But shoot, did I mess up in my addition?
My latest count is God: 2,301,426, Satan: 10.
Did I miss 90,000 of God's victims?
It's finally here: Blasphemy Day. So get out and blaspheme, gosh darn it.
But before you do, I thought I'd let you know what the Bible says about blasphemy.
Blasphemers must be stoned to death.
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying ... he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him. Leviticus 24:13-16
Because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die ... And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick ... And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. 2 Samuel 12:14-18
All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men ... whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come. Matthew 12:31-32
But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness Mark 3:29
And whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but unto him that blasphemeth against the Holy Ghost it shall not be forgiven. Luke 12:10
Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme. 1 Timothy 1:20
A slave ("servant" in the KJV) that doesn't give her master all honor blasphemes God.
Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed. 1 Timothy 6:1
Teach the young women to be ... obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:4-5
I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan. Revelation 2:9
I stood ... saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy ... And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death. Revelation 13:1-3
Here's what it will look like.
But don't let any of this bullshit stop you. Write 'Jesus Fucker' on your forehead and get out there and blaspheme!
More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:
More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:
I know, I should get back to God's killings. But all the massacres get kind of boring after a while. So I thought I'd throw in something a bit more entertaining.
So here's Messed-up Bible Stories for you.
And here's one of my favorites:
I just wish they'd have spent a bit more time on Genesis 6:4, "There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men...." But I guess they had to keep it PG rated to meet YouTube standards.
I'll be adding links at the bottom of the SAB chapters for these messed-up Bible stories, too.
I don't know how I missed this up to now, but I did. It's the Bible Slam.
Here is the latest: Exodus 19.
(I totally missed it. The meeting between God and Moses was a volcanic eruption!)
I'm going to go back and see what else I missed. As I read along (or have it read to me) I'll be adding links to the Bible Slam at the bottom of each chapter of the SAB.
Someone should do this for the Quran and the Book of Mormon. Does't the Quran Slam sound good?
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21
It's the new Republican uniform!
Why is it that religious nuts are almost always gun nuts too?
More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:
In previous posts I've mentioned the Green Bible, which highlights in green all the verses in the Bible that show God's loving concern for the environment. Of course, if they were being honest, there wouldn't be a single highlighted verse. Because the God of the Bible doesn't give a shit about the environment.
But they are not being honest, so they highlight verses like Numbers 21:6-7, where God sent snakes to bite and kill people for complaining about lack of food and water (God's 23rd Killing).
I suppose this passage was highlighted because it had snakes in it (well, actually "fiery serpents"). So God must care about snakes (since he sent them to bite and kill people) or something.
A similar approach was taken by The Poverty and Justice Bible. It highlights in orange the verses that show God's attitude toward poverty and justice. In it they claim to have highlighted over 2000 verses. Among them is Joshua 7:25-26. I'll quote these verses using the translation that they use (the Contemporary English Version).
Joshua said, "Achan, you have caused us a lot of trouble. Now the Lord is paying you back with the same kind of trouble.The people of Israel then stoned to death Achan and his family. They made a fire and burnt the bodies, together with what Achan had stolen, and all his possessions. They covered the remains with a big pile of rocks, which is still there. Then the Lord stopped being angry with Israel.
So this passage (God's 33rd Killing) was highlighted in the PAJ Bible to show God's attitude towards justice -- which in this case is that anyone that steals stuff from God (after he had Israelites steal it from others after killing them all) should be stoned to death, along with his entire family.
In looking over the two (the Green and PAJ Bibles), I'm not sure which is more dishonest. If you get a chance, check them out at the library and let me know what you think. (Don't buy them, though. They're not worth it.)
The PAJ Bible, by the way, was sent to President Obama after his second oath of office by the Evangelical Alliance (the wording of his first oath was botched and had to be repeated). Since he didn't have a Bible for his second oath, they wanted to make sure he'd always have one around, one "that focuses on these issues that are so close to his, and God’s, heart.”
So now, thanks to the Evangelical Society and the PAJ Bible, President Obama will know just what to do with someone that steals genocidal holy war booty from God: have everyone in the country stone him and his family to death and then burn them all for God. That way God won't be angry at us anymore.
More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:
More information about God's killings, with a chapter on each of the 135 killing events, can be found int the book:
| Killing Event | Verse | Estimated number killed | Cumulative total | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | God slowly kills the Israelite army | Deuteronomy 2:14-17 | 500,000 | 500,000 |
| 2 | God kills the Zamzummim in the land of the giants | 2:22-23 | 10,000 | 510,000 |
| 3 | God hardened King Sihon's heart in order to kill all his people | 2:26-28 | 3,000 | 513,000 |
| 4 | God helps kill all the men, women, and children in 60 cities | 3:3-6 | 60,000 | 573,000 |
But God not only killed in Deuteronomy; he commanded everyone else to kill, too.
Here are just some of the people God wants you to kill.
And if you refuse to kill any of these people (or to do any of the other things God told you to do in Deuteronomy), then God will kill you after he forces you to eat your own children. (God wrote a whole chapter about this. See Deuteronomy 28:16-68 for the gory details.)
Ship of Fools is asking people to name the worst verse in the Bible. You can nominate your favorite worst verse here.
I always have a hard time with this. There are so many to choose from. But I picked Jeremiah 19:9.
And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend....
A god that would force parents to eat their children is a god everyone should stay away from.
Which verse do you think is the worst? I'm especially interested in what believers think about this. Are there any bad verses in the Bible, or is Jeremiah 19:9 as good as Leviticus 19:18?
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