as long as heaven and earth exist. And since many of these laws are dietary, they would be binding forever.

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:17-19

So what would Jesus eat? Would he be a vegan, as God originally intended people to be (Genesis 1:29)? Or would he eat everything that moves, as God instructed Noah after the flood (Genesis 9:3) and as the voice commanded Peter during his trance (Acts 10:9-13)?

It's hard to say, isn't it? But one thing's for sure: he wouldn't wash his hands before eating. At least not until the Pharisees start killing their disobedient children as required by Commandment #73.

(For more about this, see What kind of animals may we eat?